Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 22 part 1
In which all the conflict in their bonding as a family continues to be swept aside as if it was never there in the first place.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
I have a bad feeling about this chapter already.
Hermione lay quietly listening, but the only sound she heard was Harry’s breathing as he slept next to her. It was two in the morning and she had been awakened by what she thought were voices. Hearing voices in Hogwarts was not an uncommon occurrence, what with pictures and mirrors that talked along with the numerous ghosts. This time, however, she must have been mistaken.
Because her quarters are so sparsely described, we have no idea whether she has any wizarding portraits in there or anything else apart from the dread Mirror of Ytidun. And I don't think the Hogwarts ghosts are in the habit of sneaking into people's quarters at night to watch them sleep. Nearly Headless Nick is not Edward Cullen. I can't believe I just typed that.
It occurs to me that the Hogwarts ghosts basically never appear in fanfic. What's with that, anyway?
Since she was awake; she decided to check on Caitlin and Emily. She reached for her robe, but was unable to locate it in the dark. When Harry was in a passionate mood he had the tendency to throw her clothes hither and yon. He had been especially zealous tonight.
Let's take another look at the sex scene in question:
After all this time apart, one might have anticipated clothes to be thrown hither and yon and them to assail each other in unrestrained fervor. Just the contrary was the case. They both seemed intent on this being a deliberate sweet affectionate reunion.
Continuity? What's that? Also, something from that scene I missed:
Harry always treated her as if she were a fragile piece of art that would break if mishandled.
Desk-On: apply directly to the forehead.
After all, everyone was sleeping; she had no chance of being seen.
Savour this rare sight of a properly-placed semicolon; we don't see it often in this fic. If you think Hermione's state of undress isn't going to become relevant later in this scene, you've not read the previous 21 chapters.
As she opened the bedroom door she again stopped and listened. Not a sound, evidently even Crookshanks and Alfred were asleep.
That's very convenient, considering cats (and presumably Kneazles) don't have a human sleep cycle.
She stepped into the main living area and looked toward what was now Jamie’s room. The door stood open, but the room was dark and quiet. She then looked across the living area to the room shared by the young girls. It too, was dark and quiet.
I'm sensing a theme to this scene.
As she preceded quietly to the room that Caitlin and Emily now shared she thought how strange it was that these girls kept their doors wide open.
She, uh, came before the room?
Everything she had read indicated that young girls usually demanded privacy. Maybe it was the fact that they were nudists that made them so different and open. Hermione would never have dreamed of leaving the door to her bedroom open so that it would have been possible for her parents to walk in and see her sleeping. She had most certainly never slept naked.
In which Hermione's thoughts conveniently reflect what the author wants to tell us about the virtues of being a nudist.
Hermione was astonished by what she saw when she reached the room entrance. The girls were both sleeping in the same bed. They were not only in the same bed, but Caitlin had her arm around Emily and the younger girl was nestled against Caitlin’s chest. Hermione stood, staring in awe and wondering what had happened to draw the two girls together.
My rule of thumb when it comes to awe: if a scene wouldn't work with O Fortuna blaring out at jet engine volume, it's not awesome however much you tell us about (rather than showing us) the characters' reactions. Twice.
Hermione practically jumped out of her skin when Jamie said, “Isn’t that the most adorable picture you’ve ever seen? They both look so young and innocent.”
Hermione didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Her body was in panic mode. She could feel her skin become hot with embarrassment. Parts of her wanted to run crying to her room and slam the door shut.
Ladies and gentlemen, the defeater of Voldemort.
The adult part held her ground. Then Jamie put her hand on Hermione’s bare shoulder and leaned forward in order to get another look at the girls in bed. As she did so, Hermione could feel Jamie’s bare breast against her back. The sensation sent shivers through out her body.
Hermione the ephebophile. Those underage girls? Not safe in this apartment. D:
“Caitlin told Emily that she cared about her and that it made her hurt to see Emily hurting. She talked about my parents dying and how hard it must be for Emily to lose someone she loved so much. Caitlin told Emily that she wanted them to be more than friends. She wanted them to be sisters.
“Then Caitlin crawled into bed with Emily and told her what they did at the orphanage when someone was sad and lonely. One girl would pretend to be the mother and hold the depressed child. Caitlin is mothering Emily.”
