Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 9
Previously in Salazar's Return, Salazar returned. And this might be the last chance I get to use the OM NOM NOM icon.
The voice didn’t seem to come from any particular direction, but instead had the sensation that it was emanating from everywhere in the dungeon at once. Then, as everyone watched tensely, the thick steam that filled the room slowly drew together and began to take form; a human form, but not really human, more ghost-like.
“I asked, who dared to wake me?” bellowed the ghostly representation of Salazar Slytherin.
I feel sorry for Slytherin. He's spent a thousand years perfecting his portentous pronouncement, only for nobody to be paying attention when he finally gets a chance to use it.
“I did, Greatest of the Hogwarts Four,” Emma Wrong answered anxiously.
“And who are you, woman, to wake me, the supreme wizard of all time, from death?” Slytherin roared.
With all this roaring, they're probably wondering whether they've resurrected Godric Gryffindor by mistake.
“I am Emma Wrong, Minister of Magic,” she answered, her voice quaking, “and future monarch of the magical world. My loyal followers refer to me as the Great One.”
That's probably not the best way to introduce yourself to the all-powerful dark lord you've just resurrected.
“THE GREAT ONE!” Slytherin screamed. “You have the audacity to refer to yourself as such?”
Told you so. These aren't the smartest villains in the world. Though Slytherin is coming across rather more petulant than you'd expect from an almighty evil mastermind.
Slytherin glanced around the dungeon; first observing Wrong’s cowering followers and then the variety of torture apparatus. His eyes finally came to rest on Jamie and the young innocents chained to the wall.
“What year is it?” he questioned. “Has the world become so depraved that it is now common practice to torture naked, defenseless children?”
Wait, I thought HE!Slytherin was supposed to be this evil monster who makes Voldemort look like a fluffy bunny? Though if we'd actually been shown why everyone, even the members of his namesake house, is so terrified of Slytherin, then having him decide to spare the innocents would have had more impact.
“It is the year two thousand and five,” Emma responded. “These are not just any children, but rather the innocents whose blood was needed to make your return happen as prophesied.”
“Prophecy? Slytherin questioned. “What prophecy?”
Damien hurriedly produced a copy of the foretelling which he handed to The Great One.
It's lucky he happened to have a copy just in case Slytherin decided to double-check the small print.
Emma in turn held the document out toward Slytherin, not even sure if this ghostly being had the ability to grasp objects.
A chill filtered through Wrong’s body as Slytherin reached out and removed the rolled parchment from her hand.
What is he, then, if not a ghost? Potterverse ghosts don't interact with solid objects.
The room was silent as he scrutinized the document.
[prophecy is reiterated]
Slytherin seemed to read and reread the Prophecy several times before he again studied his surroundings, his eyes once more coming to rest on the innocents.
Yes, we actually are having the reborn Slytherin pausing to check over the terms of his contract.
“Which of you is my heir?” he queried.
His question was answered by silence.
“Which is my heir!?” he shouted irritably, staring at Emma Wrong.
"For Merlin's sake, is everyone deaf in the 21st century?"
“The toddler,” she responded, gesturing in Timmy’s direction.
“How dare you treat my heir in such a debasing way!?” Slytherin hollered. “Release the child from those confinements at once.”
I called it, didn't I?
“But he and the others must be killed by you in order for you to be returned to your body,” Emma protested.
When did our heroes get on first-name terms with the Great One, anyway?
“I gave an order,” Slytherin roared. “I expect my instructions to be carried out immediately. Release that child!”
“Perhaps you forgot who is in charge here,” Emma Wrong suggested. “I am the Great One. It is I who has awakened you from the dead. You will be following my orders and helping me to achieve the greatness I so richly deserve.”
You know, last chapter I actually thought she might not be the complete idiot her minions are. She at least recognised that in order to sacrifice people at the new moon, they've not got to starve to death in the meantime. By Hogwarts Exposed standards, that qualifies her as a genius. But now? The prophecy says "THE GREATEST DARK LORD", and much as I dislike the interpretation of Slytherin as a Dark Lord, it's clear within the assumptions of this fic that he's not going to be anyone's servant.
“You are a whimpering, weak, foolish bitch!” Slytherin roared. “I follow no one’s orders, but I will, with pleasure, give you what you richly deserve.”
Slytherin raised his right arm and pointed his hand at The Great One. Without even saying the words, a blast of green light blazed from his finger tips and illuminated the entire room. When the light diminished, Emma Wrong was lying on the cold stone floor of the dungeon. She was dead.
Which just goes to show, be careful what you wish for.
As Jamie, Emily and Caitlin observed the scene horror-struck, Wrong’s underlings fell to their knees.
Damien was the first to break the silence. “If it pleases you, Lord Slytherin, I will release your heir from his bindings.”
Damien, according to the author on Yahoo, tortured people who he felt were better than him. That's why he took no satisfaction in hurting the kids, and quickly lost interest in Jamie despite her resemblance to Hermione. As danel4d pointed out in the comments last time, this could have been quite interesting if we'd actually been shown any of it in the fic. As it is, he's just a schmuck who wants to be the Master from Paradigm of Uncertainty when he grows up.
Jamie watched as Damien approached Timmy, but then her eyes were drawn back to the body of Emma Wrong. Wrong was an evil woman; she was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent people and yet somehow it just didn’t seem right that anyone’s life should end so abruptly, so coldly with no forewarning. A few minutes ago she was the Minister of Magic, respected by the Wizarding World. In her alter ego she was The Great One, feared and loathed. Now with just the wave of a hand, she was nothing but a dead, soulless shell.
She was a dead, soulless shell when she was still alive. We haven't been shown anything about who she is, how and why she became the Minister and the Great One or anything. We've not even had a description. And now she's dead, we probably never will. I'm all for not treating death casually, but "she was a bad person but she was still a person" only works if we have an idea of who she actually was as a person. Hell, even Damien has been humanised ever so slightly since his reappearance, while remaining the evil sadistic bastard we remember from the first fic, even if most of this never actually appeared on the page.
“Begging your pardon, my Lord,” Hooch interrupted. “She,” Hooch indicated Wrong’s body, “told us that the innocents must all die by your hand for you to return to human form.”
“She was a fool,” Slytherin responded. “She could not even properly interpret a Prophecy.
WITH THEIR DEATH BY HIS HAND,
TO HIS BODY HE WILL BE RETURNED,
TO WALK THE EARTH A MORTAL MAN
“Why would I, the great Lord Slytherin, after being returned from a sleep of over a thousand years, want to walk the earth as a mere mortal man when the Prophecy gives me the occasion to be so much more? I can be immortal and invincible if joined with evil."
It's not even a particularly ambiguous prophecy.
“But you just killed her,” Damien said in a meek voice.
“She was not the personification of evil,” Slytherin said with the hint of a laugh. “She was but a warped and frustrated old hag.” He looked knowingly at Damien. “You, my servant, are the embodiment of pure evil. When you and I are joined, no one will be able to conquer us.”
Damien is revealed as the embodiment of pure evil the chapter after he was shown not in fact to be pure evil.
Damien stared uneasily at the ghostlike figure of Salazar Slytherin. What exactly did he mean by joined?
Considering what it usually means in Hogwarts Exposed (see Chapter 22 of Too Exposed, actually called "Joining")... well, a bloke shagging the millennium-old not-quite-ghost of a legendary dark lord wouldn't even make the top hundred most WTF things in Hogwarts Exposed.
Were they to be some sort of partners in crime, or did he intend to live as a parasite off his body as Voldemort had done with Professor Quirrell?
Does Damien only know of Quirrell by reputation, or was he an associate of his or one of his students? This might have been interesting.
“Excuse me, your ghostliness,” Emily said. “You said my brother and Timmy would be set free. What about my sisters and I?”
Salazar did not answer, nor did he seem angry at being referred to as his ghostliness. Instead he walked, more floated, over to Emily and placed his hand on her forehead. Emily experienced a pain similar to the brain freeze one gets when eating ice cream too fast.
“You are the Seer,” he said in what gave the impression of being a sad tone. “You’re also in Slytherin house.”
It'd probably have made more sense for him to say "my house", but whatever.
Emily nodded her head.
Then he approached Caitlin and likewise placed his ghostlike hand on her head. “The Healer,” he said. “Not just a healer, but an extremely powerful one, and with telepathic powers no less.” He placed his hand on his chin and shook his head sadly before moving on to Jamie.
When he reached her, he paused slightly to glance at Timmy and Ben, and then found himself staring thoughtfully at Jamie. “Forgive me,” he said placing his hand on her forehead. “It has been an extremely long time since I have seen a nude female and you are an extraordinarily beautiful young woman.”
Even Salazar Slytherin is a pervert in this fic.
“You’re the Spirit Bright,” he said disappointedly, removing his hand from Jamie’s head and walking away from the girls.
So Emily has inherited being a Seer from her father, despite his inability to foresee his own entirely avoidable death, and Emily Caitlin is a healer because of her hyperempathy. But what's the qualification for being the Spirit Bright?
“You are all strong, brilliant, talented witches,” Slytherin declared. “I would prefer to allow you to continue to live and serve me, but unfortunately you are all mentioned as members of the conspiracy that could ultimately cause my defeat.
WITH HEALTH AND SIGHT AND SPIRIT BRIGHT
“Therefore, I regret that you must die, but your deaths will not come at my hands,” he said looking at Madame Hooch.
Why is she suddenly French?
“Will you please clean up here?”
