(no subject)
Due to motherfuck state residency, any classes I take within a year will cost 800 more than common. Either I take a year off of school and sink into a pit of boredom in training for years of alcoholism, or I my parents shell out gallons of cash to pressure me into good grades I know I won't attain.
I'm sick of my mindset. I've put up with it for as long as I've been alive, and I am quite tired of it. I can't think of any person without comparing myself to that person. And they'll always be better than me unless they mention a love of 'The Real World'. And I spend every minute alone just trying to figure out what's wrong with me precisely enough that I can fix it, instead of thinking about... life. This is why I never have anything to say, not because I'm shy. It's because every stupid cell in my brain is devoted to meaningless tasks. I've got a bad computer virus in my brain, one that causes me to occasionally self-destruct for no reason. Who wants to own that computer? A dried-up water lily in the middle of a pond. I found my voice, but the voice is stiffling my substance.
Okay, deep breath. I'm going to try taking life bird by bird. Step one: Jap Final. Everything else takes back seat.
I'm sick of my mindset. I've put up with it for as long as I've been alive, and I am quite tired of it. I can't think of any person without comparing myself to that person. And they'll always be better than me unless they mention a love of 'The Real World'. And I spend every minute alone just trying to figure out what's wrong with me precisely enough that I can fix it, instead of thinking about... life. This is why I never have anything to say, not because I'm shy. It's because every stupid cell in my brain is devoted to meaningless tasks. I've got a bad computer virus in my brain, one that causes me to occasionally self-destruct for no reason. Who wants to own that computer? A dried-up water lily in the middle of a pond. I found my voice, but the voice is stiffling my substance.
Okay, deep breath. I'm going to try taking life bird by bird. Step one: Jap Final. Everything else takes back seat.