Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 16 part 3
Yes, you will go to the ball. More's the pity.
“Randy, walk down the stairs in front of Jamie. I’ll walk in front of Caitlin. We don’t want anyone looking up the ladies’ robes,” Matt suggested.
So let's not have Randy living up to his name.
... sorry. Okay, no more Randy jokes. For now.
When they all reached the main level, Tony joined Amanda and gave her a kiss on the cheek before placing flowers on her wrist. “Amanda, you look dazzling tonight.”
She responded, “Thank you Tony. You’re looking quite handsome.” Amanda felt like she was about to melt.
We have some truly scintillating dialogue here that really gives us an insight into the characters. I don't think.
Tony looked again at Amanda and then noticed Jamie and Caitlin’s robes. “I think it’s lucky that Alex and I are both Beaters. We’ll probably have to spend the entire evening defending you three beautiful women.
Ah, Quidditch analogies for dating. They'd already been done to death even by the time Hogwarts Exposed was written, though they can be amusing in the hands of a good writer.
As they walked through the open doors of the Great Hall they saw that the House tables had vanished; instead, there were about thirty smaller, lantern-lit ones, each capable of seating about a dozen people. The walls of the Hall had all been covered in sparking silver frost, with hundreds of garlands of mistletoe and ivy crossing the starry black ceiling.
As they walked by one table, a group of first years called to Caitlin, Matt and Randy to join them. Caitlin looked at Jamie as if in search of permission. “Go ahead and join your friends. You don’t want to spend your entire evening with us old fogies. Caitlin, don’t forget the charm.” Jamie smiled as Caitlin and her two escorts joined their friends. Then she glanced at Amanda. “Next year, I’ll have her and a real sister here.”
A surprisingly decent bit of scene setting here, aside of course from yet another mention of the Modesty Charm that isn't foreshadowing anything, honest. I think it's the most description we've had of anything so far, including the characters and their clothes.
They found an empty table and took seats just as a hushed murmur started to spread through the Hall. The intensity amplified
I'm not convinced about "amplified" as an intransitive verb. Yes, it's clear from context what the author means even if it's not strictly right per the dictionary. It still looks awkward.
and suddenly everyone sprang to his or her feet and started applauding. Jamie soon realized that the applause was for Professor Granger and Professor Potter who had just entered the Hall with Professor Weasley and Samantha Bowman. Most of the school had been on vacation when their engagement was announced.
As I pointed out before, insofar as we use "vacation" at all in EN-GB it tends to refer to going away rather than simply to time off school or work. Anyway, Ron begins his speech:
“September, twelve years ago I was a petrified first year student searching for a place to sit on the Hogwarts Express. I happened upon a compartment occupied by a solitary boy; a boy with broken glasses, unruly hair and a scar on his forehead that my Mum had helped find track 8 ¾.
Yes, I'm sure we all remember how Harry first travelled to Hogwarts in the chapter entitled "The Journey from Platform Eight and Three Quarters".
“The three of us had a truly special friendship, but for Harry and Hermione it’s always been more than friendship. You’d think that two people that could figure out how to defeat Lord Voldemort, could figure out they loved each other. Especially when one of them is the smartest witch alive.
Which we've seen no evidence of thus far. The author acknowledges that Hermione was instrumental in Voldemort's defeat and that she's regarded as the greatest witch in the world, yet she's shown no sign of her awesome kick-ass canon self, instead acting like a slave to the whims of Harry and Caitlin with no initiative of her own. Canon!Hermione wouldn't have sat around meekly waiting for Harry to ask her to move in or marry her, nor would she have agreed to wear anything to the ball that she was uncomfortable with, and she'd have found some way of dealing with pervert!Neville in Chapter 12 as soon as she felt threatened by his behaviour.
“But no, it took them twelve long years till they finally figured it out. I know these two too well. When they get married it will be a quiet affair and I won’t get to make any speeches. They also probably won’t have a reception and get to dance a first dance as a husband and wife.
This, however, is as in character as we're ever going to get in Hogwarts Exposed.
