Christmas in October

[tafidadarling]

Info That Applies to All Drabbles
Author: tafidadarling
Fandom: Strangers with Candy which belongs to Comedy Central. Criminal Minds which belongs to CBS.
Pairing(s): Chuck/Geoffrey, Hotch/Garcia, Reid/Ethan, Morgan/Reid
Rating: FRT to FRM.
Notes: You ever get in the mood to listen to Christmas music out of nowhere? That happened to me yesterday and so I put in my one Christmas mix and the idea for the first drabble came to me. I figured, why not have a little Christmas now? So I wrote these stories based on some of my favourite non-traditional Christmas songs.

Cross posted to bau_fic, cm_slash, hotch_garcia, morganreid_cm, rarepairs_cm and theboysroom.

Song: "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus" by Stand Still

I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.
Saw spots of green and red.
Couldn't get the thought out of my head.
I wish that I'd rolled over and gone back to sleep instead.
I don't know. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I saw Daddy tickle Santa Claus underneath his beard so snowy white.
I coudln't make a noise at the thought that he liked boys.
It seems that he's much further in my closet than my toys.

Seamus woke with a start. Something had been knocked over downstairs and since his dad still hadn't gotten him that puppy he promised last year, that could mean only one thing.

Santa!
He rushed down the steps, careful to avoid the fourth one up since it always creaked under foot. From the landing he craned his neck and saw that the Christmas tree was crooked and ornaments were scattered around the floor. That wasn't the most shocking part, though.

No, what was more upsetting was underneath the mistletoe his mom had hung in the doorway, hoping for at least one little kiss, was his dad. He was kissing somebody, but it wasn't his mom.

Seamus had imagined Santa would be old, round and have a snowy white beard. Instead, well he was old like his dad, but he was skinny and had no facial hair to speak of. He did have long, curly hair that his dad seemed to like pulling. At least he had the red suit and hat.

"Oh God, Chuck. Yes... right there," Santa said. Seamus quickly looked away. Grown ups were so gross. But he was happy. Now he knew where his dad was spending all that time. He was Santa's helper! And if the dog bone wrapping paper didn't give them away, the food bowl certainly did.

Song: "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses
Notes: I can totally see Garcia being a Waitresses fan. Oh, and "scathingly brilliant idea" is my mom's favourite phrase of all time and she so reminds me of Garcia sometimes. :)

So on with the boots, back out in the snow
To the only all-night grocery,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
In the line is that guy I've been chasing all year!

"I'm spending this one alone," he said.
"Need a break; this year's been crazy."
I said, "Me too, but why are you?
You mean you forgot cranberries too?"

Garcia did not like having to run around last minute for things, but thanks to her suckish job (Okay, no she really did love her job.) she had no time to prepare Christmas dinner. Now it was 8:02 on the morning of and she realized she had absolutely no cranberry sauce. Granted she was only feeding herself since all her babies had plans of their own, bu tit was the principle of the matter. You can't have Christmas dinner without cranberry sauce.

And so that is how Garcia found herself at the only grocery store in town open on this holiest of all holy days, tapping her foot impatiently in the so-called express lane. Did everyone forget cranberry sauce? Just as she was about to storm out (Who did she have to impress anyway?) she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Garcia?"

"Hi Hotch! What are you doing here?"

"Getting a, uh, peace offering," he replied holding up a bottle of white wine. "I'm going to Jess's later to see Jack."

"Later? You're going to miss him opening gifts!"

"I probably already did. He gets up so early on Christmas." Hotch looked forlorn. Well, more so than usual. Garcia suddenly had a scathingly brilliant idea. She didn't care if it caused the BAU to go into a tizzy.

"So you're not busy now? How about you come over to my place for dinner. Keep a lonely lady company?"

To be honest, Garcia had expected a slew of responses, but she liked the one Hotch came up with.

"I'd love to."

Song: "Fairy Tale of New York" by The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl
Note: This song always makes me cry. It's so beautiful.

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

This was not how Spencer had intended to spend Christmas Eve. He absently played with the ring in his coat pocket as he waited for the bus. The phone call had come nearly half an hour ago, but he had just left their apartment. He didn't want Ethan to know he'd been crying.

Once he arrived at the police station, Spencer couldn't control it. Sadness turned into anger as the officer led him to the small cell Ethan occupied.

"Hey babe," he slurred.

"Don't," Spencer said curtly. "You couldn't go one night without drinking? You were supposed to come over for dinner. I was getting worried."

"I'm sorry Spence. I stopped in for a quick one and then this guy... musta been seven feet tall... He grabbed me."

"I'm sure you had plenty of time to come up with a story and I'd love to hear it because it'll be hilarious, but they said you have to stay overnight."

"What?! But it wasn't my fault Spence! You gotta believe me."

"I did believe you the first few times but not anymore. Ethan, you have a problem. You have to face that."

"I'm sorry."

"You say that alot, but you never mean it. I really can't deal with you right now." Spencer sighed and stood up.

"So you'll come for me in the morning?"

"No Ethan. I mean I can't deal with it now at this point in my life. Get help Ethan." He took the ring out of his pocket and threw it through the cell's bars. "Merry Christmas, by the way."

Song: "Christmas Night of Zombies" by MXPX
Note: This story fits into the AU of "Profile of the Dead".

