Holiday Post: Our Christmas
H was dropped off to us Friday night to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve.
So after all of her hissy fitting the other night, P called us about an hour after H was dropped off. She tried to reach me first, but I didn't answer because my phone had fallen under the couch and because I'm too lazy to set up individual ringtones, I wasn't even aware it was her until after she had continued to blow up B's phone and mine. She generally is a texter, so calling in the first place is kind of unusual for her.
B finally answered after the third time. She was yelling loud enough I could hear her through the ear piece, specifically that she was "going to jail" for causing a scene at Wal-Mart.
Considering it's Wal-Mart, the idea that one could go to jail for causing a scene there is pretty humorous. As it turns out, she attempted to generate copies of the holiday photos we had taken at JCPenney a few weeks ago. Just like with H's birthday photos, despite both of us paying for the CD equally, she insists on holding on to it.
If you've ever had portraits done through JCP, and then opted to buy the CD, you know that the purchase deal comes with three parts. The outside folder (complete with relevant purchase information like name, purchase count, and order number), the CD and its' jacket, and documentation for one hour photo kiosks which establishes your photo purchase includes the copyrights to the images. Fewer words and finer print are also on the CD jacket, basically clarifying for the retailer that the possessor isn't breaking federal copyright law.
Anyway, since P insists on holding on to the CDs herself (despite the fact that I paid for the JCP membership and archival service, plus split the cost of the CDs with her) the routine goes like this: I pick the CD up when it comes in, copy the photos over to my Mac, then hand the CD off to her (complete with outer folder and CD case) while I hold on to the physical copyright release. I then have to rely on uploading the photos to Walgreens.com plus faxing in the copyright release to get copies made. More work for me, obviously, but at least none of the anti-stepmothering harpies can say I'm not compromising. That's how it went down this year.
So, Friday night. For some reason, when P tried to get photos printed off through Wal-Mart, they refused, saying that they required a physical copyright release. Which, of course, I have in my possession, as it's the only way I can establish that I paid for the right to reproduce the studio photos since she has the CD.
In typical P fashion, she was yelling at us while simultaneously demanding one of us fix it. See, apparently, this situation is my fault, because I didn't send the copyright release with her. I've never done that, I've always held on to it, precisely because the jacket of the CD reiterates that the possession of the CD means the copyright has been purchased. If I had to hazard a guess, it would be that she lost the jacket, and that's the real problem she's running into. If that's the case, I imagine that, in her perspective, losing the jacket is irrelevant because I should have given her the release anyway.
B, stoic as always, spoke evenly but firmly; he told her we were having the family time she had afforded us and it wasn't a good time, at the moment. Considering this wasn't even a full day after the spat she tried to start about scheduling, I was impressed with his resolve to stick to the facts and not engage. She yelled something about going to jail, and B calmly told her the only way she would end up going to jail would be to keep carrying on the way she was. She told him to have me call her and hung up.
Bets on whether I called her? If you said, "No," you're right.
Here's the thing. I understand the situation is frustrating. I'm well aware that P wanted those photos for Christmas gifts and my refusal to call her back probably impeded, if not completely prevented, the process of getting her gifts together. I'm sure that to some reading, it would seem that I'm proud of this situation, or at least relishing the small amount of power I had over in this situation.
In short, that's not accurate. More complexly, P is a pest.
Most of the time, she's irritating. She's the ant problem that comes with your dream house, that you know will never totally be rid of and will keep appearing whenever there is a crack in the foundation. You accept it, because you've put down stakes and you aren't going anywhere.
But once in a while, she becomes like a termite. Rather than appear with the splintering of the wood, she creates it. She destroys the insulation and leaves behind bacteria that will make you ill. She will grow to be a toxic presence, if left unchecked.
Either way, she will be a frequent, unwanted invader. I accept that, because B and H are like my dream home and nothing will ever change that. She will forever be coming and going, even after H is grown, and I knew that was the deal when I decided to stay after the paternity test established H as B's.
