(no subject)
My sister got the Twilight series for her thirteenth birthday (and I'm afraid I've been a bit of a douche about it, oops), and so I decided I need to read them because it's gauche to mock books you haven't read. Not that that stops me, but.
11:18 AM, p. 55: Gosh, could Bella be more of a gloomy Gus? "Ugh, I hate rain, and I hate Forks, and I hate boys who are nice to me and aren't ethereally beautiful with sweet-scented breath, Jesus. Mike has been talking to me in a friendly manner that suggests he might be attracted to me for two whole days. I need to stop that shit. Also, nobody LIKES me because I'm a freakish pale freak. Nobody likes me except for the FORTY MILLION BOYS THAT LOVE ME."
Also, I think my icon is apropos, since apparently Bella can hardly walk or something.
12:49 AM, p. 324: HAAAAAATE. HAAAAAATE. God, I don't even know how I can textually render how much I hate this book and it's protagonist. It is so boring and yet so compelling, simultaneously!
Edward is sort of like an abusive boyfriend, with the random mood swings and DANGER vibes and how he just can't help himself, but Bella makes him violent. And Bella is like... there is no metaphor for Bella. She is stuck up, stupid, and has no interests outside of her preeeeety!!11! boyfriend. She is the consummate Mary Sue.
I will say this one good thing: Alice spoke for the first time probably two paragraphs ago, and I already like her better than I live everyone else combined.
My favorite thing so far has been finding quotes that perfectly, unintentionally sum up my feelings on the book, like: "Of course he wasn't interested in me, I thought angrily, my eyes stinging -- a delayed reaction to the onions. I wasn't interesting." (79) And the entire book's attitude is summed up, I believe, in this observation about Jessica: "'Oh, well he is unbelievably gorgeous.' Jessica shrugged as if this excused any flaws. Which, in her book, it probably did." (204)
I called Merc for an hour just to complain when my flight was delayed, and was so vocal that this woman asked me to move, so that she wouldn't have to hear any more. I'm too tired to recap everything, but here is some textual evidence of my feelings as the book progressed:
[Text to mercuriazs, 12:57 PM]
"so I was trapped in the ER, waiting, harrassed by Tyler's constant apologies and promises to make it up to me." Ugh. People being sorry for hitting me with their car is almost as lame as guys who think I'm cute and having hobbies.
[Text to mercuriazs, 1:00 PM]
Ps how far did you get?
[Text from mercuriazs, 1:09 PM]
I got to that scene where they're eating lunch and Edward is like, "You should stay away from me." "Why?" "Because I'm DANGEROUS."
[Text to mercuriazs, 1:09 PM]
I just got past there.
[Text from mercuriazs, 1:10 PM]
I realize there might be more than one scene that goes like that.
[Documents from the plane; I left my notebook in my checked luggage. Also, I often write in Sutterlin in public places, so that people can't judge what I'm writing.]
"Oh god oh god shoot me now? p. 236 - where I really want to die?"
"Know what I hate? When women are hardly described save for their height and ---> weight."
"I'm pretty sure the dude next to me has watched 'Made of Honor' twice" [This is unrelated, but important.]
"PS Bella's dumb."
"Oh for fuck's sake! 'if something happens' p. 246 SO DUMB. Stab me now." [Oh, I was pissed because Bella wanted to comfort Edward because he was so mopey about not being able to eat her.]
"I'm at the point where I can only read 'Twilight' in three page chunks."
"Gag me, matching? (p. 252)" [Bella and Edward accidentally match because they are MFEO]
"Has Bella seen a doctor about her balance issues?
"GOD, BELLA, WHEN YOU'RE NOT BORING YOU'RE STUPID"
"PAGE 256! It is too rich! (I wish something would H-A-P-P-E-N, though) --> NO, I CAN'T EVEN PICK A PAGE, HE FUCKIN' SPARKLES p. 260!!!" [Just...READ THOSE PAGES OF THE BOOK. NOTHING I CAN ADD COULD BE BETTER.]
"Edward's breath = "fruity, delicious" EW."
"'I don't know how to love you?'"
"p. 273 = MADE OF LAME" [Edward is an incredibly huge stalker.]