Thank you for recapping the last scene of Chapter 21 in the first scene of Chapter 22. Truly our attention spans are that of the apocryphal goldfish.
Hermione briefly forgot her state of undress as she watched the sleeping girls.
I wonder if this is foreshadowing her becoming a nudist.
Not thinking, Hermione turned and faced Jamie.
"Not thinking" and "Hermione" do not belong in the same sentence.
“Jamie,” she said. “I’d like us all to be a family. I know that Harry and I could never take the place of your parents, and we would never try. I was wondering if you had room in your heart for an older brother and sister.”
Tears suddenly filled Jamie’s eyes. “I’d like that. I want us to be a family as well. But I couldn’t quite figure out how I would fit in the picture. Sisters! That sounds great. But, one condition.”
Hermione looked questioningly at Jamie. “What’s the condition?”
Jamie smiled. “That we are the type of sisters that are really close. Ones that talk to each other about everything and that go shopping and hang around with each other. Sisters that are more than sisters, but also good friends.”
Which they basically already are. They even had that truly riveting shopping scene earlier on.
“That sounds wonderful to me,” Hermione responded as she reached out to hug Jamie. As their breasts interlocked the two ‘sisters’ briefly laughed, but continued to embrace.
What's so funny about that? You have to be careful with making characters laugh, because if the reader neither finds the situation amusing nor sees why the characters do it looks artificial.
Suddenly Jamie turned and ran back to Hermione and threw her arms around her. Tears were cascading down her cheeks. “I love you. I don’t know what Emily and I would have done if you and Harry hadn’t come to our rescue. Justin Finch-Fletchley is right. You, without a doubt, are as beautiful inside as you are outside.”
Glurge readings are off the scale!
Tears now filled Hermione eyes. They had crossed the line and there was no turning back.
If you don't see why I find this turn of phrase rather disturbing in the context of this scene, go read Paradigm of Uncertainty. Actually, go read Paradigm of Uncertainty anyway. As a post-Hogwarts Harry/Hermione ship-with-plot fic that's actually good, indeed excellent, it's the perfect antidote to this dreck.
They could never look at each other again and see a Professor and her student. They were much more than that. And they were both delighted.
This makes me feel angry.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Thanks for telling us that the date hadn't changed in between Hermione waking up at two in the morning and:
As usual, Hermione woke before her alarm sounded.
... Hermione waking up at her regular time later that same morning. I'd never have been able to work that out.
Hermione had missed her daily routine and could tell that the last seven weeks of inactivity had softened her slightly.
Though not as much as the author already had.
As she slipped out of bed and walked to the window to check on the weather, she thought about the previous night and her nude encounter with Jamie.
Because being naked was the most important aspect of that scene.
Hermione was amazed at herself. She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t panicked. When she and Jamie had hugged, it actually seemed right that no clothes were between them. [tl;dr] Jamie hadn’t even mentioned that she was nude. It was as if she didn’t find it important one way or the other.
Of course she didn't. She's a nudist. Yet Hermione's internal monologue, and by extension the author, won't shut up about it!
Hermione’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. “Mum, it’s Caitlin. May I come in?
Without hesitation, Hermione said, “Yes.”
Normally I'll say a dialogue tag can go before or after the statement it references. Here, however, putting it before introduces a pause into the flow of the conversation, contradicting the "without hesitation" bit.
Hermione turned to face the door only to be shocked to see not one but two girls walk through. She blushed slightly, but didn’t run for a robe or try to hide. The mirror had shown her naked in front of Emily. If she honestly desired that future, then today was as good a day as any to start it.
Again, didn't it show her naked because she happened to be naked anyway? You can't just make up rules and then decide that they're not important after all!
Neither Caitlin nor Emily seemed to notice or care that Hermione was unclothed.
Why would they? They're nudists, as you keep telling us.
“Mum, may Emily speak with you and Dad?”
“Certainly, come on in.” Hermione nodded for the girls to take a seat on the edge of the bed, but before they had done so, Jamie stuck her head through the door.
“Is this a private party or can I come?” Jamie asked.
Hermione momentarily stared at the ceiling as if asking how has this all happened.
