My Birthday Today
Dear God,
How do all you old people manage to get so OLD, and KEEP LIVING?
Heck how do I manage to keep living while getting so old.
I mean don't get me wrong. I'm GLAD I'm still alive, I really am.
Especially after this year; which LITERALLY TRIED TO KILL ME.
(First my guts stopped working. Then my back was broken along with my NECK! I came so damn close to death this year, I was literally kissing it; so to speak. Nearly passed out from said broken neck, behind the wheel. And BEFORE THIS, I NEARLY PASSED OUT BEHIND THE WHEEL the FIRST TIME from a SUDDEN FULL BODY EXPLOSIVE HYPOGLYCEMIC ATTACK.)
So I'm more then shocked and RELIVED and OVER GRATEFUL that I AM still alive.
So far for my Birthday I've gotten:
NO Cards
NO Presents (Not one single one)
NO Cake (and it doesn't matter anyway. With the hypoglycemia rearing it's UGLY head. >X-P!)
No Dinner. (TO full from lunch.)
I DID get though:
- A TERRIBLE hypoglycemic attack that I'm STILL as I WRITE THIS, am enduring. >X-P! YUCK!
- I got to TUNE my guitar,
- and ACTUALLY ENJOY “playing” it, or in truth, noodling around. I was actually PROUD of myself with how “well” I “tuned” it, and the “songs” I was able to get out of it. TO the point wehre I was thinking once again of just recording some of my music, and editing it together into one TRUE song. :-)
So I got some TRUE ENJOYMENT out of messing around with mys stuff, for the first time in my LIFE.
That and I was actually proud of myself, which is really saying something cause I'm
N
E
V
E
R
Proud of ANYTHING I EVER DO.
EVER.
Not one damn thing I do is good enough for me.
Not one.
- I also for the FIRST TIME IN MY
ENTIRE
L
I
F
E
EVER;
E
N
J
O
Y
E
D
hanging out with my niece.
Not being social,and not knowing how to take people, kids far less, I've never known what to do with my Niece. Being handicapped, and unable to talk or communicate effectively with us; it's made it impossible to really enjoy her. get to know and get close to her. You don't know WHAT she wants what she's trying to say. Nothin'.
So it was, hell IS a BIG DEAL that I was able to actually ENJOY having to well, “play” with her. hang out, and looking back, we kinda connected. :-)
So in the end while man has flunked out on me; God, or Jesus Christ hasn't? …
…
That and so far, my back has not hurt at all today. Nor has my neck. ;-D!!!!! so that's a BIG thumbs up in the gift department as far as I'm concerned. :-)!
Up until today, my back and neck have been KILLING me, and CRIPPLING me :-(!!!! So that I can't sit at the kitchen table or out back, for any length of time and just read away.
So I'm more then happy that I'm fine now. :-)
Also, for whatever reason I've been just happy today. Just the emotion of happiness filling my whole body, my soul, my heart; my whole being. It's odd, and really there's no reason for it; but I'm more then GRATEFUL, and RELIVED for it none the less. :-)
So in the end even though I'm with out any friends, in real life here.
With out a husband.
House bound and unable to do more then shuffle around my dwelling place; I'm happy.
Oddly enough.
…
That and everyone has said Happy Birthday to me :-) (Except for my brother. But well, he doesn't count. ;-DP!)