But just as I don't have to personally deliver the fumigation of real-life ants and termites in my home, neither do I have to directly interact with her. I am not required to be her friend, and it isn't my job to spring her from situations of her own making.
To be fair, if she hadn't tried to start a pissing contest with B over the holiday schedule, the odds are pretty decent I would have tried to fix the situation for her. We just inherited a fax machine, so I could have submitted the copyright release to Wal-Mart easy-peasey. Under the right circumstances, had she been nicely asking for help instead of instantly blaming us, I might have even been willing to drive the documentation to the Wal-Mart, despite it being 20 minutes away.
But none of those things happened, so I didn't call her back. And unless she gives me the CD and the accompanying jacket, I'm not giving her the copyright release, either. I haven't yet ordered copies of the holiday prints, and I'm not going to run the risk of having her lose that as well (another reason that I think her holding on the CD is a really bad idea; she's flaky, forgetful, and irresponsible as all-get out) preventing me from doing what I want to do.
Because Sephie had been put to bed before H was dropped off, we were able to hide the Christmas tree and the gifts from H. After the kids had been asleep for several hours, I tiptoed into their rooms and hung up their stockings.
When we got up the next morning, I had H go through his morning routine. Once he had gone to the bathroom and Sephie had been changed, I exclaimed, "H, look!" and pointed into Sephie's room. He immediately got excited, which in turn made Sephie excited, and so we started unwrapping gifts. H wanted to rip open everyone's gifts, so we let him do that for most of Sephie's because she wasn't interested in anything except occasionally hitting a button or two.
Me
from my mom
-Two sweaters
-A purse
-A pair of flannel pajamas
from B
-A Kindle Fire
from the kids
-A Kindle Fire carrying case
from Brian
-A $50 Amazon gift card
B
from me
-A T-Fal 10-piece aluminum non-stick cookware set (similar to this one)
-A Storm Trooper glass ornament
-"Skyward Sword" for the Wii
from the kids
-Blu-Ray copy of "The Lion King"
-Sharper Image wireless headphones
-medieval-style push pins
Jointly
from DJ and Lindsay
-Two sets of wine glasses
-An electric corkscrew
from Dad and Sheila
-Cash (paid for our Christmas tree, stockings, and ornaments)
Sephie
stocking
-Two board books (Oh, the Things That You Can Think! and Are You My Mother?)
-A six-pack of socks
-A pair of Carter's fuzzy leopard-print slippers
-A toy camera phone
from us
-LeapFrog Alphabet Pal pull-string caterpillar
-A Melissa & Doug shape-sorting cube
-A Playskool Busy Gears
-A pair of Mary Jane-style Robeez (similar to these)
-A Skip Hop tray set (though this is really for B and I, because he can't be bothered to put down the place mat when Sephie eats and I hate cleaning dried food off the table; we're so impressed with it, we're ordering a second one for H)
-A V-tech musical octopus for the bath (although truth be told, this is likely to end up a joint gift since the kids take so many baths together)
from H
-These boots
-A musical snail toy
-A Melissa & Doug shapes puzzle
from my mom
-A tartan Christmas dress
-Snow White zip-up hoodie
-A package of tights
-A package of elastic hair bows
-A baby Snow White doll
-A play purse
-A board book
-A set of play pearls
from DJ and Lindsay
-A pair of fleece pajamas
-A musical baby doll
H
in stocking
-A race car glass ornament
-A giant-sized gingerbread man
-Two Dr. Seuss board books (Hop on Pop and The Eye Book)
-A "Cars" flash light (this was actually from my mom, but his stocking needed something)
from us
-A Melissa & Doug magnetic fishing game
-A Vtech V.Reader
-A sweater and khaki pants set
-A Black and Decker play tool set
-A Discovery Kids aquarium lamp
from Sephie
-A Prince Lionheart toy net
-Darth Maul light-up sneakers by Stride Rite
-Melissa & Doug alphabet magnets for the fridge
from my mom
-A box of Legos
-Three pairs of "Toy Story" underwear
-Thermal pajamas
-A Christmas outfit
-The aforementioned light-up car
from DJ and Lindsay
-A pair of fleece pajamas
-A copy of "Madagascar" on DVD
The gift haul was really great, despite our financial limitations. The vast majority of things I bought were through Amazon and through Ross, a discount store that I had never shopped at before. I've really gotten into Melissa & Doug toys (I think I'm just into the novelty of wood, maybe?) and was surprised to see how many of the Melissa & Dough items Ross carries at half-off. Sephie's shape puzzle, for example, was about $13 at KOHL'S, but I found it at ROSS for $7. This made a huge difference as I was able to buy two gifts at the price I expected to pay for one, and coupons took us the rest of the way. I'm pleased that between my siblings, their families, and ours (not counting the Kindle, obviously) we spent $200 on gifts.
