sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh
Dont you just hate it when you say something you regret saying later? sometimes i do that and hurt people. and when people say "i take it all back" it doesnt really work that way. so i wont say that. and i wish i could have left alison alone. its not anything like i dont like her or im mad at her, because hse has done nothing wrong. but i just dont want to hurt her. i didnt know she was already hurt so bad. i thought i could make her feel better. and i knew it was a mistake to say that i loved her because she is right, i just dont know what im talking about. i dont know anything anymore. and i dont know whats wrong with me. people that feel like i feel often turn to drinking or drugs or religion or even their friends and family, but i dont have much of any of those. i dont have much of anything anymore. and all i want to do is love someone. and i dont know how. i dont want to MAKE someone love me. i just want it to happen i guess. but im tired of trying. and please, please dont feel bad if you read this. im not trying to make you feel like its your fault. you NEVER EVER did anything wrong to me... im probably going to quit making public journal entries soon anyway. i wish that i had stayed on fire the other day...