Hooch’s eyes lit up as if Christmas had come early. “It will be my pleasure, Great Master.”
Slytherin has the measure of Hooch already.
“Now it is time we were joined,” Slytherin’s sprit said as he considered an extremely tense Damien. “I would much prefer my own body, but it is critical that the Prophecy be followed unerringly.”
“Come and stand by me,” he ordered the trembling Damien. “It will be quick and will not hurt. Your spirit and memories will not be destroyed, but rather will be overwhelmed by mine. Through you, I will learn of this new world I have been plunged into. Together your body and my mind will eventually rule this world.”
Damien moved to within touching distance of Slytherin and then waited fearfully for further directions.
“Exhale completely,” Slytherin instructed. “Make every effort to remove all the air from your lungs. Once your lungs are empty, breathe in deeply, through your mouth, trying to admit as much fresh air as possible.”
Crabbe and Goyle watched with foreboding; neither of the bulky followers had the mettle to move or speak.
They haven't moved nor spoken in the entire chapter so far.
Damien exhaled totally as he had been instructed. It was when he inhaled that it came to pass. The vapor like form of Salazar Slytherin first tapered and then was sucked into Damien’s body as if it were a beverage being drunk through a straw.
From one of the cans of Generic Beverage™ the girls took on their naked hike.
The final effect was, to a certain extent, the opposite of the Dementor’s kiss. Instead of Damien’s soul being sucked from his body, Slytherin’s spirit was added. What was Damien continued to exist, but was overwhelmed by the spirit of Salazar Slytherin.
For a short time, there was complete silence, as if Slytherin’s spirit was settling in and becoming adjusted to his new accommodations. Then he spoke, but in his own deep penetrating voice, which was nothing like that of the nerdish Damien. “This body is greatly inferior to my own,” Slytherin muttered disgustedly, “but the mind is beautiful, full of such evil thoughts. The Prophecy was correct. Our union will be unbreakable and our power unmatched.”
Okay, who actually thinks of themselves as evil?
Something, however, seemed to be confusing Slytherin as he absorbed all of Damien’s thoughts and memories. “What is a Hermione?” he finally asked to anyone in general. “This mind seems obsessed with the subject.”
“She was once a captive here,” Hooch explained. “I believe Damien became rather infatuated with her.”
Come to think of it, for what purpose did they actually kidnap Hermione? He was all "join us", but I doubt that's their regular recruitment strategy, and the only other person they ever kidnapped was the unnamed Auror who was so offhandedly castrated.
“Apparently so,” Slytherin said. “I must meet this woman some day, but for now there are more important things to do. Until I establish a loyal following, it is best my return remain a secret. You two,” he indicated Crabbe and Goyle “shall accompany me to my secret chamber. I want you to tell me all you know about the individuals that supported this ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’ person. These Death Eaters sound like people who would show me allegiance.”
Don't the Death Eaters already work for the Great One? They were definitely mentioned during Hermione's captivity, but then Damien also said that the Great One was a he. Maybe he hadn't met her without a mask on yet, since he didn't seem to know who she was even when he was talking to her in a later scene, or maybe the author retconned it. I'm guessing the latter since he admitted that he hadn't originally intended Wrong to be the Great One.
“That is a Portkey. It will bring you, but only you, to my side when you have finished here. Be quick about disposing of the young witches, I sense that a rescue effort is nearing.”
“What about the boys?” Hooch asked.
“Do not hurt them. They can cause me no harm,” he declared. “Leave them for their parents to find, they will be here soon.” With a wave of his arm, Slytherin along with Crabbe and Goyle disappeared.
Slytherin already knows not only that rescuers are inbound, but who they are. Despite not knowing who anyone is earlier on in the same scene, which is what you'd expect from someone who's been dead a thousand years.
Caitlin and Emily watched nervously as Hooch hustled about the dungeon making preparations. Neither of the girls had ever seen the witch look so happy, yet so frightening at the same time.
Speaking of characters I don't get, Hooch. What is her deal, anyway? Besides nipple-eating?
“We can’t give up hope,” Caitlin said encouragingly. But the words were barely out of her mouth when Hooch approached her.
“The Great Lord Slytherin told me to be swift, but it is difficult to hurriedly extricate revenge that I have waited so long to realize. My only regret is that I won’t be present to actually witness the demise of two of you.
“My lovely Caitlin,” Hooch said nastily. “I imagine you expect me to torture you unmercifully. Admittedly, it would give me great pleasure to turn you into a human shish kebab, but it will give me even more pleasure to know that you have died at the hands of your rescuers.”
They have curry in the wizarding world, so it stands to reason they'll also have kebabs. The Hogsmeade takeaway does good ones.
“Do you see that crossbow?” Hooch asked sadistically. “It is aimed directly for your heart and the arrow it holds has been soaked in a deadly poison. Can you imagine Hermione’s grief when the opening of the dungeon door sets it off? I can only hope that she will be the one to actually open the door.”
“But that is only the beginning,” Hooch cackled.
We're supposed to take her seriously as an antagonist, but not only does she monologue her evil plans, she cackles. She's less a villain than a parody of a villain. All she needs is a twirly moustache.
“In your hand you will be holding the rope that will suspend Jamie Zacherley above the Pyramid of Death. When the arrow pierces your heart, your hand will go limp and Miss Zacherley will become four nicely separated pieces.”
And I've already explained my doubts about the Pyramid of Death, both as a plot device and an actual device.
“I was hoping you didn’t intend to leave me out of all the fun,” Emily said bravely. Her words sounded plucky, but Emily was scared to death.
Whose POV is this?
“Leave her alone,” Jamie pleaded, lying Timmy on the cold floor next to Ben. “She hasn’t done anything to harm you. If you must torture someone, torture me.”
“You don’t understand at all, do you?” Hooch cried. “You’re just like Granger. Torturing you wouldn’t have the desired affects. It hurts you more to have someone you love harmed than it does to be tortured yourself. Watch, you’ll soon understand what I mean.”
Emily closed her eyes as Hooch approached. She had never been so frightened or felt so helpless in her entire life.
Not since last time.
“Harry, stop! The connection was strongest as we flew over that manor; it seems to be fading slightly now,” Hermione advised.
“Are you sure?” Harry asked in disbelief. “They can’t be there. That manor belongs to Emma Wrong, the Minister of Magic.”
How does he recognise Wrong's manor from the air? It's not like he's ever been there. He was in exile in the Muggle world before the start of the first fic, and I'd have remembered if he'd just dropped in for tea and biscuits with the Minister.
“All I know is that I felt the strongest link as we flew over that manor,” Hermione said emphatically. “The children are down there.”
“Wands at the ready,” Harry shouted, as he turned and headed for a landing.
“Potter, are you bloody crazy?” Draco called out. “Do you know who owns that manor?”
“I don’t give a damn who owns it; that’s where they’re being held prisoner.”
So first Harry thinks they've got the wrong place (sorry) but now he's okay with charging in there but Draco isn't. Makes sense?
“Stop, don’t you touch her!” Jamie screamed.
But when Hooch turned to sneer at Jamie, instead of a naked girl, she found herself facing a beautiful pure white unicorn. Caitlin had witnessed the almost instant transformation. Jamie was not only now in her Animagus form, but she was also free, the aged leather on her ankle bindings having burst due to pressure of the transformation.
Hooch dropped the breast ripper and reached for her wand as the unicorn, Jamie, lowered its head to charge.
“Avada Keda…” Hooch screamed. But before she could complete the curse, the unicorn’s horn had entered her chest and was protruding out of her back.
Oh yes. I've mentioned it before, but here it is, in all its glory. If a little disappointingly short. Do death scenes get much more Freudian than being impaled on a unicorn horn?
“Please don’t blast off the door,” Severus begged. “Remember who lives here.”
“It better ruddy well be unlocked then!” Ron hollered, “I’ve no intention of knocking and waiting for the bloody house elf to answer.”
Fortunately the door was unlocked and Ron held it open, allowing Harry and Hermione to rush inside first, but as soon as Hermione crossed the threshold, she staggered.
“Are you all right?” Harry asked concernedly.
As opposed to all those other ways of asking if someone is all right.
“Nothing has gone amiss has it?”
“No, but this is definitely the place,” Hermione panted, trying to catch her composure. “I’ve been here before. This is where I spent my missing week. It’s all coming back. Follow me! I know the way to the dungeon.”
Very handy that the memory wards decide to return her lost memory now. Where were they keeping it?
Hermione ran down the hall. The last time she had done so, she was naked and running the opposite direction in order to save her life.
This time, she only wishes she was naked.
“Down those steps and at the end of the corridor,” she shouted to Ron and Draco, who had overtaken her and Harry.
Ron practically flew down the stairs with Draco right behind them. They were almost at the solid dungeon door before Harry and Hermione reached the bottom of the stairs.
Ron reached out to open the door. “No! Don’t open it!” Hermione screamed, feeling as if a part of her were about to die, as Ron’s hand touched the knob
He really does have a one-track mind in this fic.
“Thank God,” Hermione sighed as she reached the door. “If we open that door, Caitlin is dead. I have to Apparate in.”
“You mean we,” Harry said firmly.
“You don’t know the layout of the dungeon, I do,” she said even more firmly. “I have to go alone. I’ll be okay. Trust me.”
Hermione didn’t wait for an answer; instead, with a soft pop, she was gone.
Had Hooch or any other dark followers been alive in the dungeon, Harry would now be planning a funeral for his beloved wife.
Because Hermione can't handle herself in a fight.
