Thoughts for a snowy Tuesday
I find myself wanting to post more and more, lately.
I think this is in response to the onset of super loneliness while stranded in the middle of nowhere, with very few people to talk to usually. Woe is me, and such. /self-pity.
What most, if not all of you, don't know is that I've written more than one entry recently set to Private. So, you know, ha. Mystery, she abounds! No, really, I have written them. Usually at the point of writing or very shortly thereafter I place a private barrier over them. Truth is that while I've felt an undeniable urge to write, I find myself having a very difficult time in expressing myself recently. It worries me, because at least in my own mind, that is one ability I've always had in great supply.
I'll be frank. This scares me. I have a seasonal depression that is onset during the winter gray months, one reason I truly detest the cold and snow. It seems to me that only one, perhaps two, days a month in these winter conditions show any sort of blue sky or sun. And with the depression comes a spike in social anxiety.
I'm not sure, maybe I just feel it more acutely this year. The last two winters were not nearly so bad. Last winter especially had few down points. Lots of interaction with friends, money wasn't that tight, was living on my own. Practically the only down side to last winter was the lack of any serious female interaction. To be honest, though, that wasn't so much a big deal last winter. I'd broken up a serious relationship (in my mind at least) not too much previous, and I was busy enough that it wasn't noticed.
So, I'm going to change gears here. I thought that perhaps it would be good if I tried to get some of this out, but it just makes me feel worse, for the most part. I read what I've written, and I'm upset at myself for the self-pity. Ugh. Stupid...circle of vicious thought.
OH! Thanksgiving! There we go, something incredibly positive to talk about :D. So I love Thanksgiving, every year. Usually it's just my own family, and that's comfortable for me. Sometimes, a few more :). But anyway, it's a time to relax and spend time with the family, and learn to cook food (still haven't gotten it all down). For the last some odd years, we've always deep-fried our turkey, which - don't get me wrong - is delicious. So I never really knew how else to do it. This year was back into the oven. So that was fun.
My sister came home, and it was the first time since she was home to see my brother off to Germany in August. So that was nice. Met her boyfriend for the first time, then, too. That was a little awkward at first, simply because I've never actually met a boyfriend of Amber's. Before she went to Germany she never had anything serious that I know of (maybe wrong, don't think so though). While in Germany, well, simply put, I was a little far away to have to deal with that :P. And last year, flings maybe but again, nothing serious that I know of. SO! Yeah. Anyway, he was a nice guy and the awkward introductions were over soon.
Another thing to touch on was Kelly's birthday party over at Cell's place this last weekend. That was a lot of fun and I got to see people I haven't in quite some time. I enjoyed that more than anything, I think. I think I might have overdone it just a little with flirting with Sarah after the alcohol loosened me up a bit, but then, I might be being too critical of myself. I'm a great judge of character, as long as that character is not me. Sue me :P.
Anyway! Started this feeling pretty down, very glad I switched gears midway through there. Much more upbeat. If you're out there, and you glance at this, hiya!
Bran
Our name is our virtue
I think this is in response to the onset of super loneliness while stranded in the middle of nowhere, with very few people to talk to usually. Woe is me, and such. /self-pity.
What most, if not all of you, don't know is that I've written more than one entry recently set to Private. So, you know, ha. Mystery, she abounds! No, really, I have written them. Usually at the point of writing or very shortly thereafter I place a private barrier over them. Truth is that while I've felt an undeniable urge to write, I find myself having a very difficult time in expressing myself recently. It worries me, because at least in my own mind, that is one ability I've always had in great supply.
I'll be frank. This scares me. I have a seasonal depression that is onset during the winter gray months, one reason I truly detest the cold and snow. It seems to me that only one, perhaps two, days a month in these winter conditions show any sort of blue sky or sun. And with the depression comes a spike in social anxiety.
I'm not sure, maybe I just feel it more acutely this year. The last two winters were not nearly so bad. Last winter especially had few down points. Lots of interaction with friends, money wasn't that tight, was living on my own. Practically the only down side to last winter was the lack of any serious female interaction. To be honest, though, that wasn't so much a big deal last winter. I'd broken up a serious relationship (in my mind at least) not too much previous, and I was busy enough that it wasn't noticed.
So, I'm going to change gears here. I thought that perhaps it would be good if I tried to get some of this out, but it just makes me feel worse, for the most part. I read what I've written, and I'm upset at myself for the self-pity. Ugh. Stupid...circle of vicious thought.
OH! Thanksgiving! There we go, something incredibly positive to talk about :D. So I love Thanksgiving, every year. Usually it's just my own family, and that's comfortable for me. Sometimes, a few more :). But anyway, it's a time to relax and spend time with the family, and learn to cook food (still haven't gotten it all down). For the last some odd years, we've always deep-fried our turkey, which - don't get me wrong - is delicious. So I never really knew how else to do it. This year was back into the oven. So that was fun.
My sister came home, and it was the first time since she was home to see my brother off to Germany in August. So that was nice. Met her boyfriend for the first time, then, too. That was a little awkward at first, simply because I've never actually met a boyfriend of Amber's. Before she went to Germany she never had anything serious that I know of (maybe wrong, don't think so though). While in Germany, well, simply put, I was a little far away to have to deal with that :P. And last year, flings maybe but again, nothing serious that I know of. SO! Yeah. Anyway, he was a nice guy and the awkward introductions were over soon.
Another thing to touch on was Kelly's birthday party over at Cell's place this last weekend. That was a lot of fun and I got to see people I haven't in quite some time. I enjoyed that more than anything, I think. I think I might have overdone it just a little with flirting with Sarah after the alcohol loosened me up a bit, but then, I might be being too critical of myself. I'm a great judge of character, as long as that character is not me. Sue me :P.
Anyway! Started this feeling pretty down, very glad I switched gears midway through there. Much more upbeat. If you're out there, and you glance at this, hiya!
Bran
Our name is our virtue