"Curse you, author!"
Continued...
Saturday, February 14, 2004
I have a bad feeling about this chapter already.
Hermione lay quietly listening, but the only sound she heard was Harry’s breathing as he slept next to her. It was two in the morning and she had been awakened by what she thought were voices. Hearing voices in Hogwarts was not an uncommon occurrence, what with pictures and mirrors that talked along with the numerous ghosts. This time, however, she must have been mistaken.
Because her quarters are so sparsely described, we have no idea whether she has any wizarding portraits in there or anything else apart from the dread Mirror of Ytidun. And I don't think the Hogwarts ghosts are in the habit of sneaking into people's quarters at night to watch them sleep. Nearly Headless Nick is not Edward Cullen. I can't believe I just typed that.
It occurs to me that the Hogwarts ghosts basically never appear in fanfic. What's with that, anyway?
Since she was awake; she decided to check on Caitlin and Emily. She reached for her robe, but was unable to locate it in the dark. When Harry was in a passionate mood he had the tendency to throw her clothes hither and yon. He had been especially zealous tonight.
Let's take another look at the sex scene in question:
After all this time apart, one might have anticipated clothes to be thrown hither and yon and them to assail each other in unrestrained fervor. Just the contrary was the case. They both seemed intent on this being a deliberate sweet affectionate reunion.
Continuity? What's that? Also, something from that scene I missed:
Harry always treated her as if she were a fragile piece of art that would break if mishandled.
Desk-On: apply directly to the forehead.
After all, everyone was sleeping; she had no chance of being seen.
Savour this rare sight of a properly-placed semicolon; we don't see it often in this fic. If you think Hermione's state of undress isn't going to become relevant later in this scene, you've not read the previous 21 chapters.
As she opened the bedroom door she again stopped and listened. Not a sound, evidently even Crookshanks and Alfred were asleep.
That's very convenient, considering cats (and presumably Kneazles) don't have a human sleep cycle.
She stepped into the main living area and looked toward what was now Jamie’s room. The door stood open, but the room was dark and quiet. She then looked across the living area to the room shared by the young girls. It too, was dark and quiet.
I'm sensing a theme to this scene.
As she preceded quietly to the room that Caitlin and Emily now shared she thought how strange it was that these girls kept their doors wide open.
She, uh, came before the room?
Everything she had read indicated that young girls usually demanded privacy. Maybe it was the fact that they were nudists that made them so different and open. Hermione would never have dreamed of leaving the door to her bedroom open so that it would have been possible for her parents to walk in and see her sleeping. She had most certainly never slept naked.
In which Hermione's thoughts conveniently reflect what the author wants to tell us about the virtues of being a nudist.
Hermione was astonished by what she saw when she reached the room entrance. The girls were both sleeping in the same bed. They were not only in the same bed, but Caitlin had her arm around Emily and the younger girl was nestled against Caitlin’s chest. Hermione stood, staring in awe and wondering what had happened to draw the two girls together.
My rule of thumb when it comes to awe: if a scene wouldn't work with O Fortuna blaring out at jet engine volume, it's not awesome however much you tell us about (rather than showing us) the characters' reactions. Twice.
Hermione practically jumped out of her skin when Jamie said, “Isn’t that the most adorable picture you’ve ever seen? They both look so young and innocent.”
Hermione didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Her body was in panic mode. She could feel her skin become hot with embarrassment. Parts of her wanted to run crying to her room and slam the door shut.
Ladies and gentlemen, the defeater of Voldemort.
The adult part held her ground. Then Jamie put her hand on Hermione’s bare shoulder and leaned forward in order to get another look at the girls in bed. As she did so, Hermione could feel Jamie’s bare breast against her back. The sensation sent shivers through out her body.
Hermione the ephebophile. Those underage girls? Not safe in this apartment. D:
“Caitlin told Emily that she cared about her and that it made her hurt to see Emily hurting. She talked about my parents dying and how hard it must be for Emily to lose someone she loved so much. Caitlin told Emily that she wanted them to be more than friends. She wanted them to be sisters.
“Then Caitlin crawled into bed with Emily and told her what they did at the orphanage when someone was sad and lonely. One girl would pretend to be the mother and hold the depressed child. Caitlin is mothering Emily.”