“He hasn’t changed much. The hair is still messy and he still has a scar, but at least he has new glasses. She’s changed a lot; quite a lot.
Far too much.
On cue The Weird Sisters started playing a slow number as the students applauded for their favorite Professors to lead off the first dance. Hermione looked into Harry eyes, “We don’t have a choice sweetheart.”
Harry smiled at Hermione. “Yes we do. I choose to love you more and more everyday of my life. May I have this dance, my bride to be?” Harry took her hand and led her onto the floor as the group played Lady in Red.
Chris de Burgh is huge in the wizarding world. What is it with this fanfic and sentences I never thought I'd type?
As Harry and Hermione took the floor, Tony commented to Alex, “I can’t believe that’s Professor Granger. I always thought she was attractive, but she’s so…”
“Hot! I think the word you’re looking for is hot. Potter is quite a lucky bloke,” Alex remarked.
The problem with this kind of dialogue... well, there isn't just one, but the main problem with this kind of dialogue is that it reads like a clumsy attempt to disguise telling as showing rather than actually showing us something.
Amanda jumped in. “Professor Granger isn’t doing so bad herself. Professor Potter has been on the top ten handsome bachelors list the last six years. Professor Malfoy and he usually fight it out for first place. They each have three firsts and three seconds. I guess it ends in a tie.”
Yay expospeak! Yay Trilogy!Draco! Unironic yay proper punctuation!
Jamie listened to her friends’ gossip as she watched Harry and Hermione dance. Yes, they were an attractive couple, but their love went far beyond physical attributes. Their love was based on friendship and compassion. Harry fell in love with Hermione long before she transformed into the lovely swan she is today and she loved him before he grew into a handsome wizard. The kind of love they have will never die because of a few wrinkles or unwanted pounds.
Somebody set up us the glurge!
Jamie’s thoughts were interrupted by the voice of The Weird Sisters lead singer.
Who, thanks to the film, I picture as Jarvis Cocker. That certainly lends a surreal air to the proceedings, especially as I'm now imagining him doing a cover of Lady in Red.
Sam dragged Ron onto the dance floor as Jamie coaxed a hesitant Alex. Meanwhile, Caitlin was torn as to whether to dance with Matt or Randy until Matt dejectedly spoke, “Randy and I had decided that since you were here with both of us tonight, we would alternate dances. He won the toss, so he gets the first dance.”
“No! This isn’t the first dance; it’s a special dance. You’re both special to me? I’m either dancing with both of you or not dancing at all.”
“You realize that we’re going to look ridiculous?" Randy questioned.
“And that everyone will laugh at us?” Matt added.
“So, are we going to do it or not?” Caitlin asked.
“Of course!” Both boys responded as they each grabbed a hand and led Caitlin on to the floor.
We don't actually see this dance or anyone's reactions to it so we've no idea whether it looked ridiculous or anyone laughed. It just serves to show us what a beacon of Sue-like magnanimity Caitlin is, which I guess is a step up from telling us.
Nothing makes a girl feel more like a princess than attending a ball with her prince. Amanda was having the most enjoyable evening of her life. No one had ever treated her like Tony. He literally made her feel like a princess. They had danced most of the night and when they weren’t dancing he only talked about her and how he wished he had asked her out sooner.
Because all girls want a date who only witters on about how he should have asked her out sooner rather than making proper conversation!
Caitlin felt like the belle of the ball. All the Gryffindor first year boys asked her to dance at least once, as did both a second and third year boy. Even Alex and Tony asked her to dance. With the help of Jamie, she even remembered to recharm her robes thus avoiding the wrath of her mother.
The author's written himself into a Morton's fork situation with his heavy-handed foreshadowing about the Modesty Charm. Either it'd have failed at some point and been a massive anticlimax (see Ginny's dress) or, as we see here, come to nothing and so been completely pointless anyway.
If Caitlin felt like the belle of the ball, imagine how Jamie felt. She hadn’t sat out one dance. Even Professor Weasley and Harry had asked her to dance. She had danced a slow number with Harry and felt like she was going to melt when he wrapped his arm around her bareback. Jamie realized that Harry and she were never intended to be lovers.
