thoughts...can desicions change your life
so i never graduated with honors. I never was the highest grade in the class or lowest (maybe in algebra hehe). I never fully learned how to properly play and instrument. I forced myself to draw and learn new things. It was never really brought up. And i always felt a little stupid trying something new because i had no idea what the fuck i was doing. This time though i wouldnt mind a little help because frankly i have no fucking clue how to actually "suceed" in this life. My parents think its graduating with a degree, some other people think its getting lots of useless shit to fill a rediculous empty house. I really dont know how to define it but to concor every single dream stored in my heart. That of course is rediculous. I dont know why i want to do the things I want to do but its just my heart that moves my legs and forces me to speak and dance along each day.
Now, present and future i feel like theres this small black tumor in my life deep in my heart. I know now is the age where we should see our gleaming future so big and bright and that we should be like "oh shit! awesome!" i just dont see that. its just really not as bright as they say. I guess its just all the shit my family goes through that positive always attiude i liked about myself gets nipped in the butt sometimes. I mean iunno i just feel like im walking in a black tunnel and like im supose to figure out what the hell is going to be my future and its like iunno. Like all these variables just shit on my face like paying for a house, where to move what to sucseed as a career.. then theres that part thats like you need to go to japan, learn another language, have more late nights dont sleep in, play music and its just overwhelming
the point of this post i dunno a good waste of time or a plotted idea thats been bothering me since i turned 18 or graduated. Point being i want to make something of myself but i dont know what lengths i have to go to get that. theres so much and im scared shitless to think im wasting my time not doing those things and i just dont know
i just want to be something..
ps. i just dont know theres just times when i want to be like "fuck i dont care!" and mean it but then iunno -sigh-
Now, present and future i feel like theres this small black tumor in my life deep in my heart. I know now is the age where we should see our gleaming future so big and bright and that we should be like "oh shit! awesome!" i just dont see that. its just really not as bright as they say. I guess its just all the shit my family goes through that positive always attiude i liked about myself gets nipped in the butt sometimes. I mean iunno i just feel like im walking in a black tunnel and like im supose to figure out what the hell is going to be my future and its like iunno. Like all these variables just shit on my face like paying for a house, where to move what to sucseed as a career.. then theres that part thats like you need to go to japan, learn another language, have more late nights dont sleep in, play music and its just overwhelming
the point of this post i dunno a good waste of time or a plotted idea thats been bothering me since i turned 18 or graduated. Point being i want to make something of myself but i dont know what lengths i have to go to get that. theres so much and im scared shitless to think im wasting my time not doing those things and i just dont know
i just want to be something..
ps. i just dont know theres just times when i want to be like "fuck i dont care!" and mean it but then iunno -sigh-