Hermione’s only concern upon Apparating was finding the crossbow and transfiguring its deadly arrow to something harmless.
Which apparently she can't do and defend herself against hypothetical dark followers at the same time. Anyway, there's no dramatic reunion between Harry, Hermione and the lost kids, only a scene cut.
“Do you know what we haven’t done since the children disappeared?” Harry asked as he snuggled close to Hermione later that evening.
There's ten unwatched episodes of EastEnders on the magical DVR.
“Harry, do you love me?” Hermione asked concernedly.
“I’ve often been told that there is no such thing as a dumb question. That’s a lot of rubbish because you just asked the dumbest question in the world,” Harry answered. “I couldn’t love you more if I tried. You’re my world, my everything.”
“No matter what I’ve done in the past?” Hermione asked, feeling extremely guilty.
“Hermione, why are you trembling?” Harry asked, holding her tightly in his arms.
“Harry, when I was being held in that dungeon.” She hesitated. “I did something awful, but I had no choice.” Tears started to moisten her eyes. “I’d been kept chained in that infernal contraption they call a cage. I had to get out if I wanted to have any chance of escaping,
No shit, really?
but the only way Damien would let me out was if I agreed to have sex with him.”
“Mione, it doesn’t matter.” Harry said, and then hesitated.
He realised that she doesn't like to be called Mione.
“During my confinement, I never got to see The Great One.
Nor did Damien. Nor even did the author.
Damien was my jailer and those two pigs, Crabbe and Goyle, assisted him.
And we get a long flashback from the first fic. I don't know why she didn't lose her memory again when she left the manor like she did the first time, but whatever. Anyway, the romantic discussion of her ordeal in the dungeon leads to the romantic discussion of her biting his dick off, which leads into her sucking him off because Hogwarts Exposed. Thankfully, this time Caitlin and Emily aren't doing likewise.
“It’s good just to be alive,” Emily sighed. “I thought we were all as good as dead.”
“Didn’t I tell you never to give up?” Caitlin queried. “We have something that will always give us an advantage over the supporters of evil. We have love.”
“Yeah we do,” Emily said, feeling extremely fortunate to have been adopted by the Potters after tragically losing her own parents. She cuddled closer to her sister. “Speaking of love, where is Jamie? Is she off doing the dirty deed with Alex?”
“She’s with Alex, but I doubt she’s in a shagging mood,” Caitlin said. “I think right now she just wants to be held. Did you get a good look at her after she transfigured back to herself?”
None of us did, because the author never bothered to write a scene.
“Yeah! She looked awful. As evil as Hooch was and as much as the bitch deserved to die, I wish someone else could have done the actually killing. Jamie is just too much like her Animagus form, good and pure. I think she’s having an extremely hard time dealing with the reality that she killed someone.”
“That’s why I can never picture Jamie as an Auror,” Caitlin said. “She has all the other abilities to be great, but she lacks hatred. I know being an Auror doesn’t always involve killing, but there are times when there are no other alternatives. Today she almost waited too long before acting.”
Instead of getting Jamie's own perspective on this conflict, we're getting it related secondhand by a pair of expospeaking kids. Much like Wrong, if we're going to go down the "she was still a person" road, it'd help if we knew anything about her as a person beyond "was a Hogwarts broomstick teacher, then something something something and ate Hermione's left nipple". Speaking of which, they move on to talking about Emily's breasts, specifically about how Madam Pomfrey shrunk them back to normal. (So much for that plot point.)
“No not really a problem.” Emily hemmed and hawed. “Do you remember the story Mum told us about being hit by a curse that made her teeth really large?”
“What do Mum’s teeth have to do with your breasts?” Caitlin asked, becoming annoyed with Emily’s evasiveness.
Well, Hooch's teeth have to do with Hermione's breasts. Does that count?
“Well, Mum let Madam Pomfrey go a little further than necessary in order to make her teeth smaller and more attractive than they actually were to begin with. I did sort of the opposite. I stopped Madam Pomfrey a little before my breasts were quite back to normal.”
Of course she did.
“Now you’re afraid you’ll be in trouble if you let anyone see them?”
Emily nodded her head.
“You haven’t worn a stitch of clothing around Mum and Dad since you and Jamie became a part of the family. Just how long do you think it will take them to become suspicious if suddenly you start wearing tops, especially if you still let everything else hang out?
“I just don’t want them to think poorly of me or yell,” Emily said.
Couldn't she just have passed it off as natural growth, considering her age? They still go to tell Harry and Hermione, though. Considering what they were doing in the previous scene, I can see what's coming a mile off. Uh, so to speak. And sure enough:
“I can’t believe we did that,” Caitlin said, as Emily and she hurried back into bed.
“Me either,” Emily moaned. “They’re going to kill us.”
“I doubt it,” Caitlin sighed. “They’re probably both dying of embarrassment right now. That’s the second time I’ve done that to Mum. The big difference is that the other time I didn’t actually see anything.”
Back in Exposed Chapter 13. She didn't see Harry, but she did see Hermione.
“I suppose now wouldn’t be a good time to ask questions about sex?” Emily tentatively inquired.
“It’s a fine time,” Hermione answered with a snort. “I was embarrassed, Harry was embarrassed, but we aren’t angry. We’re so pleased to have you girls back that I don’t think you could possibly make either of us angry today. What is the question?”
“That stuff that came out of Dad’s penis. Is that what makes a person pregnant?” Emily asked.
She's twelve and talks about sex all the time, and doesn't know what sperm is. I don't care that Hogwarts doesn't (yet) have sex education: this is something she should have learned at primary school.
“Yes, it contains the sperm that can make you pregnant,” Hermione confirmed.
“What if you got it in your mouth and swallowed it?” Caitlin asked. “Would that make you pregnant?”
“No,” Hermione said with a chuckle. “It must enter the vagina in order for you to get pregnant.”
And so's that. We're talking about the most basic of basics here. Even if it wasn't on the primary curriculum (it is) they're supposed to be highly intelligent and very curious about sex, so they shouldn't still think that you can become pregnant from giving a blow job. There's inconsistency, and then there's just complete nonsense.
“Why are you laughing?” Emily scolded.
“I’m not laughing at you guys,” Hermione apologized. “I’m picturing Ron trying to answer similar question in class. His face will be redder than his hair.”
“I like Professor Weasley,” Caitlin said, “but he does get flustered easily.”
I have to wonder why he of all the staff was chosen.
Sunday, September 4, 2005
“Harry, it's so good to look out over the Great Hall and see the girls smiling back,” Hermione said contentedly, as she ate breakfast while holding a napping Ben.
Harry smiled. “Have you put Ben down once since yesterday?”
“Only to pee and take a shower. I’m so glad it’s Sunday and I don’t have to leave him in order to teach class.”
“You could always take him with you tomorrow while you teach. He’s usually content and well behaved.”
Or just stay in their quarters. They seem to do so little actual teaching that I doubt anyone would notice.
“Oh yes! And when he gets hungry, I’ll just whip out my boob in front of the students and feed him,” Hermione said. “That would go over great with the parents and Board of Directors.”
Hogwarts doesn't have a board of directors, not being a company and all: it has governors, who we've actually met in Too Exposed so there's even less excuse here than normal
“I know you can’t do it, but that‘s really sad,” Harry said dismally. “What is more pure and natural than a mother feeding her child?”
It's not a question of what's pure and natural, it's a question of trying to look after a baby while trying to teach twenty kids one of the most difficult and dangerous magical disciplines.
“You, Mister Potter, have been living with naturists too long; you’re starting to sound like one.”
“Not to change the subject, but did you get to talk to Jamie at all this morning?” Harry asked.
"Not to change the subject, but let's talk about something different!"
“No, she spent the entire night with Alex in the Room of Requirement,” Hermione replied.
Harry gave a devilish grin. “Well, in that case, I imagine everything is all right.”
Yeah, fine, just let them shag away on school premises. What could possibly go wrong?
“No, it’s not,” Hermione said, giving Harry an angry look. “Alex contacted me this morning while you were in Severus’ office. Jamie cried all night. He just held her in his arms and tried to comfort her. She’s having a difficult time dealing with what she did.”
“She had no choice! Hooch would have mutilated and killed Emily!” Harry said.
“She knows that. She also knows that she had no option but to kill her. That doesn’t make it any easier for her to accept. It’s going to take time, love and patience for her to get over this.”
“Perhaps she should reconsider training for a career as an Auror,” Harry suggested.
This is pretty much the exact same conversation Caitlin and Emily had.
As Hermione and Harry talked, the owls arrived with the daily mail.
Rita Skeeter has a new job.
As Hermione slipped a coin in the owl’s bag, Harry grabbed the newspaper and began to read the headline.
SELF-PROFESSED GREAT ONE KILLED.
HEROIC MINISTER OF MAGIC OF MAGIC DIES
DURING RESCUE OF INNOCENT CHILDREN
Not just the Minister of Magic (sic) but the Minister of Magic of Magic!
The magical world may never know the full account of what transpired last evening, but we can once again rest at ease knowing that a dark force bent on world domination has been defeated. Sadly this defeat came at the needless loss of our beloved Minister of Magic, Emma Wrong.
This is another place where not knowing anything at all about Wrong goes... okay, I won't say it. If we'd actually had some idea of how the wizarding world really thought of her to compare and contrast with this, it'd have worked better.
