(no subject)
I overslept today, and am still at home. Happens often in the last time, except in the last two days where things worked and I didn't oversleep. When I oversleep it's always due to being unable to sleep at night. I lay in bed ... and worry. Or I talk to myself in my head.
I was asking Jesus some time ago if he ever had romantic longings while on this Earth. No answer, but as I asked what he did instead I heard a voice that said "I collected faces". It is a good idea to do ... to collect faces, to look at them when you can't sleep at night. I wonder how Jesus must have felt about them. About the people he met. I think he always waited for their faith before helping them. When faith was there, he helped. At least that was normally the case, although Jesus invited anyone who was burdened to come to him and have a rest, probably in any case.
I often mistake beginnings of apathy for peace. When I feel like wanting to drop out of society again to stay at my appartment.
I have my religiousness ... but sometimes I wish I could get back to these two years I had spent in emptiness, from 1999 to 2000. I did a lot of mistakes back then, but I often also had a peace of some kind, and I often felt a kind of relaxed joy about anything which happened. Well, I guess I should not dwell on that, these time's are gone and I am asked to enter an active life without too much contemplation. If I want to keep the man alive which I am becoming I need to get away from the old things, no matter how tempting the thought is to go back to them.
I just wished things would simply "flow" again ... that I wouldn't feel like a guy who has to swim on dry ground.
I guess one can always find reasons to complain. Reasons to think life treats you wrong. But, I am belonging to the Lord. He knows exactly when I am really down and should look for help or sympathy, and when I just have given up and need to get active again. I guess it's easy to become lazy when living for the self ... with such a philosophy every life is justified by whatever one asserts as measurement. By whatever one sees as acceptable ... the accepting or rejecting ultimately remains in control of a self-glorified ego.
OK, one smoke and then off to the hospital.
I was asking Jesus some time ago if he ever had romantic longings while on this Earth. No answer, but as I asked what he did instead I heard a voice that said "I collected faces". It is a good idea to do ... to collect faces, to look at them when you can't sleep at night. I wonder how Jesus must have felt about them. About the people he met. I think he always waited for their faith before helping them. When faith was there, he helped. At least that was normally the case, although Jesus invited anyone who was burdened to come to him and have a rest, probably in any case.
I often mistake beginnings of apathy for peace. When I feel like wanting to drop out of society again to stay at my appartment.
I have my religiousness ... but sometimes I wish I could get back to these two years I had spent in emptiness, from 1999 to 2000. I did a lot of mistakes back then, but I often also had a peace of some kind, and I often felt a kind of relaxed joy about anything which happened. Well, I guess I should not dwell on that, these time's are gone and I am asked to enter an active life without too much contemplation. If I want to keep the man alive which I am becoming I need to get away from the old things, no matter how tempting the thought is to go back to them.
I just wished things would simply "flow" again ... that I wouldn't feel like a guy who has to swim on dry ground.
I guess one can always find reasons to complain. Reasons to think life treats you wrong. But, I am belonging to the Lord. He knows exactly when I am really down and should look for help or sympathy, and when I just have given up and need to get active again. I guess it's easy to become lazy when living for the self ... with such a philosophy every life is justified by whatever one asserts as measurement. By whatever one sees as acceptable ... the accepting or rejecting ultimately remains in control of a self-glorified ego.
OK, one smoke and then off to the hospital.