squeeze it out of my temples, my veins; this pain, this hate, this love(?)

[t0rn2shr3ds]

wow. i didnt even talk to alison today. adriana did though. she told me some interesting stuff. apparently, i told everyone we were going out. well i didnt even know we were. i mean we never went out did we? well i think i know who to blame (just because blaming someone else for our problems makes us feel better right?) rachel mclure, the little inquisitive imp, asked if alison and i were dating. i told her i asked alison out but had gotten no reply. i guess she saw us hugging? other than that, i never told anyone we were going out...
anyway, thats fun, alison said something to miranda about justin, and me turning out just like him. i never met the guy and i dont really know what he did to alison, i just know it tore her up emotionally. as for saying things i dont mean, it happens all the time. that four letter word has ruined my life on many occasions, including my relationship with my mom and stuff. its like im so desperate to love someone that i jump into a relationship too fast and drown. i dont know. well somewhere in my heart i do, but right now my heart hasnt given me any good advice (thanks alot heart) and so ill just try to shut up and fix things if possible. im not hoping for any spectacular miracle to occur, we all know gods not exactly on my side these days. but if i could say im sorry and really mean it, that might work. thats all i know to do now. sigh