I'm breaking bones with my bare hands
There's hundreds of them closing in
I'm running out of ammo now
I need to get the axe again
To split some heads in two and by
To see their bodies falling down
Struggle to survive the Christmas night
When zombies came to town

Christmas night of the living dead
My face is green and the snow is red

The snow was coming down in small, dry flakes - the kind that never stick, but it didn't matter. Reid was ecstatic none-the-less. It was his first time seeing snow. He feared that he never would as the first few months after he and Morgan finally settled down in Chicago offered none of the white stuff.

Morgan watched his boyfriend run around in the yard, the tassels of his hat trailing behind him. He would call the scene cute if he couldn't see zombies in the distance. Yes, they had been able to find their dream house (white picket fence included) but it was on the edge of the neighborhood. How Morgan hated the windows in the wall surrounding the town.

It was their first Christmas together and Morgan had wanted it to be perfect. The zombie missing a jaw pressing its face against the wall just didn't say "perfect" to Morgan. Reid on the other hand was sticking his tongue out and taunting it. Morgan couldn't help but laugh.

When he tired of his game, Reid came inside leaving his outdoor wear on the floor. His hair stuck up in every direction and his cheeks were flushed from the sudden change in temperature. Morgan realized he could ignore the zombies with Reid looking like that. Sure bullets shouldn't be stocking stuffers and the wall blocked the sun from shining their way, but as Reid pulled him into a hug, Morgan knew it was perfect after all.

Song: "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)" by The Ramones

I love you and you love me
And that's the way it's got to be
I loved you from the start
'Cause Christmas ain't the time for breaking each other's hearts

Where is Santa? At his sleigh?
Tell me why is it always this way?
Where is Rudolph? Where is Blitzen, baby?
Merry Christmas, merry merry merry Christmas

"Derek, this is hardly the time to discuss this," Reid said as he tossed the empty casserole dish in the backseat of their rental car. They had just finished Christmas dinner at Morgan's mother's. Reid loved Morgan's family because being with them, he felt, made up for all those years he missed out on traditions. Morgan was making it hard for him to enjoy it all, however.

"It just came up in conversation," Morgan said trying to save himself. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Say we hadn't talked it over yet!' Reid practically yelped. He slid into the passenger seat. He knew Morgan hated to fight while driving. Genius did that on purpose.

Morgan gathered his thoughts before he pulled out of the parking lot. "I just thought it's about time we came out to the team. I mean, I took you home for Christmas Spencer. I'm in this for the long haul."

"You better be," Reid mumbled.

"I don't want to fight. Can't we just forget about this. For now," Morgan quickly added when Reid shot him an icy glare that made the weather outside seem tropical.

"Oh, alright."

"We will talk about it when it's more... appropriate."

"Good." Reid's expression softened and he laid a hand on Morgan's thigh. "Merry Christmas Derek."

"Merry Christmas Pretty Boy."

Song: "December Is For Cynics" by The Matches

I brought you a bottle of wine full
Of flowers and this vinyl
I know we both made it clear
No stupid presents this year
But snopes.com said if you play
Strawberry Fields the wrong way
You can hear Lennon's ghost say

I buried Paul

So to hell with Holiday romantics
December is for cynics
December is for critics
Let's go buy some take out and hibernate
December is for cynics
Damn, it's too easy being great

The BAU was called away on a case two days before Christmas and they knew better than to get their hopes up that they'd make it home in time. Reid had said something along the lines of it's not the day but being together with your "family" any time that mattered. Everyone had brushed the comment off except Morgan who smiled.

It was midnight Christmas Eve, well technically then Christmas morning, when Reid lightly tapped on Morgan's door.

"I know we said we weren't exchanging presents since this is new, but I couldn't help myself." He produced a small package from behind his back.

"Reid, you shouldn't... I don't want to sound cliche. I didn't get you anything, though."

Reid's smile didn't falter as he shoved the present into Morgan's hands. "That's okay. Open it."

Underneath the garish wrapping paper was a journal. Morgan looked it over carefully. He, unlike Reid, didn't feel the need to document everything. He loved the gift regardless.

"Thank you. I really am sorry I don't have anything for you."

"That doesn't matter," Reid said. "We're together, aren't we?"

Song: "Homo Christmas" by Pansy Division
Note: I made the drabble much classier than the song. :D

You deserve a cute boy
Who's horny and queer
To make the most out of Christmas cheer
I wanna be your Christmas present
I wanna be your Christmas queer
I wanna be your Christmas present
Have a homo Christmas this year
Don't be miserable
Like Morrissey
Let me do you
underneath the Christmas tree
We'll push the packages
Out of the way
And after you've unwrapped me
Naked on the floor we'll play

All the lights were turned off and the living rom was bathed in the glow from the fireplace. They had opted for a real tree this year and so the pleasant pine smell overwhelmed them. Dinner was over and the two men finally had some time for themselves. They sat on the couch, Reid's head resting lightly on Morgan's shoulder. Suddenly, he looked up and whispered in his lover's ear, "I have one more present for you."

He untangled himself from Morgan's arms and scampered over to the tree where he proceeded to sit down. He ruffled through the trash left from the unwrapping of the morning's gifts and triumphantly held up a bow which he placed on his head. "Come unwrap me."

How could Morgan say no? Though the pine needles that eventually dug into his skin made him regret the real tree and sure the fire was warm enough when you had all your clothes on, it was the best present he ever received.