After we opened gifts, B and I made the kids scrambled eggs and blueberry pancakes and sang cheesy holiday songs. H was a big help in clearing out the torn wrapping paper and putting new toys away, but admittedly did not have a great day after getting up from his nap. He doesn't do well with any departure from the schedule, and B and I agree that we need to be better about articulating out our expectations with him to re-frame his behavior. He turned it around at the end, and as per the agreement, P picked him up around 7:30.
When P arrived to pick him up, she was pretty meek. I'm guessing she didn't actually get arrested, but probably wasn't able to complete her transaction with Wal-Mart and reached the conclusion that if you want your ex and his wife to bail you out of trouble, it doesn't start by intentionally trying to start a fight for no reason.
Over all, it was an excellent holiday and both B and I are already talking about what we're going to do next year. Although it wasn't our first year as a family, in some ways, it felt like it. And the fact we were able to put on something that the kids enjoyed and loved was really nice. I can't wait until Sephie is a little older so that she can really appreciate tearing open packages and playing with her new toys.
So after all of her hissy fitting the other night, P called us about an hour after H was dropped off. She tried to reach me first, but I didn't answer because my phone had fallen under the couch and because I'm too lazy to set up individual ringtones, I wasn't even aware it was her until after she had continued to blow up B's phone and mine. She generally is a texter, so calling in the first place is kind of unusual for her.
B finally answered after the third time. She was yelling loud enough I could hear her through the ear piece, specifically that she was "going to jail" for causing a scene at Wal-Mart.
Considering it's Wal-Mart, the idea that one could go to jail for causing a scene there is pretty humorous. As it turns out, she attempted to generate copies of the holiday photos we had taken at JCPenney a few weeks ago. Just like with H's birthday photos, despite both of us paying for the CD equally, she insists on holding on to it.
If you've ever had portraits done through JCP, and then opted to buy the CD, you know that the purchase deal comes with three parts. The outside folder (complete with relevant purchase information like name, purchase count, and order number), the CD and its' jacket, and documentation for one hour photo kiosks which establishes your photo purchase includes the copyrights to the images. Fewer words and finer print are also on the CD jacket, basically clarifying for the retailer that the possessor isn't breaking federal copyright law.
Anyway, since P insists on holding on to the CDs herself (despite the fact that I paid for the JCP membership and archival service, plus split the cost of the CDs with her) the routine goes like this: I pick the CD up when it comes in, copy the photos over to my Mac, then hand the CD off to her (complete with outer folder and CD case) while I hold on to the physical copyright release. I then have to rely on uploading the photos to Walgreens.com plus faxing in the copyright release to get copies made. More work for me, obviously, but at least none of the anti-stepmothering harpies can say I'm not compromising. That's how it went down this year.
So, Friday night. For some reason, when P tried to get photos printed off through Wal-Mart, they refused, saying that they required a physical copyright release. Which, of course, I have in my possession, as it's the only way I can establish that I paid for the right to reproduce the studio photos since she has the CD.