Isn't there a contradiction here?
She was glad that he hadn’t taken advantage of a foolish girl. Yet, she felt a strong connection to Harry, much more than a teacher-student bond. She felt that somehow they would become closer.
... speaking of heavy-handed foreshadowing.
Hermione had her prince. Life was good; life was terrific. She had a profession she venerated, an adopted daughter that she cherished, a soon to be husband that she adored and if early indications were correct perchance a child on the way.
She hadn’t told Harry yet because it was too soon. She hadn’t even missed a menstrual period yet; that was due Monday, but she had been experiencing a sensation of nausea for the last week.
This is the first hint we've had that they're trying for a baby. I say trying, because I tend to assume that magical contraception is failsafe because there's no reason why it shouldn't be.
Hermione noticed Caitlin was taking a break and had glanced in her direction. Hermione pulled on her ear lobe. Caitlin smiled and pulled on hers.
Ah yes, the dumbass signal. I thought the author had forgotten it.
Ron blushed, “If you ladies will excuse me for just a moment, I have to see a man about a horse.”
Hermione looked at Sam irritated, “Why can’t a man just say he has to take a pee or whatever? Why do they insist on using silly phrases that mean nothing?”
Sam laughed, “I don’t know. Ron’s the same way with sex. He has yet to say ‘let's have sex’ or ‘let's make love’. He always says something corny like roll in the hay or go bowling.”
I don't know. I could imagine Ron being this awkward, but I could just as easily see him being utterly blunt and talk about shagging. That said, I don't think anyone says "roll in the hay" unironically or "go bowling" at all.
Hermione blushed a deep red, “Harry never asks. He knows it isn’t necessary. I’d make love to him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week if we were physically able.”
But of course he has to initiate it! I hate this fucking fic.
Out of the blue Hermione said, “Do you think the two of you will ever get married?”
Sam shook her head, “All he has to do is ask. I know he loves me, and he loves Timmy, too. You should see them together. It’s the whole werewolf thing. He thinks that he is some kind of monster and that he would be ruining both Timmy life and my own. He doesn’t understand that it doesn’t matter. I love him.”
Well, she could ask. That said, it might not be in character for her like it blatantly is for Hermione.
Suddenly Hermione turned ghastly white. “Are you alright, Hermione? You look sick.”
This reads as though Hermione turns white then talks to herself.
“I’m unexpectedly feeling a little nauseous.
Almost as nauseous as the fic.
Sam watched as Hermione headed to the terrace doors. Just before she reached them, a young boy handed her a small box. She took the box and proceeded out the door.
Samantha stood by herself only a few moments before Ron returned. “Where’s Hermione?”
Sam answered, “She stepped outside for a few moments. Had a sudden feeling of nausea. I wouldn’t want to start any rumors but the way she looked reminded me of my first couple of months carrying Timmy.”
What a very convenient insight.
As soon as Harry was within conversational distance, he inquired as to Hermione’s whereabouts. Ron and Sam told him she had stepped outside for a moment and then after indicating the door through which she had exited; they went off to dance.
Both of them at once?
Harry had only exited the hall when the girls caught up to him. “Is something wrong Dad? Where’s Mum?" Caitlin asked.
“Everything’s fine. Your mum just stepped out for a moment. She was feeling slightly queasy. You girls will catch your death out here dressed the way you are. Go back inside. I’ll locate her.”
Jamie had a sudden uneasy feeling in her stomach.
And again. Convention of the psychics indeed.
Caitlin and her exchanged glances before Jamie said, “We’re not cold. Let us help you locate her.”
Caitlin and her what?
Harry turned and ran toward the sound of Jamie’s voice. He ran past the point where they had exited the Great Hall, but when he got to the corner of the terrace, he just stopped and looked in disbelief and dismay. In front of him stood Caitlin and Jamie, both with tears flowing down their cheeks.
Their standard reaction to any plot complication. At least their characterisation is consistent.
