Kept!verse: Ever Decreasing Circles
This is the fifteenth story in my Kept!verse, in which Jeff's a billionaire, Jensen's a princess and Jared's the long suffering bodyguard. It follows Memories
Title: Ever Decreasing Circles
Author: tabbyshhh
Wordcount: 2,577
Rating: PG13
Characters/Pairings: Jeffrey Dean Morgan/Jensen Ackles
Warnings: RPS, AU
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: None of this is real. As far as I Know Jeff isn’t a billionaire, Jensen isn’t a princess and Jared isn’t a bodyguard.
Summary: It's like going round in circles that keep getting smaller.
Notes: Thanks to everyone who has commented on the previous stories in this verse.
“Hey.” Jared opens the door to Jensen, unable to stop himself looking surprised.
“Hey. You’re not busy are you?” Jensen asks.
“Nope. Tom went to a show with Mike.” Jared shrugs.
“You didn’t want to go?”
“Musicals aren’t really my thing.” Jared shudders a little, worried when Jensen doesn’t even crack a smile. “Is everything ok?” He gets Jensen a beer and hands it over.
“Not really.” Jensen sits down on the sofa and curls in on himself.
“How did you get here?” Jared asks. He’d left early for a therapy appointment so he’s not sure who’s on duty tonight.
“Caught a cab.” Jensen shrugs and Jared raises an eyebrow.
“Jeff won’t like that.”
“I doubt he’ll even notice.”
“He’s not home yet?” Jared can’t help but sigh.
“No.” Jensen kicks his shoes off and curls his legs up underneath himself. “He didn’t even call. He said he’d be home for dinner, so I cooked and then when he was late I got worried. I called his cell but he didn’t pick up, and there was no answer on his private office line, so I called his assistant. She said he was in a meeting and that if she’d known I was waiting for him to come home she would have called me. I mean…He can’t even be bothered to ask his assistant to call me and tell me he’ll be late? I don’t think that’s asking a lot.”
“It’s not.” Jared agrees. Sometimes he feels like he shouldn’t take sides in these little battles between Jeff and Jensen, but Jensen’s his friend and he’s not working right now. Plus, Jeff is clearly in the wrong. He feels like he should stick up for him a little, even though he thinks Jensen’s been amazingly tolerant of the hours Jeff’s been working lately. “Things are just rough right now, he wants to make sure that they don’t have to lay off any staff.”
“I know.” Jensen sighs. “And I’ve been trying to be understanding. I just wish he wouldn’t say he’s coming home and then not even call. Why can’t he just tell me he doesn’t know when he’ll be back? At least that’s the truth.”
“He probably doesn’t want to upset you.” Jared soothes.
“He’s going the wrong way about it.” Jensen takes a sip of his beer, looking at the floor for a moment. Jared just lets him be quiet. “He wants us to adopt.” Jared looks up at Jensen’s quiet words. He’s not really surprised, Jeff and Jensen both love kids, he just didn’t know they’d discussed it. “We had this big talk about it a week ago. He’s really excited.”
“You’re not?”
“I want to be.” Jensen sighs. “I love Logan and Lincoln and the idea of having my own…For a while I figured it was something I’d never have. But Jeff’s always wanted kids and I knew it from pretty early on so…”
“So what’s the problem?” Jared asks softly.
“He’s never at home.” Jensen looks up at Jared and Jared’s shocked by the fear in his eyes. “I just…What if I’m no good at it? What if I’m a lousy father and all they have is me because Jeff’s always at work?” Jensen asks.
“You’ll be a great dad, Jen.” Jared argues, although he guesses that’s not really the point. “You need to talk to him.”
“There’s no point. I feel like…Lately all I do is argue with him to get him to come home, and by the time he comes home, I don’t want to spend time with him, I don’t even want to look at him. I shouldn’t have to fight with him to get him to spend time with me and I can’t bring a child into that.” Jensen sighs. “But I don’t know how to tell him, I don’t want him to feel like he’s being attacked or that I’m forcing him to work less, you know?”
“No. You need to talk to him because you’re right. This isn’t you being spoiled or selfish. This is you being an adult and raising valid concerns to your husband. You can’t bring a child into an environment that you’re not happy in, because you’ll all just suffer.” Jared replies. He thinks Jensen will make a great dad, but if Jensen’s nervous and wants Jeff’s support, well, he damn well deserves to get it. “You need to talk to him. Really talk. Tell him what you just told me. If he really wants a kid he’ll listen, Jensen. He will.”
