Parenting: Preschool Arrangements
We're revamping the childcare arrangement for H.
After last week's drama, I decided that there had to be a better way for everyone to get what they wanted and still be in H's best interest. It irritates me that my in-laws continue to harbor this assumption that they are JUST AS ENTITLED to see H as we are. I understand that they helped raise H for the first two years of his life, I really do. But they also need to understand that their visitation with him is a privilege, not a right.
As it turns out, the Montessori director feels H is ready to be bumped up to preschool. She feels a lot of his frustration comes from being held back with kids who are not as verbal as he is. It's easy to forget H is three, because he is so articulate and advanced. He speaks and looks like a six-year-old, but emotionally, he's obviously still just three. While most of his peers enjoy getting read to, for example, he's wanting to actually read for himself, and so on.
In any case, the preschool schedule is a little different than the daycare schedule. Instead of going for full days, the preschool runs from 8:30 until 12:30. There's no need to struggle for a nap because he's picked up while the other kids are getting ready to sleep. The downside, obviously, is that it's five days a week. I say "down side" not because I think it's bad to go that long, but our struggles with P have largely been around getting him there at a certain time, and her belief that she should not have to drop him off before she is good and ready (I wonder how that's supposed to work when she plans on putting him in that fancy, $6,000 a month primary school?) regardless of the school's schedule.
Still, I think the consistency of attending one place five days a week would be a blessing for H. He's never at one place longer than three days as it is, and I truly believe his behavior problems really started when P yanked him out because of her "finances." I think he needs the consistency and the reliability, regardless of the inconvenience.
So I told the director I would try to work it out, because I agree that he needs a more challenging learning environment. Although it's actually going to cost less money to send him to the preschool program (flying in the face of possible suggestions that they want to move a three-year-old into the four- and five-year-old category for monetary reasons) it's still not exactly pocket change, and given how much obscene child support we pay P each month, I knew it was an expense we couldn't afford on our own. I also knew that if she was being told she had to pay for it, it wouldn't happen.
I had the idea to call Martyr. After all, part of why the schedule needs to be reworked is so that she can see him once a week for "just Grandma bonding time". Why not ask her to help financially make that an option? When I explained the situation, I highlighted that sending H to the school five days a week where he is reliably picked up by 12:30 moots a lot of my concerns about transition and stability. I pointed out that it would now be very easy for her to pick him up on Tuesdays or Wednesdays to have her desired days with no backlash, but that financially, we needed her help to cover the deficit for P's days to make sure we pulled it off. Initially, she waffled and said she would not agree to anything until P did, but I went all in and reminded her that if she didn't agree to cover the deficit, I had absolutely no bargaining power to make it a persuasive arrangement for P, so she caved and said she'd cover it after all.
Then I called B and explained what I had worked out with the Montessori and his mom. He agreed with the reasoning of the Montessori and that the schedule will be more beneficial to H. I told him he needed to deal with P, because when it comes to financial matters between the two of them, I intentionally stay out of it. He was amazed when I told him that Martyr would be covering the difference, so P no longer had reasons to insist it was purely financial that H is no longer attending, and that she would absolutely have to agree and understand that H's arrival at 8:30 was mandatory, not optional.
He called a short time later and said that although P had reservations about H's maturity level in preschool, she had agreed to it. We're trading schedules anyway, so B and I will have H Sunday through Wednesday and every other Saturday. This means she really will only be responsible for two days a week, in terms of getting H to and picked up from preschool. Somehow, I suspect between her, her boyfriend, and her family, they can make it happen--remember, she's said for months the only reason she pulled him out was financial, and now, that's not even an issue.
I'm relieved. It will definitely be better for H. I've been telling B for some time that I think he isn't challenged enough. I'm not sure what happens when he's with P, but I will readily admit we don't do enough to challenge him. We read to him every night, but there's got to be more that we can do. I've been successful in my campaign to keep the television off when the kids are around (exception: when I'm nursing Sephie; then I'll watch "I Survived" because it's just people talking, there are no action cut aways or anything to distract her) but we need to get better about actually focusing on their education and learning. I'm not suggesting lesson plans on the daily, but something more than occasionally taking them to the park, you know?
