Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 24 part 1
Or, the last chapter. The last chapter of the first fic before things get even worse, that is.
“Mione, I really wish
"... the author would stop making me call you that!"
Hermione put her hands on her hips and simply shook her head in dismay. “Harry Potter, what am I to do with you? We discussed this and we both agreed it was the proper thing.
Savour this rare sight of HE!Hermione actually asserting herself. Not that we saw any of this discussion, which presumably took place during the time skip.
Now you’re making me feel as if I’m kicking you out. It’s just for one night.” She gave Harry a teasing smile. “I promise that I’ll make it up to you tomorrow night.”
Harry gave Hermione his best-lost little boy expression. “You realize that I probably won’t be able to walk properly tomorrow after spending the night on that bumpy sofa of theirs?” Harry whined.
Hermione hugged Harry. “I love you so much, but you’re being extremely frustrating. The couch at Sam and Ron’s flat is not lumpy. You’ll be very comfortable. It’s probably silly, but I just don’t think we should sleep together the night before our wedding.
Yet they have every night prior to that. I think the "no sex before marriage" ship has long since sailed. I've heard of people choosing to spend the night before apart, but it's tended to be a practical concern of having space to get ready without getting in each other's way and starting the marriage off on the wrong foot. That, or the idea of a last night of freedom. But of course the author's one-track mind leads us where it always does.
We should see each other for the first time tomorrow when I come down the aisle.”
The tradition, at least as far as I'm aware, is simply that the groom shouldn't see the bride in her dress before then.
Hermione looked pleadingly at Harry. “The girls and I have a lot of plans for tonight and we can’t get started ‘til you leave.
I know Hermione doesn't seem to have many female friends in canon, but this has to be the most pathetic hen party ever. She could at least have called up her dorm mates and Ginny and gone to the pub or something. Instead, she's dossing around the flat with three naked schoolgirls. And there's no way of describing that without sounding wrong.
Emily had been waiting impatiently and decided to take this as her cue to do something about the state of affairs.
The first sign of her even being in this scene is when we suddenly bamf into her POV. When we're told that a character who's just entered the scene was there all along, the reader is forced to backtrack and reread the scene taking this new information into account and anything resembling pacing goes right down the toilet. When this is accompanied by a shift into the newcomer's POV, the result is nothing short of incoherent. And lest we forget, three betas gave this mess the green light.
“…and then she closed the door in my face. I tell you that little girl is part demon,” Harry exclaimed.
He exclaimed without an exclamation mark.
Sam just grinned at Harry, “And you already love her, don’t you?”
She has a very expressive grin.
“Yeah! I love all three of the girls,” Harry answered. “Draco, I’m sure, thinks I’m crazy, but I’ve never been this content. Suddenly I’m part of a big family and I adore it. What’s incredible about the girls is how much they’re alike, but at the same time so different. Jamie is remarkable. Hermione thinks she is so much like me, and I see Hermione whenever I look at her.”
Harry is once again uncharacteristically eloquent, and apparently Sam doesn't realise anything dodgy about him admitting that he sees his bride-to-be when he looks at his fifteen-year-old student.
“She’s very much like both of you,” Ron contributed. If it wasn’t for the age factor, she could easily be your and Hermione’s daughter.”
Jamie is like the long-lost daughter of Harry and Hermione. There's a new piece of information we'd not yet been given. The fact that she isn't is probably this author's idea of a twist.
“Then there are Caitlin and Emily,” Harry continued. “They’ve gotten so close in the last few months that you’d think they were twins, but they are as opposite as night is to day. Caitlin is one hundred percent girl and Emily is rather a bit of tomboy. We got an owl from her school last week.
Apparently, primary schools keep post owls just in case they have kids whose parents live at Hogwarts.
“Emily’s a natural at flying, too,” Harry added. “I was giving Jamie some pointers the other night and Emily went with us to the pitch. When Jamie and I were finished, I showed Emily some basics. She took to a broom like a fish does to water.”
“Does Caitlin like flying?” Samantha inquired.
“Caitlin is like Hermione when it comes to flying. She’d rather walk,” Harry laughed.
We haven't actually been shown any of this characterisation, even though we had the perfect opportunity last chapter when Harry was flying them back to Hogwarts. They were both uneasy about riding griffon!Harry, and that's it.
“Not to change the subject, but I understand your wedding plans have changed a little.” Sam smiled as Harry grimaced.
Not to change the subject, but let's change the subject. Again.
Harry shook his head in disgust. “A little is an understatement. If it were feasible, Hermione and I would have liked to have been married in some isolated part of Brazil where no one knew us, just the minister and us. But we realized that was rather selfish and now with the kids basically impossible. So, we opted for a small wedding here at Hogwarts. It seems the only thing that has stayed small is the wedding party. Everything else just seemed to get out of control.”
