Some thoughts on expectations, assumptions, and expressing a crush

[tacit]

So apparently, the vast, slowly capsizing shambles that is the Yahoo online empire has a dating and personals section.

I suppose I should have guessed that Yahoo has a dating and personals section. Everyone has a dating and personals section. The Onion has a dating and personals section. Hell, the Web site for the Southern Baptist Convention

Comments

[shinyobject]

I like that the way it's worded, it sounds like he'd be perfectly fine as long as all his money went to *high quality* hookers and booze.

[marnanel]

So that got me to thinking about why it is that some people who do this seem to come across as creepy, and get negative reactions; and some people who do this don't come across as creepy, and get positive reactions. I've been chewing on this for weeks, and talking to people about it, and I think that a lot of it comes down to expectation.

There's also a third option, in that someone would worry they'd come across as creepy and decide never to say anything, so it's impossible to know whether the reaction would be positive; in practice, I suppose this resolves to the second case.

[lovewithoutfear]

I really think you are on to something here. And this is a timely topic for me: I've just been having conversations about this with one of my lovers. Why is it that I find certain people's interest in me flattering and other people's creepy? And I think the expectation thing is a goodly part of it. Especially with men, especially when they come off like they have a sense of entitlement.

Thanks for articulating these thoughts!

[stitchwitch_d]

Yeah, it's in expectations and entitlement

[jonnymoon]

Wow.

[rekre8]

This.

I'd be interested in a sampling of responses that Tacit's gotten from this phrase. Quite honestly, I'd have no idea how to react to someone saying this to me after a short amount of conversation. It's very sweet, mind you, but it'd be hard to say "No" at that point due to the very projected expectation you claim not to have.

[tacit]

Perhaps seinneann_ceoil will be by to give you her direct impressions about what she felt, but from my own perspective, I can honestly say that I can tell someone "I'd like to stay in touch with you" without the expectation that the other person will say "yes." Part of it may be the nonverbal parts of the communication; absent any sort of context or experience with me in person, I can see why you might see expectation in there.

[seinneann_ceoil]

Having been on the receiving end of it, I would say that I didn't feel the need to answer yes *or* no in the situation. We had spent a good couple of hours in really interesting conversation (the kind of conversation where two hours just flies by) and it really just felt like an extension of the conversation as we were saying our goodbyes. When he told me that he had a crush on me, his body language and tone of voice was really no different than while we had been conversing for those two hours

[delphinea]

Thanks for this, Franklin. It was well thought out, well written and it makes a lot of sense out of something I've pondered myself for quite sometime.