In typical P fashion, she was yelling at us while simultaneously demanding one of us fix it. See, apparently, this situation is my fault, because I didn't send the copyright release with her. I've never done that, I've always held on to it, precisely because the jacket of the CD reiterates that the possession of the CD means the copyright has been purchased. If I had to hazard a guess, it would be that she lost the jacket, and that's the real problem she's running into. If that's the case, I imagine that, in her perspective, losing the jacket is irrelevant because I should have given her the release anyway.
B, stoic as always, spoke evenly but firmly; he told her we were having the family time she had afforded us and it wasn't a good time, at the moment. Considering this wasn't even a full day after the spat she tried to start about scheduling, I was impressed with his resolve to stick to the facts and not engage. She yelled something about going to jail, and B calmly told her the only way she would end up going to jail would be to keep carrying on the way she was. She told him to have me call her and hung up.
Bets on whether I called her? If you said, "No," you're right.
Here's the thing. I understand the situation is frustrating. I'm well aware that P wanted those photos for Christmas gifts and my refusal to call her back probably impeded, if not completely prevented, the process of getting her gifts together. I'm sure that to some reading, it would seem that I'm proud of this situation, or at least relishing the small amount of power I had over in this situation.
In short, that's not accurate. More complexly, P is a pest.
Most of the time, she's irritating. She's the ant problem that comes with your dream house, that you know will never totally be rid of and will keep appearing whenever there is a crack in the foundation. You accept it, because you've put down stakes and you aren't going anywhere.
But once in a while, she becomes like a termite. Rather than appear with the splintering of the wood, she creates it. She destroys the insulation and leaves behind bacteria that will make you ill. She will grow to be a toxic presence, if left unchecked.
Either way, she will be a frequent, unwanted invader. I accept that, because B and H are like my dream home and nothing will ever change that. She will forever be coming and going, even after H is grown, and I knew that was the deal when I decided to stay after the paternity test established H as B's.
But just as I don't have to personally deliver the fumigation of real-life ants and termites in my home, neither do I have to directly interact with her. I am not required to be her friend, and it isn't my job to spring her from situations of her own making.
To be fair, if she hadn't tried to start a pissing contest with B over the holiday schedule, the odds are pretty decent I would have tried to fix the situation for her. We just inherited a fax machine, so I could have submitted the copyright release to Wal-Mart easy-peasey. Under the right circumstances, had she been nicely asking for help instead of instantly blaming us, I might have even been willing to drive the documentation to the Wal-Mart, despite it being 20 minutes away.
But none of those things happened, so I didn't call her back. And unless she gives me the CD and the accompanying jacket, I'm not giving her the copyright release, either. I haven't yet ordered copies of the holiday prints, and I'm not going to run the risk of having her lose that as well (another reason that I think her holding on the CD is a really bad idea; she's flaky, forgetful, and irresponsible as all-get out) preventing me from doing what I want to do.
Because Sephie had been put to bed before H was dropped off, we were able to hide the Christmas tree and the gifts from H. After the kids had been asleep for several hours, I tiptoed into their rooms and hung up their stockings.
When we got up the next morning, I had H go through his morning routine. Once he had gone to the bathroom and Sephie had been changed, I exclaimed, "H, look!" and pointed into Sephie's room. He immediately got excited, which in turn made Sephie excited, and so we started unwrapping gifts. H wanted to rip open everyone's gifts, so we let him do that for most of Sephie's because she wasn't interested in anything except occasionally hitting a button or two.