“I hope so.” Jensen drains the rest of his beer.
*
Jeff finds Jensen sitting in the living room, staring at the book in his hands. He’s not sure what’s going on but Jared had given him a dark look before telling Jeff where Jensen was and saying he was heading home. Jeff can only guess that Jensen’s upset with the number of hours he’s been putting in lately. He’s been letting him get away with it but things were bound to blow up eventually.
“Hey.” Jeff announces his presence quickly. Jensen looks up at him but he doesn’t seem angry, he looks upset, which is always worse. “Sorry I’m late but…”
“We need to talk.” Jensen interrupts. Jeff can feel his eyes widen at the phrase. Jensen puts his book down on the coffee table and uncurls his legs from beneath him, waiting until Jeff walks to sit beside him.
“Look, I know I’ve been putting in a lot of hours but things are bad, with the economy the way it is right now and…”
“Jeff.” Jensen interrupts. “Just stop. I have some things I need to say and you need to listen, because a lot of the time you don’t.”
“I always listen.” Jeff argues, feeling the sting of Jensen’s words, even though he can tell his husband is purposefully keeping his tone soft. This isn’t how Jensen usually approaches things and it’s worrying.
“No, you don’t.” Jensen sighs, smiling slightly. “You try to. I know that. You pay attention, and you could repeat back to me what I’ve said to you but it’s like you don’t quite get it. It doesn’t sink in, and maybe that’s my fault. Jared always says people don’t hear what you’re saying when you yell, they just hear anger. You hear… You hear what I’m saying and you say the right things back, and you even make changes for a while. But then everything just slides back to how it was before. It’s like going round in circles that keep getting smaller.”
Jensen looks away and then looks back again, taking Jeff’s hand.
“I know that things are bad at the moment, and that you’re busy trying to avoid having to lay people off. I understand that, and I know the people who work for you appreciate the effort you put it. I don’t even mind that I come second to your work…”
“Jensen.” Jeff sighs, because he hates it when Jensen says that.
“I do, Jeff, and I get it. It’s ok. It’s just…” Jensen pauses and takes a deep breath. “You were talking about wanting to adopt.” Jensen smiles at him a little but Jeff can see the sheen of tears in his eyes. God, he hates making Jensen cry. “I want that too, you know I do. We have so much we could give to a child. Children. It’s just…” Jensen swallows. “You’re going to be a great father, Jeff. Everyone can see that.” He pauses to smile at Jeff but the tears are still in his eyes. “But…I don’t know if I will be. I feel like…I don’t know if I can do it without your help. Without your support and right now I don’t feel like you can give that to me.”
“Jensen.” Jeff tries to interrupt again, to make promises he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to keep.
“No.” Jensen shakes his head. “Just listen, I’m almost done anyway.” He takes a deep breath. “Right now you’re too invested in your work to fit anything else into your life, Jeff. Into our life. And that’s fine, I’m fine. I have my course, and my charity work and my friends. Like I said, I understand things have been bad lately and I’ve been trying not to get too upset about the fact that you’re not home much, but Jeff…A child doesn’t understand that the economy’s bad. They don’t understand that you have thousands of people relying on you right now. They just wonder why their daddy’s never at home and that’s not fair. And I can’t…” Jensen finally lets a tear escape. “Jeff I can’t bring a child into a home where it might feel unwanted. And I don’t feel like I can agree to adopt until I…Until I trust you to be there with me, when I need you. And right now? I don’t.”
Jeff feels his own eyes fill with tears at that, at how much it obviously pains Jensen to admit that.
“Jeff.” Jensen looks even more upset. “Don’t. I didn’t want to hurt you, I just needed you to understand.”
“Jensen.” Jeff chokes back a sob because Jensen’s right. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
“I do!” Jeff argues. “I made you cry. Again. Jesus, it feels like I’m always making you cry, I don’t know why you put up with me.”
“Because I love you, you idiot.” Jensen smiles at him, kisses him for the first time since he got home and Jeff sinks into his embrace, letting Jensen hold him while he cries, the way he’s done for Jensen a thousand times.
“Sorry.” He pushes back after a while and wipes the tears off his face. “You don’t come second to my job, Jensen. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. Again.” He sighs, because sometimes it feels like he apologises to Jensen too much and Jensen just accepts it.
“It’s ok.” Jensen kisses his cheek, wiping away a stray tear for him.
