Pregnancy: Missing a Mom
I'm sick in bed with something that I caught from B, who most certainly caught it from H\\. I'm seeing all kinds of flashes of the future in this. The thing is, H is sick all the time. I'd like to blame it on him not being breast fed, but the more likely culprit is that P works in retail, constantly deals with cash and thus passes germs and bacteria on to H. It also doesn't help that two of his aunts are still in grammar and middle school respectively, and bring home their fair share of illness as well.
I'm not looking forward to this, because having just gotten over a stomach bug that was caused by the baby, I'm getting a taste of recovering just so from one kid while the other one gets me sick. And it has me slightly concerned. H's going to start Montessori the month before I'm due. I'm wondering how I can protect the baby from the germs he'll pick up and drag home with him from there. Obviously, breast feeding is a step in the right direction, but do I just keep him from his little sister when he's ill, and vice-versa? I want them to bond, but I also don't want them making each other sick all the time.
It's obviously premature to be worrying about this. But I've been thinking about this kind of stuff a lot lately, because I'm an obsessive type of person who likes every detail planned. I want to have something lined up in case I have a really rough labor and need to take a recovery period. Someone I can trust to walk the dogs, change the baby and do some of the light housework during that adjustment period, rather that put all the responsibility on B's shoulders. I do know that the birthing center offers doulas, but I'm not completely sure if their role is to serve as a living assistant.
I wish I had someone back home that I could count on to come and stay with me for a few days to help out. But I don't have any sisters and my mother coming is totally out of the question. Given our relationship, it would actually stress me out more to have here because she'd insist on smoking inside (never mind that we don't smoke, and that it isn't good for the baby) and I don't buy that she'd actually help out.
Caroline, who I asked to be the baby's godmother, will be involved in both a wedding and moving to Korea. In her defense, she assured me she would do everything possible to make it in for the baby's birth, but I told her as the maid-of-honor for her friend Katie's wedding, that needs to be her priority because we can't even be sure when I'm going to go into labor and maid-of-honor is a really big deal. I'm kind of wishing I hadn't said that.
The truth is, I'm also going to want someone out here to bring me comfort. I have a few friends here, and B's family, and the dogs. But it's not the same as having Dad just down the street or even my cluster of friends in Lawrence. I feel so lonely a fair amount of the time anyway, and I'm worried my friends and family won't get to witness my daughter's life.
I guess even the side stuff would be less important. I just want someone here to have some female bonding with. I wish, more than anything, my aunt Patti would be available. She's the best mother I've ever seen and served as a mother to me in many ways over the years. But I don't think traveling appeals to her much these days, because she's getting up there in years. I want someone there to reassure me that no, I'm not going to break her and really, it's going to be alright.
I just feel like this is another thing I'm going to miss out on, due to the relationship I have with my own mom. It's difficult for me to read the posts in pregnant or on my friends' lists of women having their mothers or their sisters coming to stay with them after the birth of their children because I won't get to access that. There's a kind of sadness there that I don't think will ever be addressed, even as I do everything possible to make sure my daughter doesn't have the same experience I did.
I'm not looking forward to this, because having just gotten over a stomach bug that was caused by the baby, I'm getting a taste of recovering just so from one kid while the other one gets me sick. And it has me slightly concerned. H's going to start Montessori the month before I'm due. I'm wondering how I can protect the baby from the germs he'll pick up and drag home with him from there. Obviously, breast feeding is a step in the right direction, but do I just keep him from his little sister when he's ill, and vice-versa? I want them to bond, but I also don't want them making each other sick all the time.
It's obviously premature to be worrying about this. But I've been thinking about this kind of stuff a lot lately, because I'm an obsessive type of person who likes every detail planned. I want to have something lined up in case I have a really rough labor and need to take a recovery period. Someone I can trust to walk the dogs, change the baby and do some of the light housework during that adjustment period, rather that put all the responsibility on B's shoulders. I do know that the birthing center offers doulas, but I'm not completely sure if their role is to serve as a living assistant.
I wish I had someone back home that I could count on to come and stay with me for a few days to help out. But I don't have any sisters and my mother coming is totally out of the question. Given our relationship, it would actually stress me out more to have here because she'd insist on smoking inside (never mind that we don't smoke, and that it isn't good for the baby) and I don't buy that she'd actually help out.
Caroline, who I asked to be the baby's godmother, will be involved in both a wedding and moving to Korea. In her defense, she assured me she would do everything possible to make it in for the baby's birth, but I told her as the maid-of-honor for her friend Katie's wedding, that needs to be her priority because we can't even be sure when I'm going to go into labor and maid-of-honor is a really big deal. I'm kind of wishing I hadn't said that.
The truth is, I'm also going to want someone out here to bring me comfort. I have a few friends here, and B's family, and the dogs. But it's not the same as having Dad just down the street or even my cluster of friends in Lawrence. I feel so lonely a fair amount of the time anyway, and I'm worried my friends and family won't get to witness my daughter's life.
I guess even the side stuff would be less important. I just want someone here to have some female bonding with. I wish, more than anything, my aunt Patti would be available. She's the best mother I've ever seen and served as a mother to me in many ways over the years. But I don't think traveling appeals to her much these days, because she's getting up there in years. I want someone there to reassure me that no, I'm not going to break her and really, it's going to be alright.
I just feel like this is another thing I'm going to miss out on, due to the relationship I have with my own mom. It's difficult for me to read the posts in pregnant or on my friends' lists of women having their mothers or their sisters coming to stay with them after the birth of their children because I won't get to access that. There's a kind of sadness there that I don't think will ever be addressed, even as I do everything possible to make sure my daughter doesn't have the same experience I did.