Believe it or not, I'm constantly looking to you and your entries as kind of a grounding point. From the short time I've known you, I've seen (as much as you can see through someone's LJ, I suppose) you really weather some storms with him that strike pretty close to home. This time two years ago, I remember feeling distinctly that the hurdles with his family would never be overcome. They have, but it took me having B's child and marrying him to do it. I'm not sure I will ever be accepted on my own merits. But seeing you go through what you have gives me hope that even if it doesn't happen, I find the strength to make peace with it.
I know he doesn't understand what "I hate you means," and he probably picked it up from one of P's siblings (she's the middle-child of seven, and so there four younger than her ranging from 11 to 17, ergo plenty of opportunity to throw that line around) but it just felt like the icing on the cake as far as everything goes. Nobody was around when he said it, because it was during one of the days I have him on my own, but it was crushing to hear that.
I like your response to it, though. Is it manipulative, really, when that's how you feel? I mean, I don't have a teenager yet so I may be talking out of my ass, but even when our kids are pissing us off and driving us nuts, don't we still love them? I don't know. Either way, I think I'll try the approach. With H, I just feel like I have to go that extra step because he is going to have everyone from P to society telling him that he matters less to me because he isn't biologically mine, and I refuse to go with that grain.
I guess manipulative was the wrong word to use. It's slightly deceitful, but not. I think you know what I mean. I haven't had coffee. lol
Keep doing what you're doing, and letting him know that you love him as often as possible while continuing to teach him right from wrong. Being fair and balanced and training him to be an adult won't go unnoticed. Someday he's going to have to be out in this big world by himself. Letting him do anything he wants and teaching him that it's okay to be disrespectful or hateful might just be a hassle to them now but when he grows up... well... good thing Dad's an attorney.
Even if a kid with no structure lucks out and figures out how to have morals on their own, there are a lot of other life lessons to learn. When I grew up, I had no idea how to manage a house. I knew how to mop a floor, for instance, but I didn't know how to look at a room and think "Well, this needs to be done." That skill is extremely important for anyone, no matter what they do or don't do for a living. We all have to survive in our space. The reason I didn't learn it was because I lived with my dad and he did everything for me, whether I wanted him to or not. I visited my mom on alternating weekends and she made me do chores there but it wasn't enough.
My kids might think I'm a hardass sometimes but I always do it with love and I know from experience that they will thank me someday.
I know he doesn't understand what "I hate you means," and he probably picked it up from one of P's siblings (she's the middle-child of seven, and so there four younger than her ranging from 11 to 17, ergo plenty of opportunity to throw that line around) but it just felt like the icing on the cake as far as everything goes. Nobody was around when he said it, because it was during one of the days I have him on my own, but it was crushing to hear that.
I like your response to it, though. Is it manipulative, really, when that's how you feel? I mean, I don't have a teenager yet so I may be talking out of my ass, but even when our kids are pissing us off and driving us nuts, don't we still love them? I don't know. Either way, I think I'll try the approach. With H, I just feel like I have to go that extra step because he is going to have everyone from P to society telling him that he matters less to me because he isn't biologically mine, and I refuse to go with that grain.
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I guess manipulative was the wrong word to use. It's slightly deceitful, but not. I think you know what I mean. I haven't had coffee. lol
Keep doing what you're doing, and letting him know that you love him as often as possible while continuing to teach him right from wrong. Being fair and balanced and training him to be an adult won't go unnoticed. Someday he's going to have to be out in this big world by himself. Letting him do anything he wants and teaching him that it's okay to be disrespectful or hateful might just be a hassle to them now but when he grows up... well... good thing Dad's an attorney.
Even if a kid with no structure lucks out and figures out how to have morals on their own, there are a lot of other life lessons to learn. When I grew up, I had no idea how to manage a house. I knew how to mop a floor, for instance, but I didn't know how to look at a room and think "Well, this needs to be done." That skill is extremely important for anyone, no matter what they do or don't do for a living. We all have to survive in our space. The reason I didn't learn it was because I lived with my dad and he did everything for me, whether I wanted him to or not. I visited my mom on alternating weekends and she made me do chores there but it wasn't enough.
My kids might think I'm a hardass sometimes but I always do it with love and I know from experience that they will thank me someday.
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I remember when my cousin was little, and his mom made him mad. he told her "I'm going to run away and never come back for 6 whole years!"
Not only did he get over it and not run away but he's 23 now and she can't get rid of him. LOL
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