“Hermione and I both are acquainted with so many people and it was so hard to not invite people you know and love. Of course I had to invite Sirius; he’s my godfather. We could hardly tell him to come without his wife and children. Then there was Lupin and his wife. How could we invite Fred and George without Bill and Percy and their families? Then since the wedding is at Hogwarts it seemed wrong not to invite the staff. There were classmates, ministry officials plus their guests and well it just grew and grew.”
Again, a few small scenes establishing such an escalation would have worked so much better than all the expospeak.
Sam giggled. “Exactly when did it stop growing?
Harry blushed. “At around five hundred. With all those people and some coming a great distance, Severus thought we should at least offer the people a light lunch. Dobby laughed when Hermione asked if the elves would consider preparing a small lunch. It seems elves never do things in a small, understated way. So there is to be a huge meal and a band and cake and everything we hoped to avoid, but all that matters to me is that tomorrow she will be my wife.”
“Wife. That sounds so fantastic. Ron, do you understand how much I love her? How much I adore her?” Harry said.
The close quote makes it look as though Harry is talking to himself here. At least the author got his other punctuation right and didn't have them giggling and blushing their dialogue.
“Yes, Hermione didn’t want to miss anymore of the school year then she already has, so we decided to forgo a honeymoon and take a nice vacation with the kids this summer. We let them pick the destination,” Harry expression looked somewhat dejected.
“Where did they decide they wanted to go? Sam asked.
Harry looked extremely disappointed
Is there an echo in here?
“I was positive they would pick Walt Disney World in America, but they didn’t. I’m kind of let down because I’ve always wanted to go there, but instead they picked a seashore resort in southern France along the Mediterranean Coast. Hermione and I decided we would go to Disneyland Paris for a few days and then spend a week at the resort.”
“What is the name of the resort?” Sam inquired.
“Cap D’agde. Jamie and Emily have been there before with their parents.
Their parents were struggling to scrape together Jamie's nonexistent tuition fees, yet could somehow afford holidays to Cap d'Agde.
Jamie was a great help making the reservations. I was impressed how well she speaks French,” Harry answered.
Holidays to Cap d'Agde that were long enough for Jamie to pick up French. Because she's not exactly got time to brush up her language skills when she's trying to get thirteen Q.W.CAS points, has she?
Sam tried desperately to keep her laughter suppressed. “What do you know about the resort, Harry?”
“Mainly what Jamie has told me,” Harry answered. “Oh, and I’ve seen pictures. It seems quite impressive. Jamie says they have their own private shopping mall, private beaches and a number of pools. Emily and her rave about the place and Caitlin can’t wait to see it.”
Harry doesn't seem to realise that it's a naturist resort, despite the fact that Jamie went there with her parents and despite the fact that the resort is actually called the Village Naturiste. Anyway, nothing else of note happens that evening so we cut to:
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Hermione sat on the edge of her bed watching the sunrise.
Which puts it about 5 am, perhaps a bit earlier.
She hadn’t slept all that well last night, partly due to nervousness about today, but mostly because Harry wasn’t there with her.
Augh! Who is this limp, codependent wet blanket and what's she done with Hermione Granger?
A knocking on the bedroom door interrupted her thoughts. “Come in,” she said.
As the door open see saw Jamie’s smiling face. Jamie quietly entered the room and sat next to Hermione on the bed. “The big day is finally here. Are you nervous?” asked Jamie.
Jamie somehow knew that Hermione would be awake at 5 in the morning, even though they don't usually go running until an hour later.
Jamie returned the hug. “You can’t imagine how proud I am that you chose me. Not to change the subject, but
"... I'm changing the subject." No, this isn't annoying at all.
should I wake Caitlin and Emily to run or are we skipping this morning?”
“We’re not skipping. I never feel the same on days I don’t run. Since it will only be the four of us today, I was thinking of… well trying the charm you girls use. Promise you won’t tell Harry?”
Jamie nodded, “Of course, but I’m surprised you haven’t tried it before now.
Especially as she apparently invented it.
You’ve seen how well it works for the rest of us. Just be prepared for your breasts to hurt a little. Mine are accustomed to bouncing around, yours aren’t. It takes some getting use to.”
Breasts breasts breasts.
“What amazes me is the way you girls have changed me,” Hermione said. “Last September I would have never believed that I would be sitting talking to you like a sister, both of us unclothed; yet, alone that I’d be about to run the Quidditch Pitch starkers. Will you wake up Caitlin and Emily before I chicken out?”
“Don’t bother, we’re ready to go,” said Caitlin. The two girls were standing in the door way dressed in their socks and running shoes.