Jamie was holding the sheath containing Hermione’s wand in her left hand. In her right hand she clutched a tiny pair of red knickers and Hermione’s red dress. Caitlin was kneeling next to her mum’s shoes and a small box. In one hand she held a necklace and a pair of earrings. With the other hand she had just picked up her mum’s engagement ring.
Hermione Granger had vanished.
Canon!Hermione has entered the fic and deleted her impostor for making her look bad.
WARNING: The next few chapters are quite intense and graphic. Read at your own risk.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Continued...
“Randy, walk down the stairs in front of Jamie. I’ll walk in front of Caitlin. We don’t want anyone looking up the ladies’ robes,” Matt suggested.
So let's not have Randy living up to his name.
... sorry. Okay, no more Randy jokes. For now.
When they all reached the main level, Tony joined Amanda and gave her a kiss on the cheek before placing flowers on her wrist. “Amanda, you look dazzling tonight.”
She responded, “Thank you Tony. You’re looking quite handsome.” Amanda felt like she was about to melt.
We have some truly scintillating dialogue here that really gives us an insight into the characters. I don't think.
Tony looked again at Amanda and then noticed Jamie and Caitlin’s robes. “I think it’s lucky that Alex and I are both Beaters. We’ll probably have to spend the entire evening defending you three beautiful women.
Ah, Quidditch analogies for dating. They'd already been done to death even by the time Hogwarts Exposed was written, though they can be amusing in the hands of a good writer.
As they walked through the open doors of the Great Hall they saw that the House tables had vanished; instead, there were about thirty smaller, lantern-lit ones, each capable of seating about a dozen people. The walls of the Hall had all been covered in sparking silver frost, with hundreds of garlands of mistletoe and ivy crossing the starry black ceiling.
As they walked by one table, a group of first years called to Caitlin, Matt and Randy to join them. Caitlin looked at Jamie as if in search of permission. “Go ahead and join your friends. You don’t want to spend your entire evening with us old fogies. Caitlin, don’t forget the charm.” Jamie smiled as Caitlin and her two escorts joined their friends. Then she glanced at Amanda. “Next year, I’ll have her and a real sister here.”
A surprisingly decent bit of scene setting here, aside of course from yet another mention of the Modesty Charm that isn't foreshadowing anything, honest. I think it's the most description we've had of anything so far, including the characters and their clothes.
They found an empty table and took seats just as a hushed murmur started to spread through the Hall. The intensity amplified
I'm not convinced about "amplified" as an intransitive verb. Yes, it's clear from context what the author means even if it's not strictly right per the dictionary. It still looks awkward.
and suddenly everyone sprang to his or her feet and started applauding. Jamie soon realized that the applause was for Professor Granger and Professor Potter who had just entered the Hall with Professor Weasley and Samantha Bowman. Most of the school had been on vacation when their engagement was announced.
As I pointed out before, insofar as we use "vacation" at all in EN-GB it tends to refer to going away rather than simply to time off school or work. Anyway, Ron begins his speech:
“September, twelve years ago I was a petrified first year student searching for a place to sit on the Hogwarts Express. I happened upon a compartment occupied by a solitary boy; a boy with broken glasses, unruly hair and a scar on his forehead that my Mum had helped find track 8 ¾.
Yes, I'm sure we all remember how Harry first travelled to Hogwarts in the chapter entitled "The Journey from Platform Eight and Three Quarters".
“The three of us had a truly special friendship, but for Harry and Hermione it’s always been more than friendship. You’d think that two people that could figure out how to defeat Lord Voldemort, could figure out they loved each other. Especially when one of them is the smartest witch alive.
Which we've seen no evidence of thus far. The author acknowledges that Hermione was instrumental in Voldemort's defeat and that she's regarded as the greatest witch in the world, yet she's shown no sign of her awesome kick-ass canon self, instead acting like a slave to the whims of Harry and Caitlin with no initiative of her own. Canon!Hermione wouldn't have sat around meekly waiting for Harry to ask her to move in or marry her, nor would she have agreed to wear anything to the ball that she was uncomfortable with, and she'd have found some way of dealing with pervert!Neville in Chapter 12 as soon as she felt threatened by his behaviour.