"They are so bitchy about Jessica."
"p. 279: actually, B, you're not a lot heavier than the average (sporting) backpack"
11:18 AM, p. 55: Gosh, could Bella be more of a gloomy Gus? "Ugh, I hate rain, and I hate Forks, and I hate boys who are nice to me and aren't ethereally beautiful with sweet-scented breath, Jesus. Mike has been talking to me in a friendly manner that suggests he might be attracted to me for two whole days. I need to stop that shit. Also, nobody LIKES me because I'm a freakish pale freak. Nobody likes me except for the FORTY MILLION BOYS THAT LOVE ME."
Also, I think my icon is apropos, since apparently Bella can hardly walk or something.
12:49 AM, p. 324: HAAAAAATE. HAAAAAATE. God, I don't even know how I can textually render how much I hate this book and it's protagonist. It is so boring and yet so compelling, simultaneously!
Edward is sort of like an abusive boyfriend, with the random mood swings and DANGER vibes and how he just can't help himself, but Bella makes him violent. And Bella is like... there is no metaphor for Bella. She is stuck up, stupid, and has no interests outside of her preeeeety!!11! boyfriend. She is the consummate Mary Sue.
I will say this one good thing: Alice spoke for the first time probably two paragraphs ago, and I already like her better than I live everyone else combined.
My favorite thing so far has been finding quotes that perfectly, unintentionally sum up my feelings on the book, like: "Of course he wasn't interested in me, I thought angrily, my eyes stinging -- a delayed reaction to the onions. I wasn't interesting." (79) And the entire book's attitude is summed up, I believe, in this observation about Jessica: "'Oh, well he is unbelievably gorgeous.' Jessica shrugged as if this excused any flaws. Which, in her book, it probably did." (204)
I called Merc for an hour just to complain when my flight was delayed, and was so vocal that this woman asked me to move, so that she wouldn't have to hear any more. I'm too tired to recap everything, but here is some textual evidence of my feelings as the book progressed:
[Text to mercuriazs, 12:57 PM]
"so I was trapped in the ER, waiting, harrassed by Tyler's constant apologies and promises to make it up to me." Ugh. People being sorry for hitting me with their car is almost as lame as guys who think I'm cute and having hobbies.
[Text to mercuriazs, 1:00 PM]
Ps how far did you get?
[Text from mercuriazs, 1:09 PM]
I got to that scene where they're eating lunch and Edward is like, "You should stay away from me." "Why?" "Because I'm DANGEROUS."
[Text to mercuriazs, 1:09 PM]
I just got past there.
[Text from mercuriazs, 1:10 PM]
I realize there might be more than one scene that goes like that.
[Documents from the plane; I left my notebook in my checked luggage. Also, I often write in Sutterlin in public places, so that people can't judge what I'm writing.]
"Oh god oh god shoot me now? p. 236 - where I really want to die?"
"Know what I hate? When women are hardly described save for their height and ---> weight."
"I'm pretty sure the dude next to me has watched 'Made of Honor' twice" [This is unrelated, but important.]
"PS Bella's dumb."
"Oh for fuck's sake! 'if something happens' p. 246 SO DUMB. Stab me now." [Oh, I was pissed because Bella wanted to comfort Edward because he was so mopey about not being able to eat her.]
"I'm at the point where I can only read 'Twilight' in three page chunks."
"Gag me, matching? (p. 252)" [Bella and Edward accidentally match because they are MFEO]
"Has Bella seen a doctor about her balance issues?
"GOD, BELLA, WHEN YOU'RE NOT BORING YOU'RE STUPID"
"PAGE 256! It is too rich! (I wish something would H-A-P-P-E-N, though) --> NO, I CAN'T EVEN PICK A PAGE, HE FUCKIN' SPARKLES p. 260!!!" [Just...READ THOSE PAGES OF THE BOOK. NOTHING I CAN ADD COULD BE BETTER.]
"Edward's breath = "fruity, delicious" EW."
"'I don't know how to love you?'"
"p. 273 = MADE OF LAME" [Edward is an incredibly huge stalker.]
"They are so bitchy about Jessica."
"p. 279: actually, B, you're not a lot heavier than the average (sporting) backpack"