And apparently they also knew that the run had been put forward an hour.
Continued...
“Mione, I really wish
"... the author would stop making me call you that!"
Hermione put her hands on her hips and simply shook her head in dismay. “Harry Potter, what am I to do with you? We discussed this and we both agreed it was the proper thing.
Savour this rare sight of HE!Hermione actually asserting herself. Not that we saw any of this discussion, which presumably took place during the time skip.
Now you’re making me feel as if I’m kicking you out. It’s just for one night.” She gave Harry a teasing smile. “I promise that I’ll make it up to you tomorrow night.”
Harry gave Hermione his best-lost little boy expression. “You realize that I probably won’t be able to walk properly tomorrow after spending the night on that bumpy sofa of theirs?” Harry whined.
Hermione hugged Harry. “I love you so much, but you’re being extremely frustrating. The couch at Sam and Ron’s flat is not lumpy. You’ll be very comfortable. It’s probably silly, but I just don’t think we should sleep together the night before our wedding.
Yet they have every night prior to that. I think the "no sex before marriage" ship has long since sailed. I've heard of people choosing to spend the night before apart, but it's tended to be a practical concern of having space to get ready without getting in each other's way and starting the marriage off on the wrong foot. That, or the idea of a last night of freedom. But of course the author's one-track mind leads us where it always does.
We should see each other for the first time tomorrow when I come down the aisle.”
The tradition, at least as far as I'm aware, is simply that the groom shouldn't see the bride in her dress before then.
Hermione looked pleadingly at Harry. “The girls and I have a lot of plans for tonight and we can’t get started ‘til you leave.
I know Hermione doesn't seem to have many female friends in canon, but this has to be the most pathetic hen party ever. She could at least have called up her dorm mates and Ginny and gone to the pub or something. Instead, she's dossing around the flat with three naked schoolgirls. And there's no way of describing that without sounding wrong.
Emily had been waiting impatiently and decided to take this as her cue to do something about the state of affairs.
The first sign of her even being in this scene is when we suddenly bamf into her POV. When we're told that a character who's just entered the scene was there all along, the reader is forced to backtrack and reread the scene taking this new information into account and anything resembling pacing goes right down the toilet. When this is accompanied by a shift into the newcomer's POV, the result is nothing short of incoherent. And lest we forget, three betas gave this mess the green light.
“…and then she closed the door in my face. I tell you that little girl is part demon,” Harry exclaimed.
He exclaimed without an exclamation mark.
Sam just grinned at Harry, “And you already love her, don’t you?”
She has a very expressive grin.
“Yeah! I love all three of the girls,” Harry answered. “Draco, I’m sure, thinks I’m crazy, but I’ve never been this content. Suddenly I’m part of a big family and I adore it. What’s incredible about the girls is how much they’re alike, but at the same time so different. Jamie is remarkable. Hermione thinks she is so much like me, and I see Hermione whenever I look at her.”
Harry is once again uncharacteristically eloquent, and apparently Sam doesn't realise anything dodgy about him admitting that he sees his bride-to-be when he looks at his fifteen-year-old student.
“She’s very much like both of you,” Ron contributed. If it wasn’t for the age factor, she could easily be your and Hermione’s daughter.”
Jamie is like the long-lost daughter of Harry and Hermione. There's a new piece of information we'd not yet been given. The fact that she isn't is probably this author's idea of a twist.
“Then there are Caitlin and Emily,” Harry continued. “They’ve gotten so close in the last few months that you’d think they were twins, but they are as opposite as night is to day. Caitlin is one hundred percent girl and Emily is rather a bit of tomboy. We got an owl from her school last week.
Apparently, primary schools keep post owls just in case they have kids whose parents live at Hogwarts.
“Emily’s a natural at flying, too,” Harry added. “I was giving Jamie some pointers the other night and Emily went with us to the pitch. When Jamie and I were finished, I showed Emily some basics. She took to a broom like a fish does to water.”
“Does Caitlin like flying?” Samantha inquired.
“Caitlin is like Hermione when it comes to flying. She’d rather walk,” Harry laughed.
We haven't actually been shown any of this characterisation, even though we had the perfect opportunity last chapter when Harry was flying them back to Hogwarts. They were both uneasy about riding griffon!Harry, and that's it.
“Not to change the subject, but I understand your wedding plans have changed a little.” Sam smiled as Harry grimaced.
Not to change the subject, but let's change the subject. Again.
Harry shook his head in disgust. “A little is an understatement. If it were feasible, Hermione and I would have liked to have been married in some isolated part of Brazil where no one knew us, just the minister and us. But we realized that was rather selfish and now with the kids basically impossible. So, we opted for a small wedding here at Hogwarts. It seems the only thing that has stayed small is the wedding party. Everything else just seemed to get out of control.”