What we do know is that on Friday, August 19, 2005 a kidnapping apparently took place at the residence of Ronald and Samantha Weasley, Hogsmeade. Reported as missing were: Timothy Weasley, age four; Benjamin Potter, age two months; Emily Zacherley-Potter, age 12; Caitlin Potter, age 13 and Jamie Zacherley, age 17.
All Ministry attempts to quickly locate these children were stalled by the lack of cooperation from their parents. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley, having evidently allowed their previous success against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named go to their heads; decided that professional assistance was not needed. The experienced staff of Aurors at the Ministry of Magic was informed that their help was not necessary or even desired.
And apparently the authorities just stop looking for missing children when their parents say so. Wouldn't that just make them suspect the parents had a hand in it themselves?
Had the Aurors been fully involved from the onset, this matter would most likely have been solved in days and undoubtedly without the lamentable loss of Minister Wrong’s life.
When the rag tag team of self-proclaimed detectives finally located the missing children last evening, they discovered that our brave Minister had arrived on the scene before them. Aurors conducting an investigation feel that Minister Wrong died while dueling the Great One in order to save the children from certain death. The Great One has been identified as Madam Hooch, a former teacher at Hogwarts who served a brief sentence in Azkaban for a minor offense.
The Vice Minister, who has assumed the position of Minister of Magic until such time as a special election is held, asks that the magical community not take out its anger over the death of our beloved Minister on Weasley, Granger or Potter. “We all make tragic mistakes at times during our lives,” Minister Percy Weasley said. “We must forgive their blunder, but at the same time resolve that we, as good citizens of the magical world, will not allow ourselves to be misdirected by imprudent people such as these.”
I can tell this was written right after Order of the Phoenix. At least this author doesn't feed Percy to Fluffy.
“Who is it dear?” Harry heard Percy ask his wife after she informed him there was a head in the fireplace. “Oh! Him! Well I guess I may just as well get this over with now.”
Percy's wife apparently doesn't have a name.
“Yes. Any articles that could possibly incite a panic must be reviewed by the Minister’s office before publication. I was unquestionably glad I had the opportunity to correct that article. The fool reporter that wrote it actually mixed up Madam Hooch and Emma Wrong. Can you believe, she in point of fact wrote that the Minister Wrong was The Great One?”
“I can believe it,” Harry answered angrily, “because she was.”
“Harry, Harry, Harry. Where could you possibly get such a preposterous idea?”
“From the people she was holding prisoner,” Harry retorted.
“Children! You want to drag a deceased woman’s good name through the mud based on the wild hallucinations of little children?” Percy asked.
“My daughters were not hallucinating,” Harry affirmed. “Jamie isn’t a child. She gave the same account.”
“I’ve been informed that Miss Zacherley was extremely delusional and distraught,” Percy added. “The first Aurors on the scene state that she was wondering around totally nude, covered with blood and mumbling something about committing murder. How can you possibly consider her a steadfast witness?”
All in all, the aftermath in the dungeon was a pretty vital scene for the author to have simply skipped.
“How do you explain the blood on her?” Harry snapped back. “Jamie is a unicorn Animagus. She gorged Hooch on her horn to prevent the bitch from torturing and mutilating Emily.”
“And after that, did the pink elephants do a dance?” Percy asked sarcastically.
Percy really needs to choose his battles: that she's a unicorn Animagus is a matter of public record, since (having become an Animagus under the official auspices of Hogwarts, rather than by way of "extra homework" like the Marauders) it stands to reason she'll be registered.
ETA: Okay, so I've just started reading Time of Good Intentions, the second Psychic Serpent fic, and apparently you don't have to register as an Animagus until after you leave Hogwarts. This has its own problems, but at least explains why Percy thinks he's got plausible deniability on the unicorn thing. It'd have been nice if this author had made it clearer that this was what was going on there.
Harry’s face turned red with anger.
He's in the fireplace. How can anyone tell?
“I don’t care if you are the Minister of Magic, Percy. You’re still an arse. You always have been and you always will be. Bring your fucking, good for nothing arse here to Hogwarts and Jamie will demonstrate her abilities for you.”
“I don’t care if Zacherley can turn into all seven dwarfs simultaneously,” Percy said arrogantly.
Percy apparently being conversant in Muggle fairy tales.
“You and your brood are not going to besmirch Emma Wrong’s good name. She was the only one that stood by me after the Fudge debacle. It’s because of her that I’m where I am today.”
“Now the truth comes out,” Harry bellowed. “You don’t care two Knuts about Wrong’s good name. Percy Weasley is all you’re concerned about. If the truth comes out about her being The Great One, her assistant won’t last a week as Minister of Magic.”
Percy's advisors, when they find out he let that slip:
“She was not the Great One,” Percy screamed.
“Then explain the dungeon and why the children were being held prisoner in her manor.”
Percy sighed. “It’s possible that Hooch might have had her under the Imperius Curse the last few weeks. We have no way of being sure.”
I like how he's gone from "Wrong can do no wrong" to "well, she might have been under the Imperius" in the space of a few seconds.
“I’m ashamed to admit he’s my brother,” Ron exclaimed from behind him.
Harry turned around startled. “How long have you been there?”
“Since the part where he did the Gilderoy Lockhart imitation: Harry, Harry, Harry. I was looking for you in the Great Hall and Hermione told me to let myself in. Percy wants that job so badly that he’s willing to see our world destroyed by Slytherin in order to keep it.”
“And he’s turned most of that world against us just like Fudge did at the end of our forth year.” Harry added.
Yeah, mentioning that you're recycling plots from the books doesn't make it any better. I'm not surprised that he ran out of ideas before the end of Underexposed, really.
“Then he’s left us only one option, Harry. You must call a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix.”
The Order of the Phoenix had already been mentioned in Hogwarts Exposed before the actual book came out, but the author was vague enough as to what it was that bringing in the actual Order of the Phoenix doesn't contradict anything. Anyway, there's a welcome back feast in the Great Hall and Snape basically rips off Dumbledore at the end of Goblet of Fire.
Once everyone was again seated, Snape continued. “I’m sure many of you have read the account of what took place, printed in the Daily Prophet. Most of that article was a cock-and-bull story. It was laden with lies, misdirection and missing vital information. Sadly, the Ministry of Magic does not want you to know the truth. Possibly some of your parents will be angered by what I am about to tell you.”
“I was there. I believe, as did my predecessor, that the truth is generally preferable to lies. The only truth in the Prophet piece of writing was that these three girls along with Benjamin Potter and Timothy Weasley were kidnapped. The help of Ministry Aurors was never refused; I myself contacted the Ministry and gave them every detail of the situation.
“What is truly disturbing is that the Ministry has chosen to alter facts and hide information from our world for political reasons. Minister Wrong did not die trying to save the kidnap victims. In reality it was at her instructions that the abductions took place. Minister Wrong was in fact, The Great One; the authorities were told this by four witnesses, yet the Ministry is trying to save face and claim that Madam Hooch was the mastermind behind all this terrorism.”
Snape looked from table to table before continuing. “But what is worse is that the Ministry has decided to stick its head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend that a most serious threat to our world does not exist. The innocents were kidnapped by Emma Wrong in order to fulfill a prophecy and restore Salazar Slytherin to life. She was successful; it was Salazar Slytherin, himself, who killed her.”
Students looked at their friends. Every face in the Hall appeared stunned and frightened.
“I fear we are all facing dark and difficult times, perhaps even worse than when Lord Voldemort was at his height of power,” Snape proclaimed.
And still we don't know why Slytherin is meant to be so much worse than Voldemort. Or, for that matter, the Great One. For what little the Great One actually did.
Without further word, he clapped his hands. In an instant, the hangings for Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw joined those of Gryffindor and Slytherin.
“It is at times like these that we must forget our petty House differences and unite against a mutual enemy. As Albus Dumbledore once said, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”
“It is because of our need to unite and work together, that I have decided to forge ahead with our plans to compete against our American cousins.” Snape paused to take a drink of pumpkin juice. “Teams from America competed against each other this summer to determine which school would represent the States against us. The winning team from The Salem Witches’ Institute will be arriving on Halloween. That evening, we will select our team”
The idea of the Salem Witches' Institute, whose only appearance in the books was a banner at the Quidditch World Cup in Goblet of Fire, being a school is one of those things that's been seized on in fanon with no actual support. Probably to give American exchange student OCs somewhere to come from. As its representatives consisted of a group of middle-aged women, I always thought it was more likely to be a wizarding equivalent of the Women's Institute.
Randy leaned over and whispered to Matt. “The tournament is as good as won. Hogwarts can easily beat a team composed of only girls.”
“Is that so,” Caitlin flared, defensively. “Are you saying girls aren’t as good in competition as boys?”
“Nothing personal,” Randy said apologetically.
Because Hogwarts Exposed would never be sexist.
“Besides,” Caitlin added. “SWI has been co-ed since the nineteen fifties. They just keep the name for traditional reasons.”
How does Caitlin know so much about American wizarding schools?
“This competition will be very different from the Tri-Wizard Tournament held here over ten years ago,” Snape said. “Firstly, it is a team, rather than an individual event. Secondly, the contests will involve mental and physical challenges as well as the use of magical abilities. In some events, the use of magic will actually be strictly forbidden.
“The Goblet of Fire will be picking the Hogwarts contenders, but will be following prearranged rules. The team will be composed of six individuals, three boys and three girls. Each house will have at least one representative on the team and for obvious reasons, first years will not be allowed to participate.”
It's an international competition between students of wizarding schools, in which the competitors are chosen by the Goblet of Fire and there's an age limit, but other than that it's nothing at all like the Triwizard Tournament.