“But no, it took them twelve long years till they finally figured it out. I know these two too well. When they get married it will be a quiet affair and I won’t get to make any speeches. They also probably won’t have a reception and get to dance a first dance as a husband and wife.
This, however, is as in character as we're ever going to get in Hogwarts Exposed.
“He hasn’t changed much. The hair is still messy and he still has a scar, but at least he has new glasses. She’s changed a lot; quite a lot.
Far too much.
On cue The Weird Sisters started playing a slow number as the students applauded for their favorite Professors to lead off the first dance. Hermione looked into Harry eyes, “We don’t have a choice sweetheart.”
Harry smiled at Hermione. “Yes we do. I choose to love you more and more everyday of my life. May I have this dance, my bride to be?” Harry took her hand and led her onto the floor as the group played Lady in Red.
Chris de Burgh is huge in the wizarding world. What is it with this fanfic and sentences I never thought I'd type?
As Harry and Hermione took the floor, Tony commented to Alex, “I can’t believe that’s Professor Granger. I always thought she was attractive, but she’s so…”
“Hot! I think the word you’re looking for is hot. Potter is quite a lucky bloke,” Alex remarked.
The problem with this kind of dialogue... well, there isn't just one, but the main problem with this kind of dialogue is that it reads like a clumsy attempt to disguise telling as showing rather than actually showing us something.
Amanda jumped in. “Professor Granger isn’t doing so bad herself. Professor Potter has been on the top ten handsome bachelors list the last six years. Professor Malfoy and he usually fight it out for first place. They each have three firsts and three seconds. I guess it ends in a tie.”
Yay expospeak! Yay Trilogy!Draco! Unironic yay proper punctuation!
Jamie listened to her friends’ gossip as she watched Harry and Hermione dance. Yes, they were an attractive couple, but their love went far beyond physical attributes. Their love was based on friendship and compassion. Harry fell in love with Hermione long before she transformed into the lovely swan she is today and she loved him before he grew into a handsome wizard. The kind of love they have will never die because of a few wrinkles or unwanted pounds.
Somebody set up us the glurge!
Jamie’s thoughts were interrupted by the voice of The Weird Sisters lead singer.
Who, thanks to the film, I picture as Jarvis Cocker. That certainly lends a surreal air to the proceedings, especially as I'm now imagining him doing a cover of Lady in Red.
Sam dragged Ron onto the dance floor as Jamie coaxed a hesitant Alex. Meanwhile, Caitlin was torn as to whether to dance with Matt or Randy until Matt dejectedly spoke, “Randy and I had decided that since you were here with both of us tonight, we would alternate dances. He won the toss, so he gets the first dance.”
“No! This isn’t the first dance; it’s a special dance. You’re both special to me? I’m either dancing with both of you or not dancing at all.”
“You realize that we’re going to look ridiculous?" Randy questioned.
“And that everyone will laugh at us?” Matt added.
“So, are we going to do it or not?” Caitlin asked.
“Of course!” Both boys responded as they each grabbed a hand and led Caitlin on to the floor.
We don't actually see this dance or anyone's reactions to it so we've no idea whether it looked ridiculous or anyone laughed. It just serves to show us what a beacon of Sue-like magnanimity Caitlin is, which I guess is a step up from telling us.
Nothing makes a girl feel more like a princess than attending a ball with her prince. Amanda was having the most enjoyable evening of her life. No one had ever treated her like Tony. He literally made her feel like a princess. They had danced most of the night and when they weren’t dancing he only talked about her and how he wished he had asked her out sooner.
Because all girls want a date who only witters on about how he should have asked her out sooner rather than making proper conversation!
Caitlin felt like the belle of the ball. All the Gryffindor first year boys asked her to dance at least once, as did both a second and third year boy. Even Alex and Tony asked her to dance. With the help of Jamie, she even remembered to recharm her robes thus avoiding the wrath of her mother.