“Hermione and I both are acquainted with so many people and it was so hard to not invite people you know and love. Of course I had to invite Sirius; he’s my godfather. We could hardly tell him to come without his wife and children. Then there was Lupin and his wife. How could we invite Fred and George without Bill and Percy and their families? Then since the wedding is at Hogwarts it seemed wrong not to invite the staff. There were classmates, ministry officials plus their guests and well it just grew and grew.”
Again, a few small scenes establishing such an escalation would have worked so much better than all the expospeak.
Sam giggled. “Exactly when did it stop growing?
Harry blushed. “At around five hundred. With all those people and some coming a great distance, Severus thought we should at least offer the people a light lunch. Dobby laughed when Hermione asked if the elves would consider preparing a small lunch. It seems elves never do things in a small, understated way. So there is to be a huge meal and a band and cake and everything we hoped to avoid, but all that matters to me is that tomorrow she will be my wife.”
“Wife. That sounds so fantastic. Ron, do you understand how much I love her? How much I adore her?” Harry said.
The close quote makes it look as though Harry is talking to himself here. At least the author got his other punctuation right and didn't have them giggling and blushing their dialogue.
“Yes, Hermione didn’t want to miss anymore of the school year then she already has, so we decided to forgo a honeymoon and take a nice vacation with the kids this summer. We let them pick the destination,” Harry expression looked somewhat dejected.
“Where did they decide they wanted to go? Sam asked.
Harry looked extremely disappointed
Is there an echo in here?
“I was positive they would pick Walt Disney World in America, but they didn’t. I’m kind of let down because I’ve always wanted to go there, but instead they picked a seashore resort in southern France along the Mediterranean Coast. Hermione and I decided we would go to Disneyland Paris for a few days and then spend a week at the resort.”
“What is the name of the resort?” Sam inquired.
“Cap D’agde. Jamie and Emily have been there before with their parents.
Their parents were struggling to scrape together Jamie's nonexistent tuition fees, yet could somehow afford holidays to Cap d'Agde.
Jamie was a great help making the reservations. I was impressed how well she speaks French,” Harry answered.
Holidays to Cap d'Agde that were long enough for Jamie to pick up French. Because she's not exactly got time to brush up her language skills when she's trying to get thirteen Q.W.CAS points, has she?
Sam tried desperately to keep her laughter suppressed. “What do you know about the resort, Harry?”
“Mainly what Jamie has told me,” Harry answered. “Oh, and I’ve seen pictures. It seems quite impressive. Jamie says they have their own private shopping mall, private beaches and a number of pools. Emily and her rave about the place and Caitlin can’t wait to see it.”
Harry doesn't seem to realise that it's a naturist resort, despite the fact that Jamie went there with her parents and despite the fact that the resort is actually called the Village Naturiste. Anyway, nothing else of note happens that evening so we cut to:
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Hermione sat on the edge of her bed watching the sunrise.
Which puts it about 5 am, perhaps a bit earlier.
She hadn’t slept all that well last night, partly due to nervousness about today, but mostly because Harry wasn’t there with her.
Augh! Who is this limp, codependent wet blanket and what's she done with Hermione Granger?
A knocking on the bedroom door interrupted her thoughts. “Come in,” she said.
As the door open see saw Jamie’s smiling face. Jamie quietly entered the room and sat next to Hermione on the bed. “The big day is finally here. Are you nervous?” asked Jamie.
Jamie somehow knew that Hermione would be awake at 5 in the morning, even though they don't usually go running until an hour later.
Jamie returned the hug. “You can’t imagine how proud I am that you chose me. Not to change the subject, but
"... I'm changing the subject." No, this isn't annoying at all.
should I wake Caitlin and Emily to run or are we skipping this morning?”
“We’re not skipping. I never feel the same on days I don’t run. Since it will only be the four of us today, I was thinking of… well trying the charm you girls use. Promise you won’t tell Harry?”
Jamie nodded, “Of course, but I’m surprised you haven’t tried it before now.
Especially as she apparently invented it.
You’ve seen how well it works for the rest of us. Just be prepared for your breasts to hurt a little. Mine are accustomed to bouncing around, yours aren’t. It takes some getting use to.”
Breasts breasts breasts.
“What amazes me is the way you girls have changed me,” Hermione said. “Last September I would have never believed that I would be sitting talking to you like a sister, both of us unclothed; yet, alone that I’d be about to run the Quidditch Pitch starkers. Will you wake up Caitlin and Emily before I chicken out?”
“Don’t bother, we’re ready to go,” said Caitlin. The two girls were standing in the door way dressed in their socks and running shoes.
And apparently they also knew that the run had been put forward an hour.
Continued...