“It’s not ok, Jen.” Jeff argues. “You’re the most important thing in my life. I’d give up everything for you.”
“I don’t expect you to give anything up. Just to come home in time for dinner a couple of times a week.”
“That’s not enough.” Jeff realises. “Not if we have children. You’re right. I spend half my time in the office wishing I was at home with you, that’ll just get worse after we adopt.” Jeff sighs. “I’ll show you.” He pledges. “I’ll prove to you that I’ll be here every step of the way. That there’s nowhere else I want to be. I promise.”
“Ok.” Jensen nods and Jeff just hopes he believes him. “Let’s go get some dinner, you must be starving.”
*
“Jen!” Jared calls down the hall. He’s been giving Jensen a wide berth today, because he’s seemed in a strange mood, like he wants to be alone.
“Yeah?” Jensen calls from the living room. Jared heads in there.
“Great, you’re in here. Thought you might have gone to your studio.” Jared turns the TV on.
“I’m not in the mood to paint.” Jensen shrugs, setting his book down on the table. Jared notices he doesn’t seem to have gotten much further with it than when Jared last saw him over an hour ago. “What are you doing?” He asks when Jared starts flipping through the channels.
“Sterling just called. He said there’s something on that you’ll want to see. He was pretty insistent about it.” Jared replies. Jensen frowns a little, Chris sometimes calls to tell Jensen there’s a show about music on that he might like, and Tom will call if he sees anything relating to art Jensen might want to catch, but Sterling? He’s even more surprised when Jared changes the channel to CNN and the words JDM PRESS CONFERENCE flash across the bottom of the screen.
“Oh, God.” Jensen sits forward in his seat, hoping that Jeff isn’t having to announce redundancies. Not after Jensen had made him feel so guilty about working so much.
It looks like they’ve missed the first few moments of the conference, but not much. Jensen can see Weatherly indicating which journalist he wants to ask a question next. How the hell did Jeff get Weatherly down from New York so quickly?
“So you’re not stepping down as CEO?” The journalist asks. Jensen sits up even straighter.
“No.” Jeff replies firmly. “This is my company, I built it from the ground up. It’s part of me. I just feel that I’m happy with the board members, with the higher management. I think that now that we can assure all our employees that we won’t be making any of them redundant in the next twelve months, that I can step back and loosen my hold on the reigns a little.”
“Wow.” Jensen hears Jared say, but he’s so focused on the TV that he doesn’t respond.
“Exactly how much are you planning to step back?” Another journalist asks.
“Obviously I’ll be making myself available for board meetings and emergencies.” Jeff replies. “But as a rule I’ll be working three days a week. Around thirty hours.”
“Three days a week?” Jensen asks no one in particular.”
“Bearing in mind that 30 hours a week is practically a full time job for most people.” Gerard Butler, Jeff’s COO adds with a grin.
“I said I was loosening my hold a little.” Jeff grins back. “And I’m planning to go cold turkey. Like I said, I’ll be available for board meetings and emergencies, but other than that, I’m planning to take the next two months of.”
“Oh my god.” Jensen stares at the TV screen, feeling a little light-headed. Jeff’s never taken more than two weeks off work in the entire time he’s known him.
“Is there any particular reason why you’ve decided to do this now?” A female journalist asks after Weatherly nods at her.
“Like I said, we’re making it through this tough economic period better than most and I feel like I can trust my team to continue that without me always being there to look over their shoulders. Gerard is more than capable of running the operation without me. There are some personal reasons.” Jeff admits, slowly. “As you know, I got married recently and my husband…” Jeff pauses and Jensen holds his breath. “Jensen has put up with a lot from me, over the years, and I just can’t justify making him feel second to my work anymore. We’re considering starting a family and I can’t do that when I’m working more than 70 hours a week. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved.”
Jensen hears the door open behind him and he knows without looking that it’s Jeff.
“I guess you taped it earlier then?” Jensen turns to stare at him. “You didn’t have to do this, Jeff.”
“I did.” Jeff replies. Jensen stands and walks over to him. “I wanted to.”
“Jared?” Jensen says, still advancing on Jeff.
“Yeah?” Jared asks warily, pausing in heading for the door.
“Tell Singer to send everyone home for the weekend. We won’t need security.” Jensen tells him.
“Everyone?” Jared asks.
“Yep. We need the house to ourselves.” Jensen replies. Jared gets out of the room just as Jensen pushes Jeff up against the wall and kisses him fiercely. He can’t help but grin, life with these two is never dull.