Thank you for recapping the last scene of Chapter 21 in the first scene of Chapter 22. Truly our attention spans are that of the apocryphal goldfish.
Hermione briefly forgot her state of undress as she watched the sleeping girls.
I wonder if this is foreshadowing her becoming a nudist.
Not thinking, Hermione turned and faced Jamie.
"Not thinking" and "Hermione" do not belong in the same sentence.
“Jamie,” she said. “I’d like us all to be a family. I know that Harry and I could never take the place of your parents, and we would never try. I was wondering if you had room in your heart for an older brother and sister.”
Tears suddenly filled Jamie’s eyes. “I’d like that. I want us to be a family as well. But I couldn’t quite figure out how I would fit in the picture. Sisters! That sounds great. But, one condition.”
Hermione looked questioningly at Jamie. “What’s the condition?”
Jamie smiled. “That we are the type of sisters that are really close. Ones that talk to each other about everything and that go shopping and hang around with each other. Sisters that are more than sisters, but also good friends.”
Which they basically already are. They even had that truly riveting shopping scene earlier on.
“That sounds wonderful to me,” Hermione responded as she reached out to hug Jamie. As their breasts interlocked the two ‘sisters’ briefly laughed, but continued to embrace.
What's so funny about that? You have to be careful with making characters laugh, because if the reader neither finds the situation amusing nor sees why the characters do it looks artificial.
Suddenly Jamie turned and ran back to Hermione and threw her arms around her. Tears were cascading down her cheeks. “I love you. I don’t know what Emily and I would have done if you and Harry hadn’t come to our rescue. Justin Finch-Fletchley is right. You, without a doubt, are as beautiful inside as you are outside.”
Glurge readings are off the scale!
Tears now filled Hermione eyes. They had crossed the line and there was no turning back.
If you don't see why I find this turn of phrase rather disturbing in the context of this scene, go read Paradigm of Uncertainty. Actually, go read Paradigm of Uncertainty anyway. As a post-Hogwarts Harry/Hermione ship-with-plot fic that's actually good, indeed excellent, it's the perfect antidote to this dreck.
They could never look at each other again and see a Professor and her student. They were much more than that. And they were both delighted.
This makes me feel angry.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Thanks for telling us that the date hadn't changed in between Hermione waking up at two in the morning and:
As usual, Hermione woke before her alarm sounded.
... Hermione waking up at her regular time later that same morning. I'd never have been able to work that out.
Hermione had missed her daily routine and could tell that the last seven weeks of inactivity had softened her slightly.
Though not as much as the author already had.
As she slipped out of bed and walked to the window to check on the weather, she thought about the previous night and her nude encounter with Jamie.
Because being naked was the most important aspect of that scene.
Hermione was amazed at herself. She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t panicked. When she and Jamie had hugged, it actually seemed right that no clothes were between them. [tl;dr] Jamie hadn’t even mentioned that she was nude. It was as if she didn’t find it important one way or the other.
Of course she didn't. She's a nudist. Yet Hermione's internal monologue, and by extension the author, won't shut up about it!
Hermione’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. “Mum, it’s Caitlin. May I come in?
Without hesitation, Hermione said, “Yes.”
Normally I'll say a dialogue tag can go before or after the statement it references. Here, however, putting it before introduces a pause into the flow of the conversation, contradicting the "without hesitation" bit.
Hermione turned to face the door only to be shocked to see not one but two girls walk through. She blushed slightly, but didn’t run for a robe or try to hide. The mirror had shown her naked in front of Emily. If she honestly desired that future, then today was as good a day as any to start it.
Again, didn't it show her naked because she happened to be naked anyway? You can't just make up rules and then decide that they're not important after all!
Neither Caitlin nor Emily seemed to notice or care that Hermione was unclothed.
Why would they? They're nudists, as you keep telling us.
“Mum, may Emily speak with you and Dad?”
“Certainly, come on in.” Hermione nodded for the girls to take a seat on the edge of the bed, but before they had done so, Jamie stuck her head through the door.
“Is this a private party or can I come?” Jamie asked.
Hermione momentarily stared at the ceiling as if asking how has this all happened.
"Curse you, author!"
Continued...