(no subject)
I'm feeling a longing for youth again. To find myself in the same self like I found myself in sometimes between 16 and 21. The difficult thing is that back then I had agreed to being lost, to living for my self. But exactly this appreciation of being lost isn't possible for me now. I know I'd simply wither like an old flower if I did this again. I also can't afford to shut out God .. maybe He would in fact be gracious and forgive me if I slipped into self-enjoyment again for a while .. but I don't want to test this. I also have to remember Jesus' words on the Kingdom of God, that the one who looks back isn't fit for the Kingdom. I guess I just have to raise my eyes to heaven. And to look for the heavenly things. I'm only here on Earth for a comparatively little while. And I know that what we christians have, the relationship with God, the having the Holy Spirit .. it is something which the prophets of old, and the righteous of old, longed to see but haven't seen it. Yeah, it's the same thing as usual, that I have enough reason to feel joy but don't really want to be joyous. It's the same weak mind as usually. It's the mind of worries, of shame, of fearfulness, of overestimating the devil, of forgetfulness.
Jesus, you are my Lord. Please continue to lead me through life. And please either lead me to some wonderful days, or give me the strength to create wonderful days, for myself and for the others, especially my christian brethren.
Jesus, you are my Lord. Please continue to lead me through life. And please either lead me to some wonderful days, or give me the strength to create wonderful days, for myself and for the others, especially my christian brethren.