The voice didn’t seem to come from any particular direction, but instead had the sensation that it was emanating from everywhere in the dungeon at once. Then, as everyone watched tensely, the thick steam that filled the room slowly drew together and began to take form; a human form, but not really human, more ghost-like.
“I asked, who dared to wake me?” bellowed the ghostly representation of Salazar Slytherin.
I feel sorry for Slytherin. He's spent a thousand years perfecting his portentous pronouncement, only for nobody to be paying attention when he finally gets a chance to use it.
“I did, Greatest of the Hogwarts Four,” Emma Wrong answered anxiously.
“And who are you, woman, to wake me, the supreme wizard of all time, from death?” Slytherin roared.
With all this roaring, they're probably wondering whether they've resurrected Godric Gryffindor by mistake.
“I am Emma Wrong, Minister of Magic,” she answered, her voice quaking, “and future monarch of the magical world. My loyal followers refer to me as the Great One.”
That's probably not the best way to introduce yourself to the all-powerful dark lord you've just resurrected.
“THE GREAT ONE!” Slytherin screamed. “You have the audacity to refer to yourself as such?”
Told you so. These aren't the smartest villains in the world. Though Slytherin is coming across rather more petulant than you'd expect from an almighty evil mastermind.
Slytherin glanced around the dungeon; first observing Wrong’s cowering followers and then the variety of torture apparatus. His eyes finally came to rest on Jamie and the young innocents chained to the wall.
“What year is it?” he questioned. “Has the world become so depraved that it is now common practice to torture naked, defenseless children?”
Wait, I thought HE!Slytherin was supposed to be this evil monster who makes Voldemort look like a fluffy bunny? Though if we'd actually been shown why everyone, even the members of his namesake house, is so terrified of Slytherin, then having him decide to spare the innocents would have had more impact.
“It is the year two thousand and five,” Emma responded. “These are not just any children, but rather the innocents whose blood was needed to make your return happen as prophesied.”
“Prophecy? Slytherin questioned. “What prophecy?”
Damien hurriedly produced a copy of the foretelling which he handed to The Great One.
It's lucky he happened to have a copy just in case Slytherin decided to double-check the small print.
Emma in turn held the document out toward Slytherin, not even sure if this ghostly being had the ability to grasp objects.
A chill filtered through Wrong’s body as Slytherin reached out and removed the rolled parchment from her hand.
What is he, then, if not a ghost? Potterverse ghosts don't interact with solid objects.
The room was silent as he scrutinized the document.
[prophecy is reiterated]
Slytherin seemed to read and reread the Prophecy several times before he again studied his surroundings, his eyes once more coming to rest on the innocents.
Yes, we actually are having the reborn Slytherin pausing to check over the terms of his contract.
“Which of you is my heir?” he queried.
His question was answered by silence.
“Which is my heir!?” he shouted irritably, staring at Emma Wrong.
"For Merlin's sake, is everyone deaf in the 21st century?"
“The toddler,” she responded, gesturing in Timmy’s direction.
“How dare you treat my heir in such a debasing way!?” Slytherin hollered. “Release the child from those confinements at once.”
I called it, didn't I?
“But he and the others must be killed by you in order for you to be returned to your body,” Emma protested.
When did our heroes get on first-name terms with the Great One, anyway?
“I gave an order,” Slytherin roared. “I expect my instructions to be carried out immediately. Release that child!”
“Perhaps you forgot who is in charge here,” Emma Wrong suggested. “I am the Great One. It is I who has awakened you from the dead. You will be following my orders and helping me to achieve the greatness I so richly deserve.”
You know, last chapter I actually thought she might not be the complete idiot her minions are. She at least recognised that in order to sacrifice people at the new moon, they've not got to starve to death in the meantime. By Hogwarts Exposed standards, that qualifies her as a genius. But now? The prophecy says "THE GREATEST DARK LORD", and much as I dislike the interpretation of Slytherin as a Dark Lord, it's clear within the assumptions of this fic that he's not going to be anyone's servant.
“You are a whimpering, weak, foolish bitch!” Slytherin roared. “I follow no one’s orders, but I will, with pleasure, give you what you richly deserve.”
Slytherin raised his right arm and pointed his hand at The Great One. Without even saying the words, a blast of green light blazed from his finger tips and illuminated the entire room. When the light diminished, Emma Wrong was lying on the cold stone floor of the dungeon. She was dead.
Which just goes to show, be careful what you wish for.
As Jamie, Emily and Caitlin observed the scene horror-struck, Wrong’s underlings fell to their knees.
Damien was the first to break the silence. “If it pleases you, Lord Slytherin, I will release your heir from his bindings.”
Damien, according to the author on Yahoo, tortured people who he felt were better than him. That's why he took no satisfaction in hurting the kids, and quickly lost interest in Jamie despite her resemblance to Hermione. As danel4d pointed out in the comments last time, this could have been quite interesting if we'd actually been shown any of it in the fic. As it is, he's just a schmuck who wants to be the Master from Paradigm of Uncertainty when he grows up.
Jamie watched as Damien approached Timmy, but then her eyes were drawn back to the body of Emma Wrong. Wrong was an evil woman; she was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent people and yet somehow it just didn’t seem right that anyone’s life should end so abruptly, so coldly with no forewarning. A few minutes ago she was the Minister of Magic, respected by the Wizarding World. In her alter ego she was The Great One, feared and loathed. Now with just the wave of a hand, she was nothing but a dead, soulless shell.
She was a dead, soulless shell when she was still alive. We haven't been shown anything about who she is, how and why she became the Minister and the Great One or anything. We've not even had a description. And now she's dead, we probably never will. I'm all for not treating death casually, but "she was a bad person but she was still a person" only works if we have an idea of who she actually was as a person. Hell, even Damien has been humanised ever so slightly since his reappearance, while remaining the evil sadistic bastard we remember from the first fic, even if most of this never actually appeared on the page.
“Begging your pardon, my Lord,” Hooch interrupted. “She,” Hooch indicated Wrong’s body, “told us that the innocents must all die by your hand for you to return to human form.”
“She was a fool,” Slytherin responded. “She could not even properly interpret a Prophecy.
WITH THEIR DEATH BY HIS HAND,
TO HIS BODY HE WILL BE RETURNED,
TO WALK THE EARTH A MORTAL MAN
“Why would I, the great Lord Slytherin, after being returned from a sleep of over a thousand years, want to walk the earth as a mere mortal man when the Prophecy gives me the occasion to be so much more? I can be immortal and invincible if joined with evil."
It's not even a particularly ambiguous prophecy.
“But you just killed her,” Damien said in a meek voice.
“She was not the personification of evil,” Slytherin said with the hint of a laugh. “She was but a warped and frustrated old hag.” He looked knowingly at Damien. “You, my servant, are the embodiment of pure evil. When you and I are joined, no one will be able to conquer us.”
Damien is revealed as the embodiment of pure evil the chapter after he was shown not in fact to be pure evil.
Damien stared uneasily at the ghostlike figure of Salazar Slytherin. What exactly did he mean by joined?
Considering what it usually means in Hogwarts Exposed (see Chapter 22 of Too Exposed, actually called "Joining")... well, a bloke shagging the millennium-old not-quite-ghost of a legendary dark lord wouldn't even make the top hundred most WTF things in Hogwarts Exposed.
Were they to be some sort of partners in crime, or did he intend to live as a parasite off his body as Voldemort had done with Professor Quirrell?
Does Damien only know of Quirrell by reputation, or was he an associate of his or one of his students? This might have been interesting.
“Excuse me, your ghostliness,” Emily said. “You said my brother and Timmy would be set free. What about my sisters and I?”
Salazar did not answer, nor did he seem angry at being referred to as his ghostliness. Instead he walked, more floated, over to Emily and placed his hand on her forehead. Emily experienced a pain similar to the brain freeze one gets when eating ice cream too fast.
“You are the Seer,” he said in what gave the impression of being a sad tone. “You’re also in Slytherin house.”
It'd probably have made more sense for him to say "my house", but whatever.
Emily nodded her head.
Then he approached Caitlin and likewise placed his ghostlike hand on her head. “The Healer,” he said. “Not just a healer, but an extremely powerful one, and with telepathic powers no less.” He placed his hand on his chin and shook his head sadly before moving on to Jamie.
When he reached her, he paused slightly to glance at Timmy and Ben, and then found himself staring thoughtfully at Jamie. “Forgive me,” he said placing his hand on her forehead. “It has been an extremely long time since I have seen a nude female and you are an extraordinarily beautiful young woman.”
Even Salazar Slytherin is a pervert in this fic.
“You’re the Spirit Bright,” he said disappointedly, removing his hand from Jamie’s head and walking away from the girls.
So Emily has inherited being a Seer from her father, despite his inability to foresee his own entirely avoidable death, and Emily Caitlin is a healer because of her hyperempathy. But what's the qualification for being the Spirit Bright?
“You are all strong, brilliant, talented witches,” Slytherin declared. “I would prefer to allow you to continue to live and serve me, but unfortunately you are all mentioned as members of the conspiracy that could ultimately cause my defeat.
WITH HEALTH AND SIGHT AND SPIRIT BRIGHT
“Therefore, I regret that you must die, but your deaths will not come at my hands,” he said looking at Madame Hooch.
Why is she suddenly French?
“Will you please clean up here?”
Hooch’s eyes lit up as if Christmas had come early. “It will be my pleasure, Great Master.”
