you have no fucking room to feel the way that you do.

[t0xicwastez0ne]

ok so i've been really indecisive lately... things are starting to get more and more serious between me and shane each day. but the more i want to be with him, the more i think about whats going to happen after high school. as of now, i seriously dont think we'll be together forever. i love him, but once i go to college i might meet someone

Comments

Re: think happy...

[t0xicwastez0ne]

ya all those things went thru my mind (ESPECIALLY the car thing lol...jk) and ya it makes sense. shane says that hes never going to leave me, but theres the slight chance that he will someday. i love him, but theres a lot of kinds of love. im just not sure if my love is the type that makes a person stay with someone forever...in reality i havent been with him for that long and so i cant be too sure. and the thing about college...im gunna meet new people and there MIGHT be someone for me. im happy with shane, but what if theres someone i could be happier with? if i stay with shane for that long, theres going to be so much im missing out on. i care about him soo much, more than anything, but the thought on loosing that freedom kinda makes me sad. i know i sound really selfish...but im really supposed to be experiencing things and all that fun stuff. and ya, shane also wants to do it, just as much as me. but he kinda jumps into things and is automatically sure about things..unlike me where i have to think everything through. ya its just a bad quality of mine but oh well. i dont know what im trying to say here..its just i met him so young and theres so much out there for me that i wont be able to enjoy if i stay with him. i guess i jus need some time to think and stuff..but i better think by the time summer is over cuz SOMEONE wants a new car lol. but thnx amber...i love how i can always count on you. <333 ~m0nika~

Re: think happy...

[xt0xicfangx]

*sigh* shit. i was sooooo close to losing it ya know? like...SO fucking close. and i am glad that i didnt. i mean...look who it was *shivers* i mean if i actually liked him like the way u and shane are then fuck yea i woulda dun it ina heart beat becuase it would have actually meant sumthing. but both him and i were in it jes fur the ride and for the phisical feeling of it. and ya know i dont regret any of that stuff i DID do. and i would do it all over again even with the knowledge of the concequences it ended up leading to. i mean hell it was fun and it didnt scar me emotionally. but if i had gone thru with the losing of the virginity, theres def a huge chance it would have effected me more. sure the whole situation sucked reeeally bad fur awhile after but things are ok now. and i mean who knows, maybe it could have turned out NOT being that big ofa deal, but then again mabye it was. its jes...it would have been purley for the fling of it with nothing real behind it. i had so much fun doing what i did. and like u said about the expiramenting, thats what it was fur me. and we werent bf and gf either...so it wasnt jes one person i could have fun with all in one night. it was lika dream hah no attatchment jes pleaure pleasure pleasure and we were all jes booty call homies heh. *sigh* things jes seem easier when stupid emotions didnt get in the way and yea having the trubble with emotions ive experienced in the past it was all great not having to worry. and sumtimes i wish i had jes to know what its like and such. but...then i look at u and shane and what u have and all the raw emotion that u share( the same with amber and ray)..and its saddening.it jes seems unfair that u guys actually have genuine feeling for the other person and it duznt seem like i can ever have that. detatched flings just seem easier. like i had said b4..u know nothing can go wrong with feelings if there are none. but i did have feelings for sumone b4 that i THOUGHT were real and suddenly one day they were gone. just like that, GONE. and i dont know what happened. i thought it was luv but i guess it wasnt. so why would i want to risk thinking its the real thing when it might not be. but its not hard to get jealous knowking that other ppl such as yourself are experiencing true passion and im just afraid to and think its not possible for me ne ways. but i do want it..sumday at least. i dunno, if i was u, i think i would do it. i mean you ARE young and all but as long as it means sumthing at the time u do it then it seems like its ok. and even if u do end up not being with him forever, ull know it was all worth it and it was all real and it was luv. AH i gtg. just think about if u really mean it or not.. i luv u Mochi <333 hugs x infinity