Even better, my schedule will not be held hostage by P's any longer. Despite coming up with the Wednesday arrangement to help her, she has consistently refused to be in contact with me or meet my adjusted time windows. I had initially told her I wanted H here between 9:30 and 11:30, though closer to 11 if he hadn't eaten lunch. What was so hard about that? I guess a lot, because she never made it happen. She was dropping him off at noon or 8 a.m. It was positively frustrating, and she would always offer up lame excuses about her schedule. The bottom line, obviously, was that my schedule didn't matter; only hers did.
And I had to start canceling appointments for Sephie because not only did I not have any idea when H was being dropped off, she wouldn't return my messages. She's really big into promising to text message the night before or the morning of and she never does and she'll always blame "poor reception" or something. It was getting to the point that I was going to have her show up to an empty house the next time she was wildly outside of the time window, because I felt that taken advantage of. I couldn't make plans for myself or Sephie and it was getting ridiculous.
So, now that's off the table. Awesome! I'll still have H here with me on Mondays and one other day, but at least my schedule will be mine. I won't have to plan around P's flakiness.
Other than that, today has really been terrible. The battery in my car was dead, courtesy of B failing to properly close the lift gate last night, meaning we missed Sephie's auditory screening. It's been re-scheduled to November 7, but I'm still irritated because it was one of the rare occasions where she was actually up all night. Not sick, as far as I could tell; she just didn't want to go to sleep anywhere but on me.
I'm exhausted and cranky and in need of a nap, but couldn't take one while she was down because I spent the entire time trying to track down my medical records since my doctor's office from two and a half years ago went out of business, and nobody has any idea where those records were transferred. Since it was part of a national chain of clinics, you would think that someone would notify the patients. But of course not. And now that I need those records, I can't access them, and that's going to be a real issue at the end of the month.
Annoying.
After last week's drama, I decided that there had to be a better way for everyone to get what they wanted and still be in H's best interest. It irritates me that my in-laws continue to harbor this assumption that they are JUST AS ENTITLED to see H as we are. I understand that they helped raise H for the first two years of his life, I really do. But they also need to understand that their visitation with him is a privilege, not a right.
As it turns out, the Montessori director feels H is ready to be bumped up to preschool. She feels a lot of his frustration comes from being held back with kids who are not as verbal as he is. It's easy to forget H is three, because he is so articulate and advanced. He speaks and looks like a six-year-old, but emotionally, he's obviously still just three. While most of his peers enjoy getting read to, for example, he's wanting to actually read for himself, and so on.
In any case, the preschool schedule is a little different than the daycare schedule. Instead of going for full days, the preschool runs from 8:30 until 12:30. There's no need to struggle for a nap because he's picked up while the other kids are getting ready to sleep. The downside, obviously, is that it's five days a week. I say "down side" not because I think it's bad to go that long, but our struggles with P have largely been around getting him there at a certain time, and her belief that she should not have to drop him off before she is good and ready (I wonder how that's supposed to work when she plans on putting him in that fancy, $6,000 a month primary school?) regardless of the school's schedule.
Still, I think the consistency of attending one place five days a week would be a blessing for H. He's never at one place longer than three days as it is, and I truly believe his behavior problems really started when P yanked him out because of her "finances." I think he needs the consistency and the reliability, regardless of the inconvenience.
So I told the director I would try to work it out, because I agree that he needs a more challenging learning environment. Although it's actually going to cost less money to send him to the preschool program (flying in the face of possible suggestions that they want to move a three-year-old into the four- and five-year-old category for monetary reasons) it's still not exactly pocket change, and given how much obscene child support we pay P each month, I knew it was an expense we couldn't afford on our own. I also knew that if she was being told she had to pay for it, it wouldn't happen.