Me
from my mom
-Two sweaters
-A purse
-A pair of flannel pajamas
from B
-A Kindle Fire
from the kids
-A Kindle Fire carrying case
from Brian
-A $50 Amazon gift card
B
from me
-A T-Fal 10-piece aluminum non-stick cookware set (similar to this one)
-A Storm Trooper glass ornament
-"Skyward Sword" for the Wii
from the kids
-Blu-Ray copy of "The Lion King"
-Sharper Image wireless headphones
-medieval-style push pins
Jointly
from DJ and Lindsay
-Two sets of wine glasses
-An electric corkscrew
from Dad and Sheila
-Cash (paid for our Christmas tree, stockings, and ornaments)
Sephie
stocking
-Two board books (Oh, the Things That You Can Think! and Are You My Mother?)
-A six-pack of socks
-A pair of Carter's fuzzy leopard-print slippers
-A toy camera phone
from us
-LeapFrog Alphabet Pal pull-string caterpillar
-A Melissa & Doug shape-sorting cube
-A Playskool Busy Gears
-A pair of Mary Jane-style Robeez (similar to these)
-A Skip Hop tray set (though this is really for B and I, because he can't be bothered to put down the place mat when Sephie eats and I hate cleaning dried food off the table; we're so impressed with it, we're ordering a second one for H)
-A V-tech musical octopus for the bath (although truth be told, this is likely to end up a joint gift since the kids take so many baths together)
from H
-These boots
-A musical snail toy
-A Melissa & Doug shapes puzzle
from my mom
-A tartan Christmas dress
-Snow White zip-up hoodie
-A package of tights
-A package of elastic hair bows
-A baby Snow White doll
-A play purse
-A board book
-A set of play pearls
from DJ and Lindsay
-A pair of fleece pajamas
-A musical baby doll
H
in stocking
-A race car glass ornament
-A giant-sized gingerbread man
-Two Dr. Seuss board books (Hop on Pop and The Eye Book)
-A "Cars" flash light (this was actually from my mom, but his stocking needed something)
from us
-A Melissa & Doug magnetic fishing game
-A Vtech V.Reader
-A sweater and khaki pants set
-A Black and Decker play tool set
-A Discovery Kids aquarium lamp
from Sephie
-A Prince Lionheart toy net
-Darth Maul light-up sneakers by Stride Rite
-Melissa & Doug alphabet magnets for the fridge
from my mom
-A box of Legos
-Three pairs of "Toy Story" underwear
-Thermal pajamas
-A Christmas outfit
-The aforementioned light-up car
from DJ and Lindsay
-A pair of fleece pajamas
-A copy of "Madagascar" on DVD
The gift haul was really great, despite our financial limitations. The vast majority of things I bought were through Amazon and through Ross, a discount store that I had never shopped at before. I've really gotten into Melissa & Doug toys (I think I'm just into the novelty of wood, maybe?) and was surprised to see how many of the Melissa & Dough items Ross carries at half-off. Sephie's shape puzzle, for example, was about $13 at KOHL'S, but I found it at ROSS for $7. This made a huge difference as I was able to buy two gifts at the price I expected to pay for one, and coupons took us the rest of the way. I'm pleased that between my siblings, their families, and ours (not counting the Kindle, obviously) we spent $200 on gifts.
After we opened gifts, B and I made the kids scrambled eggs and blueberry pancakes and sang cheesy holiday songs. H was a big help in clearing out the torn wrapping paper and putting new toys away, but admittedly did not have a great day after getting up from his nap. He doesn't do well with any departure from the schedule, and B and I agree that we need to be better about articulating out our expectations with him to re-frame his behavior. He turned it around at the end, and as per the agreement, P picked him up around 7:30.
When P arrived to pick him up, she was pretty meek. I'm guessing she didn't actually get arrested, but probably wasn't able to complete her transaction with Wal-Mart and reached the conclusion that if you want your ex and his wife to bail you out of trouble, it doesn't start by intentionally trying to start a fight for no reason.
Over all, it was an excellent holiday and both B and I are already talking about what we're going to do next year. Although it wasn't our first year as a family, in some ways, it felt like it. And the fact we were able to put on something that the kids enjoyed and loved was really nice. I can't wait until Sephie is a little older so that she can really appreciate tearing open packages and playing with her new toys.