I'm dry of thoughts; wait for the rain.
Quick update for those of you who don't know: I broke up with Morgan because I'm not over Ben. Staying single now, until I straighten out. This happened last Saturday. That's about it.
So here it is, the first lull in happiness in a week. It's to be expected. I view these moments as chances to consider myself. Lately, I can only be sad at the right times. I can only be unhappy when I'm ready to be. What's bothering me right now? Nothing, really. I miss Ben, I guess. Stupid huh? He's going somewhere awesome, but also terribly far away. I feel like I've gone far away, sometimes. Like I'm a different person, or I've turned off certain parts of me. I think it's probably a coping mechanism, because every so often I can feel the emptiness there. I know something is missing. What is it, and why?
What is it about us that makes us seek a pair? It has to be more than instinct; otherwise love would have nothing to do with it. Why is it that some people are perfectly fine on their own? I've noticed that a lot of people alright on their own have been this way for a while. Is it because they don't know what they're missing, or because they really are complete without someone else? What is it that makes me want to be with someone else? Is it a desire to share moments? I know right now it's because I'm hurting. That's why I need to avoid it at all costs. But man, what a shitty resolution. "I know I feel awful, but I should deal with it on my own." I guess it's not really on my own, since I have friends, but you know.
I'm one of those people that really likes to keep track of time. I like to know how long it will take for me to get somewhere, whether that is in a car or in my heart. I really have no idea where I am right now. Sometimes I like other people, and sometimes I know I'm not going to be with anyone new. Sometimes I want to disappear for a little while. Sometimes I'm a mess, and sometimes I have everything in its place. So unstable; I don't want that much change. It gets frustrating, though. How am I supposed to figure this out? Helping others is so much easier than helping myself.
That's about all I've got. I guess this was more of a ramble, not anything coherent. Had to get it out of me, and all. I feel better now.
So here it is, the first lull in happiness in a week. It's to be expected. I view these moments as chances to consider myself. Lately, I can only be sad at the right times. I can only be unhappy when I'm ready to be. What's bothering me right now? Nothing, really. I miss Ben, I guess. Stupid huh? He's going somewhere awesome, but also terribly far away. I feel like I've gone far away, sometimes. Like I'm a different person, or I've turned off certain parts of me. I think it's probably a coping mechanism, because every so often I can feel the emptiness there. I know something is missing. What is it, and why?
What is it about us that makes us seek a pair? It has to be more than instinct; otherwise love would have nothing to do with it. Why is it that some people are perfectly fine on their own? I've noticed that a lot of people alright on their own have been this way for a while. Is it because they don't know what they're missing, or because they really are complete without someone else? What is it that makes me want to be with someone else? Is it a desire to share moments? I know right now it's because I'm hurting. That's why I need to avoid it at all costs. But man, what a shitty resolution. "I know I feel awful, but I should deal with it on my own." I guess it's not really on my own, since I have friends, but you know.
I'm one of those people that really likes to keep track of time. I like to know how long it will take for me to get somewhere, whether that is in a car or in my heart. I really have no idea where I am right now. Sometimes I like other people, and sometimes I know I'm not going to be with anyone new. Sometimes I want to disappear for a little while. Sometimes I'm a mess, and sometimes I have everything in its place. So unstable; I don't want that much change. It gets frustrating, though. How am I supposed to figure this out? Helping others is so much easier than helping myself.
That's about all I've got. I guess this was more of a ramble, not anything coherent. Had to get it out of me, and all. I feel better now.