Slytherin has the measure of Hooch already.
“Now it is time we were joined,” Slytherin’s sprit said as he considered an extremely tense Damien. “I would much prefer my own body, but it is critical that the Prophecy be followed unerringly.”
“Come and stand by me,” he ordered the trembling Damien. “It will be quick and will not hurt. Your spirit and memories will not be destroyed, but rather will be overwhelmed by mine. Through you, I will learn of this new world I have been plunged into. Together your body and my mind will eventually rule this world.”
Damien moved to within touching distance of Slytherin and then waited fearfully for further directions.
“Exhale completely,” Slytherin instructed. “Make every effort to remove all the air from your lungs. Once your lungs are empty, breathe in deeply, through your mouth, trying to admit as much fresh air as possible.”
Crabbe and Goyle watched with foreboding; neither of the bulky followers had the mettle to move or speak.
They haven't moved nor spoken in the entire chapter so far.
Damien exhaled totally as he had been instructed. It was when he inhaled that it came to pass. The vapor like form of Salazar Slytherin first tapered and then was sucked into Damien’s body as if it were a beverage being drunk through a straw.
From one of the cans of Generic Beverage™ the girls took on their naked hike.
The final effect was, to a certain extent, the opposite of the Dementor’s kiss. Instead of Damien’s soul being sucked from his body, Slytherin’s spirit was added. What was Damien continued to exist, but was overwhelmed by the spirit of Salazar Slytherin.
For a short time, there was complete silence, as if Slytherin’s spirit was settling in and becoming adjusted to his new accommodations. Then he spoke, but in his own deep penetrating voice, which was nothing like that of the nerdish Damien. “This body is greatly inferior to my own,” Slytherin muttered disgustedly, “but the mind is beautiful, full of such evil thoughts. The Prophecy was correct. Our union will be unbreakable and our power unmatched.”
Okay, who actually thinks of themselves as evil?
Something, however, seemed to be confusing Slytherin as he absorbed all of Damien’s thoughts and memories. “What is a Hermione?” he finally asked to anyone in general. “This mind seems obsessed with the subject.”
“She was once a captive here,” Hooch explained. “I believe Damien became rather infatuated with her.”
Come to think of it, for what purpose did they actually kidnap Hermione? He was all "join us", but I doubt that's their regular recruitment strategy, and the only other person they ever kidnapped was the unnamed Auror who was so offhandedly castrated.
“Apparently so,” Slytherin said. “I must meet this woman some day, but for now there are more important things to do. Until I establish a loyal following, it is best my return remain a secret. You two,” he indicated Crabbe and Goyle “shall accompany me to my secret chamber. I want you to tell me all you know about the individuals that supported this ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’ person. These Death Eaters sound like people who would show me allegiance.”
Don't the Death Eaters already work for the Great One? They were definitely mentioned during Hermione's captivity, but then Damien also said that the Great One was a he. Maybe he hadn't met her without a mask on yet, since he didn't seem to know who she was even when he was talking to her in a later scene, or maybe the author retconned it. I'm guessing the latter since he admitted that he hadn't originally intended Wrong to be the Great One.
“That is a Portkey. It will bring you, but only you, to my side when you have finished here. Be quick about disposing of the young witches, I sense that a rescue effort is nearing.”
“What about the boys?” Hooch asked.
“Do not hurt them. They can cause me no harm,” he declared. “Leave them for their parents to find, they will be here soon.” With a wave of his arm, Slytherin along with Crabbe and Goyle disappeared.
Slytherin already knows not only that rescuers are inbound, but who they are. Despite not knowing who anyone is earlier on in the same scene, which is what you'd expect from someone who's been dead a thousand years.
Caitlin and Emily watched nervously as Hooch hustled about the dungeon making preparations. Neither of the girls had ever seen the witch look so happy, yet so frightening at the same time.
Speaking of characters I don't get, Hooch. What is her deal, anyway? Besides nipple-eating?
“We can’t give up hope,” Caitlin said encouragingly. But the words were barely out of her mouth when Hooch approached her.
“The Great Lord Slytherin told me to be swift, but it is difficult to hurriedly extricate revenge that I have waited so long to realize. My only regret is that I won’t be present to actually witness the demise of two of you.
“My lovely Caitlin,” Hooch said nastily. “I imagine you expect me to torture you unmercifully. Admittedly, it would give me great pleasure to turn you into a human shish kebab, but it will give me even more pleasure to know that you have died at the hands of your rescuers.”
They have curry in the wizarding world, so it stands to reason they'll also have kebabs. The Hogsmeade takeaway does good ones.
“Do you see that crossbow?” Hooch asked sadistically. “It is aimed directly for your heart and the arrow it holds has been soaked in a deadly poison. Can you imagine Hermione’s grief when the opening of the dungeon door sets it off? I can only hope that she will be the one to actually open the door.”
“But that is only the beginning,” Hooch cackled.
We're supposed to take her seriously as an antagonist, but not only does she monologue her evil plans, she cackles. She's less a villain than a parody of a villain. All she needs is a twirly moustache.
“In your hand you will be holding the rope that will suspend Jamie Zacherley above the Pyramid of Death. When the arrow pierces your heart, your hand will go limp and Miss Zacherley will become four nicely separated pieces.”
And I've already explained my doubts about the Pyramid of Death, both as a plot device and an actual device.
“I was hoping you didn’t intend to leave me out of all the fun,” Emily said bravely. Her words sounded plucky, but Emily was scared to death.
Whose POV is this?
“Leave her alone,” Jamie pleaded, lying Timmy on the cold floor next to Ben. “She hasn’t done anything to harm you. If you must torture someone, torture me.”
“You don’t understand at all, do you?” Hooch cried. “You’re just like Granger. Torturing you wouldn’t have the desired affects. It hurts you more to have someone you love harmed than it does to be tortured yourself. Watch, you’ll soon understand what I mean.”
Emily closed her eyes as Hooch approached. She had never been so frightened or felt so helpless in her entire life.
Not since last time.
“Harry, stop! The connection was strongest as we flew over that manor; it seems to be fading slightly now,” Hermione advised.
“Are you sure?” Harry asked in disbelief. “They can’t be there. That manor belongs to Emma Wrong, the Minister of Magic.”
How does he recognise Wrong's manor from the air? It's not like he's ever been there. He was in exile in the Muggle world before the start of the first fic, and I'd have remembered if he'd just dropped in for tea and biscuits with the Minister.
“All I know is that I felt the strongest link as we flew over that manor,” Hermione said emphatically. “The children are down there.”
“Wands at the ready,” Harry shouted, as he turned and headed for a landing.
“Potter, are you bloody crazy?” Draco called out. “Do you know who owns that manor?”
“I don’t give a damn who owns it; that’s where they’re being held prisoner.”
So first Harry thinks they've got the wrong place (sorry) but now he's okay with charging in there but Draco isn't. Makes sense?
“Stop, don’t you touch her!” Jamie screamed.
But when Hooch turned to sneer at Jamie, instead of a naked girl, she found herself facing a beautiful pure white unicorn. Caitlin had witnessed the almost instant transformation. Jamie was not only now in her Animagus form, but she was also free, the aged leather on her ankle bindings having burst due to pressure of the transformation.
Hooch dropped the breast ripper and reached for her wand as the unicorn, Jamie, lowered its head to charge.
“Avada Keda…” Hooch screamed. But before she could complete the curse, the unicorn’s horn had entered her chest and was protruding out of her back.
Oh yes. I've mentioned it before, but here it is, in all its glory. If a little disappointingly short. Do death scenes get much more Freudian than being impaled on a unicorn horn?
“Please don’t blast off the door,” Severus begged. “Remember who lives here.”
“It better ruddy well be unlocked then!” Ron hollered, “I’ve no intention of knocking and waiting for the bloody house elf to answer.”
Fortunately the door was unlocked and Ron held it open, allowing Harry and Hermione to rush inside first, but as soon as Hermione crossed the threshold, she staggered.
“Are you all right?” Harry asked concernedly.
As opposed to all those other ways of asking if someone is all right.
“Nothing has gone amiss has it?”
“No, but this is definitely the place,” Hermione panted, trying to catch her composure. “I’ve been here before. This is where I spent my missing week. It’s all coming back. Follow me! I know the way to the dungeon.”
Very handy that the memory wards decide to return her lost memory now. Where were they keeping it?
Hermione ran down the hall. The last time she had done so, she was naked and running the opposite direction in order to save her life.
This time, she only wishes she was naked.
“Down those steps and at the end of the corridor,” she shouted to Ron and Draco, who had overtaken her and Harry.
Ron practically flew down the stairs with Draco right behind them. They were almost at the solid dungeon door before Harry and Hermione reached the bottom of the stairs.
Ron reached out to open the door. “No! Don’t open it!” Hermione screamed, feeling as if a part of her were about to die, as Ron’s hand touched the knob
He really does have a one-track mind in this fic.
“Thank God,” Hermione sighed as she reached the door. “If we open that door, Caitlin is dead. I have to Apparate in.”
“You mean we,” Harry said firmly.
“You don’t know the layout of the dungeon, I do,” she said even more firmly. “I have to go alone. I’ll be okay. Trust me.”
Hermione didn’t wait for an answer; instead, with a soft pop, she was gone.
Had Hooch or any other dark followers been alive in the dungeon, Harry would now be planning a funeral for his beloved wife.
Because Hermione can't handle herself in a fight.