I had the idea to call Martyr. After all, part of why the schedule needs to be reworked is so that she can see him once a week for "just Grandma bonding time". Why not ask her to help financially make that an option? When I explained the situation, I highlighted that sending H to the school five days a week where he is reliably picked up by 12:30 moots a lot of my concerns about transition and stability. I pointed out that it would now be very easy for her to pick him up on Tuesdays or Wednesdays to have her desired days with no backlash, but that financially, we needed her help to cover the deficit for P's days to make sure we pulled it off. Initially, she waffled and said she would not agree to anything until P did, but I went all in and reminded her that if she didn't agree to cover the deficit, I had absolutely no bargaining power to make it a persuasive arrangement for P, so she caved and said she'd cover it after all.
Then I called B and explained what I had worked out with the Montessori and his mom. He agreed with the reasoning of the Montessori and that the schedule will be more beneficial to H. I told him he needed to deal with P, because when it comes to financial matters between the two of them, I intentionally stay out of it. He was amazed when I told him that Martyr would be covering the difference, so P no longer had reasons to insist it was purely financial that H is no longer attending, and that she would absolutely have to agree and understand that H's arrival at 8:30 was mandatory, not optional.
He called a short time later and said that although P had reservations about H's maturity level in preschool, she had agreed to it. We're trading schedules anyway, so B and I will have H Sunday through Wednesday and every other Saturday. This means she really will only be responsible for two days a week, in terms of getting H to and picked up from preschool. Somehow, I suspect between her, her boyfriend, and her family, they can make it happen--remember, she's said for months the only reason she pulled him out was financial, and now, that's not even an issue.
I'm relieved. It will definitely be better for H. I've been telling B for some time that I think he isn't challenged enough. I'm not sure what happens when he's with P, but I will readily admit we don't do enough to challenge him. We read to him every night, but there's got to be more that we can do. I've been successful in my campaign to keep the television off when the kids are around (exception: when I'm nursing Sephie; then I'll watch "I Survived" because it's just people talking, there are no action cut aways or anything to distract her) but we need to get better about actually focusing on their education and learning. I'm not suggesting lesson plans on the daily, but something more than occasionally taking them to the park, you know?
Even better, my schedule will not be held hostage by P's any longer. Despite coming up with the Wednesday arrangement to help her, she has consistently refused to be in contact with me or meet my adjusted time windows. I had initially told her I wanted H here between 9:30 and 11:30, though closer to 11 if he hadn't eaten lunch. What was so hard about that? I guess a lot, because she never made it happen. She was dropping him off at noon or 8 a.m. It was positively frustrating, and she would always offer up lame excuses about her schedule. The bottom line, obviously, was that my schedule didn't matter; only hers did.
And I had to start canceling appointments for Sephie because not only did I not have any idea when H was being dropped off, she wouldn't return my messages. She's really big into promising to text message the night before or the morning of and she never does and she'll always blame "poor reception" or something. It was getting to the point that I was going to have her show up to an empty house the next time she was wildly outside of the time window, because I felt that taken advantage of. I couldn't make plans for myself or Sephie and it was getting ridiculous.
So, now that's off the table. Awesome! I'll still have H here with me on Mondays and one other day, but at least my schedule will be mine. I won't have to plan around P's flakiness.
Other than that, today has really been terrible. The battery in my car was dead, courtesy of B failing to properly close the lift gate last night, meaning we missed Sephie's auditory screening. It's been re-scheduled to November 7, but I'm still irritated because it was one of the rare occasions where she was actually up all night. Not sick, as far as I could tell; she just didn't want to go to sleep anywhere but on me.
I'm exhausted and cranky and in need of a nap, but couldn't take one while she was down because I spent the entire time trying to track down my medical records since my doctor's office from two and a half years ago went out of business, and nobody has any idea where those records were transferred. Since it was part of a national chain of clinics, you would think that someone would notify the patients. But of course not. And now that I need those records, I can't access them, and that's going to be a real issue at the end of the month.
Annoying.