Hermione’s only concern upon Apparating was finding the crossbow and transfiguring its deadly arrow to something harmless.
Which apparently she can't do and defend herself against hypothetical dark followers at the same time. Anyway, there's no dramatic reunion between Harry, Hermione and the lost kids, only a scene cut.
“Do you know what we haven’t done since the children disappeared?” Harry asked as he snuggled close to Hermione later that evening.
There's ten unwatched episodes of EastEnders on the magical DVR.
“Harry, do you love me?” Hermione asked concernedly.
“I’ve often been told that there is no such thing as a dumb question. That’s a lot of rubbish because you just asked the dumbest question in the world,” Harry answered. “I couldn’t love you more if I tried. You’re my world, my everything.”
“No matter what I’ve done in the past?” Hermione asked, feeling extremely guilty.
“Hermione, why are you trembling?” Harry asked, holding her tightly in his arms.
“Harry, when I was being held in that dungeon.” She hesitated. “I did something awful, but I had no choice.” Tears started to moisten her eyes. “I’d been kept chained in that infernal contraption they call a cage. I had to get out if I wanted to have any chance of escaping,
No shit, really?
but the only way Damien would let me out was if I agreed to have sex with him.”
“Mione, it doesn’t matter.” Harry said, and then hesitated.
He realised that she doesn't like to be called Mione.
“During my confinement, I never got to see The Great One.
Nor did Damien. Nor even did the author.
Damien was my jailer and those two pigs, Crabbe and Goyle, assisted him.
And we get a long flashback from the first fic. I don't know why she didn't lose her memory again when she left the manor like she did the first time, but whatever. Anyway, the romantic discussion of her ordeal in the dungeon leads to the romantic discussion of her biting his dick off, which leads into her sucking him off because Hogwarts Exposed. Thankfully, this time Caitlin and Emily aren't doing likewise.
“It’s good just to be alive,” Emily sighed. “I thought we were all as good as dead.”
“Didn’t I tell you never to give up?” Caitlin queried. “We have something that will always give us an advantage over the supporters of evil. We have love.”
“Yeah we do,” Emily said, feeling extremely fortunate to have been adopted by the Potters after tragically losing her own parents. She cuddled closer to her sister. “Speaking of love, where is Jamie? Is she off doing the dirty deed with Alex?”
“She’s with Alex, but I doubt she’s in a shagging mood,” Caitlin said. “I think right now she just wants to be held. Did you get a good look at her after she transfigured back to herself?”
None of us did, because the author never bothered to write a scene.
“Yeah! She looked awful. As evil as Hooch was and as much as the bitch deserved to die, I wish someone else could have done the actually killing. Jamie is just too much like her Animagus form, good and pure. I think she’s having an extremely hard time dealing with the reality that she killed someone.”
“That’s why I can never picture Jamie as an Auror,” Caitlin said. “She has all the other abilities to be great, but she lacks hatred. I know being an Auror doesn’t always involve killing, but there are times when there are no other alternatives. Today she almost waited too long before acting.”
Instead of getting Jamie's own perspective on this conflict, we're getting it related secondhand by a pair of expospeaking kids. Much like Wrong, if we're going to go down the "she was still a person" road, it'd help if we knew anything about her as a person beyond "was a Hogwarts broomstick teacher, then something something something and ate Hermione's left nipple". Speaking of which, they move on to talking about Emily's breasts, specifically about how Madam Pomfrey shrunk them back to normal. (So much for that plot point.)
“No not really a problem.” Emily hemmed and hawed. “Do you remember the story Mum told us about being hit by a curse that made her teeth really large?”
“What do Mum’s teeth have to do with your breasts?” Caitlin asked, becoming annoyed with Emily’s evasiveness.
Well, Hooch's teeth have to do with Hermione's breasts. Does that count?
“Well, Mum let Madam Pomfrey go a little further than necessary in order to make her teeth smaller and more attractive than they actually were to begin with. I did sort of the opposite. I stopped Madam Pomfrey a little before my breasts were quite back to normal.”
Of course she did.
“Now you’re afraid you’ll be in trouble if you let anyone see them?”
Emily nodded her head.
“You haven’t worn a stitch of clothing around Mum and Dad since you and Jamie became a part of the family. Just how long do you think it will take them to become suspicious if suddenly you start wearing tops, especially if you still let everything else hang out?
“I just don’t want them to think poorly of me or yell,” Emily said.
Couldn't she just have passed it off as natural growth, considering her age? They still go to tell Harry and Hermione, though. Considering what they were doing in the previous scene, I can see what's coming a mile off. Uh, so to speak. And sure enough:
“I can’t believe we did that,” Caitlin said, as Emily and she hurried back into bed.
“Me either,” Emily moaned. “They’re going to kill us.”
“I doubt it,” Caitlin sighed. “They’re probably both dying of embarrassment right now. That’s the second time I’ve done that to Mum. The big difference is that the other time I didn’t actually see anything.”
Back in Exposed Chapter 13. She didn't see Harry, but she did see Hermione.
“I suppose now wouldn’t be a good time to ask questions about sex?” Emily tentatively inquired.
“It’s a fine time,” Hermione answered with a snort. “I was embarrassed, Harry was embarrassed, but we aren’t angry. We’re so pleased to have you girls back that I don’t think you could possibly make either of us angry today. What is the question?”
“That stuff that came out of Dad’s penis. Is that what makes a person pregnant?” Emily asked.
She's twelve and talks about sex all the time, and doesn't know what sperm is. I don't care that Hogwarts doesn't (yet) have sex education: this is something she should have learned at primary school.
“Yes, it contains the sperm that can make you pregnant,” Hermione confirmed.
“What if you got it in your mouth and swallowed it?” Caitlin asked. “Would that make you pregnant?”
“No,” Hermione said with a chuckle. “It must enter the vagina in order for you to get pregnant.”
And so's that. We're talking about the most basic of basics here. Even if it wasn't on the primary curriculum (it is) they're supposed to be highly intelligent and very curious about sex, so they shouldn't still think that you can become pregnant from giving a blow job. There's inconsistency, and then there's just complete nonsense.
“Why are you laughing?” Emily scolded.
“I’m not laughing at you guys,” Hermione apologized. “I’m picturing Ron trying to answer similar question in class. His face will be redder than his hair.”
“I like Professor Weasley,” Caitlin said, “but he does get flustered easily.”
I have to wonder why he of all the staff was chosen.
Sunday, September 4, 2005
“Harry, it's so good to look out over the Great Hall and see the girls smiling back,” Hermione said contentedly, as she ate breakfast while holding a napping Ben.
Harry smiled. “Have you put Ben down once since yesterday?”
“Only to pee and take a shower. I’m so glad it’s Sunday and I don’t have to leave him in order to teach class.”
“You could always take him with you tomorrow while you teach. He’s usually content and well behaved.”
Or just stay in their quarters. They seem to do so little actual teaching that I doubt anyone would notice.
“Oh yes! And when he gets hungry, I’ll just whip out my boob in front of the students and feed him,” Hermione said. “That would go over great with the parents and Board of Directors.”
Hogwarts doesn't have a board of directors, not being a company and all: it has governors, who we've actually met in Too Exposed so there's even less excuse here than normal
“I know you can’t do it, but that‘s really sad,” Harry said dismally. “What is more pure and natural than a mother feeding her child?”
It's not a question of what's pure and natural, it's a question of trying to look after a baby while trying to teach twenty kids one of the most difficult and dangerous magical disciplines.
“You, Mister Potter, have been living with naturists too long; you’re starting to sound like one.”
“Not to change the subject, but did you get to talk to Jamie at all this morning?” Harry asked.
"Not to change the subject, but let's talk about something different!"
“No, she spent the entire night with Alex in the Room of Requirement,” Hermione replied.
Harry gave a devilish grin. “Well, in that case, I imagine everything is all right.”
Yeah, fine, just let them shag away on school premises. What could possibly go wrong?
“No, it’s not,” Hermione said, giving Harry an angry look. “Alex contacted me this morning while you were in Severus’ office. Jamie cried all night. He just held her in his arms and tried to comfort her. She’s having a difficult time dealing with what she did.”
“She had no choice! Hooch would have mutilated and killed Emily!” Harry said.
“She knows that. She also knows that she had no option but to kill her. That doesn’t make it any easier for her to accept. It’s going to take time, love and patience for her to get over this.”
“Perhaps she should reconsider training for a career as an Auror,” Harry suggested.
This is pretty much the exact same conversation Caitlin and Emily had.
As Hermione and Harry talked, the owls arrived with the daily mail.
Rita Skeeter has a new job.
As Hermione slipped a coin in the owl’s bag, Harry grabbed the newspaper and began to read the headline.
SELF-PROFESSED GREAT ONE KILLED.
HEROIC MINISTER OF MAGIC OF MAGIC DIES
DURING RESCUE OF INNOCENT CHILDREN
Not just the Minister of Magic (sic) but the Minister of Magic of Magic!
The magical world may never know the full account of what transpired last evening, but we can once again rest at ease knowing that a dark force bent on world domination has been defeated. Sadly this defeat came at the needless loss of our beloved Minister of Magic, Emma Wrong.
This is another place where not knowing anything at all about Wrong goes... okay, I won't say it. If we'd actually had some idea of how the wizarding world really thought of her to compare and contrast with this, it'd have worked better.
What we do know is that on Friday, August 19, 2005 a kidnapping apparently took place at the residence of Ronald and Samantha Weasley, Hogsmeade. Reported as missing were: Timothy Weasley, age four; Benjamin Potter, age two months; Emily Zacherley-Potter, age 12; Caitlin Potter, age 13 and Jamie Zacherley, age 17.
All Ministry attempts to quickly locate these children were stalled by the lack of cooperation from their parents. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley, having evidently allowed their previous success against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named go to their heads; decided that professional assistance was not needed. The experienced staff of Aurors at the Ministry of Magic was informed that their help was not necessary or even desired.
And apparently the authorities just stop looking for missing children when their parents say so. Wouldn't that just make them suspect the parents had a hand in it themselves?
Had the Aurors been fully involved from the onset, this matter would most likely have been solved in days and undoubtedly without the lamentable loss of Minister Wrong’s life.
When the rag tag team of self-proclaimed detectives finally located the missing children last evening, they discovered that our brave Minister had arrived on the scene before them. Aurors conducting an investigation feel that Minister Wrong died while dueling the Great One in order to save the children from certain death. The Great One has been identified as Madam Hooch, a former teacher at Hogwarts who served a brief sentence in Azkaban for a minor offense.
The Vice Minister, who has assumed the position of Minister of Magic until such time as a special election is held, asks that the magical community not take out its anger over the death of our beloved Minister on Weasley, Granger or Potter. “We all make tragic mistakes at times during our lives,” Minister Percy Weasley said. “We must forgive their blunder, but at the same time resolve that we, as good citizens of the magical world, will not allow ourselves to be misdirected by imprudent people such as these.”
I can tell this was written right after Order of the Phoenix. At least this author doesn't feed Percy to Fluffy.
“Who is it dear?” Harry heard Percy ask his wife after she informed him there was a head in the fireplace. “Oh! Him! Well I guess I may just as well get this over with now.”
Percy's wife apparently doesn't have a name.
“Yes. Any articles that could possibly incite a panic must be reviewed by the Minister’s office before publication. I was unquestionably glad I had the opportunity to correct that article. The fool reporter that wrote it actually mixed up Madam Hooch and Emma Wrong. Can you believe, she in point of fact wrote that the Minister Wrong was The Great One?”
“I can believe it,” Harry answered angrily, “because she was.”
“Harry, Harry, Harry. Where could you possibly get such a preposterous idea?”
“From the people she was holding prisoner,” Harry retorted.
“Children! You want to drag a deceased woman’s good name through the mud based on the wild hallucinations of little children?” Percy asked.
“My daughters were not hallucinating,” Harry affirmed. “Jamie isn’t a child. She gave the same account.”
“I’ve been informed that Miss Zacherley was extremely delusional and distraught,” Percy added. “The first Aurors on the scene state that she was wondering around totally nude, covered with blood and mumbling something about committing murder. How can you possibly consider her a steadfast witness?”
All in all, the aftermath in the dungeon was a pretty vital scene for the author to have simply skipped.
“How do you explain the blood on her?” Harry snapped back. “Jamie is a unicorn Animagus. She gorged Hooch on her horn to prevent the bitch from torturing and mutilating Emily.”
“And after that, did the pink elephants do a dance?” Percy asked sarcastically.
Percy really needs to choose his battles: that she's a unicorn Animagus is a matter of public record, since (having become an Animagus under the official auspices of Hogwarts, rather than by way of "extra homework" like the Marauders) it stands to reason she'll be registered.
ETA: Okay, so I've just started reading Time of Good Intentions, the second Psychic Serpent fic, and apparently you don't have to register as an Animagus until after you leave Hogwarts. This has its own problems, but at least explains why Percy thinks he's got plausible deniability on the unicorn thing. It'd have been nice if this author had made it clearer that this was what was going on there.
Harry’s face turned red with anger.
He's in the fireplace. How can anyone tell?
“I don’t care if you are the Minister of Magic, Percy. You’re still an arse. You always have been and you always will be. Bring your fucking, good for nothing arse here to Hogwarts and Jamie will demonstrate her abilities for you.”
“I don’t care if Zacherley can turn into all seven dwarfs simultaneously,” Percy said arrogantly.
Percy apparently being conversant in Muggle fairy tales.
“You and your brood are not going to besmirch Emma Wrong’s good name. She was the only one that stood by me after the Fudge debacle. It’s because of her that I’m where I am today.”
“Now the truth comes out,” Harry bellowed. “You don’t care two Knuts about Wrong’s good name. Percy Weasley is all you’re concerned about. If the truth comes out about her being The Great One, her assistant won’t last a week as Minister of Magic.”
Percy's advisors, when they find out he let that slip:
“She was not the Great One,” Percy screamed.
“Then explain the dungeon and why the children were being held prisoner in her manor.”
Percy sighed. “It’s possible that Hooch might have had her under the Imperius Curse the last few weeks. We have no way of being sure.”
I like how he's gone from "Wrong can do no wrong" to "well, she might have been under the Imperius" in the space of a few seconds.
“I’m ashamed to admit he’s my brother,” Ron exclaimed from behind him.
Harry turned around startled. “How long have you been there?”
“Since the part where he did the Gilderoy Lockhart imitation: Harry, Harry, Harry. I was looking for you in the Great Hall and Hermione told me to let myself in. Percy wants that job so badly that he’s willing to see our world destroyed by Slytherin in order to keep it.”
“And he’s turned most of that world against us just like Fudge did at the end of our forth year.” Harry added.
Yeah, mentioning that you're recycling plots from the books doesn't make it any better. I'm not surprised that he ran out of ideas before the end of Underexposed, really.
“Then he’s left us only one option, Harry. You must call a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix.”
The Order of the Phoenix had already been mentioned in Hogwarts Exposed before the actual book came out, but the author was vague enough as to what it was that bringing in the actual Order of the Phoenix doesn't contradict anything. Anyway, there's a welcome back feast in the Great Hall and Snape basically rips off Dumbledore at the end of Goblet of Fire.
Once everyone was again seated, Snape continued. “I’m sure many of you have read the account of what took place, printed in the Daily Prophet. Most of that article was a cock-and-bull story. It was laden with lies, misdirection and missing vital information. Sadly, the Ministry of Magic does not want you to know the truth. Possibly some of your parents will be angered by what I am about to tell you.”
“I was there. I believe, as did my predecessor, that the truth is generally preferable to lies. The only truth in the Prophet piece of writing was that these three girls along with Benjamin Potter and Timothy Weasley were kidnapped. The help of Ministry Aurors was never refused; I myself contacted the Ministry and gave them every detail of the situation.
“What is truly disturbing is that the Ministry has chosen to alter facts and hide information from our world for political reasons. Minister Wrong did not die trying to save the kidnap victims. In reality it was at her instructions that the abductions took place. Minister Wrong was in fact, The Great One; the authorities were told this by four witnesses, yet the Ministry is trying to save face and claim that Madam Hooch was the mastermind behind all this terrorism.”
Snape looked from table to table before continuing. “But what is worse is that the Ministry has decided to stick its head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend that a most serious threat to our world does not exist. The innocents were kidnapped by Emma Wrong in order to fulfill a prophecy and restore Salazar Slytherin to life. She was successful; it was Salazar Slytherin, himself, who killed her.”
Students looked at their friends. Every face in the Hall appeared stunned and frightened.
“I fear we are all facing dark and difficult times, perhaps even worse than when Lord Voldemort was at his height of power,” Snape proclaimed.
And still we don't know why Slytherin is meant to be so much worse than Voldemort. Or, for that matter, the Great One. For what little the Great One actually did.
Without further word, he clapped his hands. In an instant, the hangings for Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw joined those of Gryffindor and Slytherin.
“It is at times like these that we must forget our petty House differences and unite against a mutual enemy. As Albus Dumbledore once said, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”
“It is because of our need to unite and work together, that I have decided to forge ahead with our plans to compete against our American cousins.” Snape paused to take a drink of pumpkin juice. “Teams from America competed against each other this summer to determine which school would represent the States against us. The winning team from The Salem Witches’ Institute will be arriving on Halloween. That evening, we will select our team”
The idea of the Salem Witches' Institute, whose only appearance in the books was a banner at the Quidditch World Cup in Goblet of Fire, being a school is one of those things that's been seized on in fanon with no actual support. Probably to give American exchange student OCs somewhere to come from. As its representatives consisted of a group of middle-aged women, I always thought it was more likely to be a wizarding equivalent of the Women's Institute.
Randy leaned over and whispered to Matt. “The tournament is as good as won. Hogwarts can easily beat a team composed of only girls.”
“Is that so,” Caitlin flared, defensively. “Are you saying girls aren’t as good in competition as boys?”
“Nothing personal,” Randy said apologetically.
Because Hogwarts Exposed would never be sexist.
“Besides,” Caitlin added. “SWI has been co-ed since the nineteen fifties. They just keep the name for traditional reasons.”
How does Caitlin know so much about American wizarding schools?
“This competition will be very different from the Tri-Wizard Tournament held here over ten years ago,” Snape said. “Firstly, it is a team, rather than an individual event. Secondly, the contests will involve mental and physical challenges as well as the use of magical abilities. In some events, the use of magic will actually be strictly forbidden.
“The Goblet of Fire will be picking the Hogwarts contenders, but will be following prearranged rules. The team will be composed of six individuals, three boys and three girls. Each house will have at least one representative on the team and for obvious reasons, first years will not be allowed to participate.”
It's an international competition between students of wizarding schools, in which the competitors are chosen by the Goblet of Fire and there's an age limit, but other than that it's nothing at all like the Triwizard Tournament.