The author's written himself into a Morton's fork situation with his heavy-handed foreshadowing about the Modesty Charm. Either it'd have failed at some point and been a massive anticlimax (see Ginny's dress) or, as we see here, come to nothing and so been completely pointless anyway.
If Caitlin felt like the belle of the ball, imagine how Jamie felt. She hadn’t sat out one dance. Even Professor Weasley and Harry had asked her to dance. She had danced a slow number with Harry and felt like she was going to melt when he wrapped his arm around her bareback. Jamie realized that Harry and she were never intended to be lovers.
Isn't there a contradiction here?
She was glad that he hadn’t taken advantage of a foolish girl. Yet, she felt a strong connection to Harry, much more than a teacher-student bond. She felt that somehow they would become closer.
... speaking of heavy-handed foreshadowing.
Hermione had her prince. Life was good; life was terrific. She had a profession she venerated, an adopted daughter that she cherished, a soon to be husband that she adored and if early indications were correct perchance a child on the way.
She hadn’t told Harry yet because it was too soon. She hadn’t even missed a menstrual period yet; that was due Monday, but she had been experiencing a sensation of nausea for the last week.
This is the first hint we've had that they're trying for a baby. I say trying, because I tend to assume that magical contraception is failsafe because there's no reason why it shouldn't be.
Hermione noticed Caitlin was taking a break and had glanced in her direction. Hermione pulled on her ear lobe. Caitlin smiled and pulled on hers.
Ah yes, the dumbass signal. I thought the author had forgotten it.
Ron blushed, “If you ladies will excuse me for just a moment, I have to see a man about a horse.”
Hermione looked at Sam irritated, “Why can’t a man just say he has to take a pee or whatever? Why do they insist on using silly phrases that mean nothing?”
Sam laughed, “I don’t know. Ron’s the same way with sex. He has yet to say ‘let's have sex’ or ‘let's make love’. He always says something corny like roll in the hay or go bowling.”
I don't know. I could imagine Ron being this awkward, but I could just as easily see him being utterly blunt and talk about shagging. That said, I don't think anyone says "roll in the hay" unironically or "go bowling" at all.
Hermione blushed a deep red, “Harry never asks. He knows it isn’t necessary. I’d make love to him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week if we were physically able.”
But of course he has to initiate it! I hate this fucking fic.
Out of the blue Hermione said, “Do you think the two of you will ever get married?”
Sam shook her head, “All he has to do is ask. I know he loves me, and he loves Timmy, too. You should see them together. It’s the whole werewolf thing. He thinks that he is some kind of monster and that he would be ruining both Timmy life and my own. He doesn’t understand that it doesn’t matter. I love him.”
Well, she could ask. That said, it might not be in character for her like it blatantly is for Hermione.
Suddenly Hermione turned ghastly white. “Are you alright, Hermione? You look sick.”
This reads as though Hermione turns white then talks to herself.
“I’m unexpectedly feeling a little nauseous.
Almost as nauseous as the fic.
Sam watched as Hermione headed to the terrace doors. Just before she reached them, a young boy handed her a small box. She took the box and proceeded out the door.
Samantha stood by herself only a few moments before Ron returned. “Where’s Hermione?”
Sam answered, “She stepped outside for a few moments. Had a sudden feeling of nausea. I wouldn’t want to start any rumors but the way she looked reminded me of my first couple of months carrying Timmy.”
What a very convenient insight.
As soon as Harry was within conversational distance, he inquired as to Hermione’s whereabouts. Ron and Sam told him she had stepped outside for a moment and then after indicating the door through which she had exited; they went off to dance.
Both of them at once?
Harry had only exited the hall when the girls caught up to him. “Is something wrong Dad? Where’s Mum?" Caitlin asked.
“Everything’s fine. Your mum just stepped out for a moment. She was feeling slightly queasy. You girls will catch your death out here dressed the way you are. Go back inside. I’ll locate her.”
Jamie had a sudden uneasy feeling in her stomach.
And again. Convention of the psychics indeed.
Caitlin and her exchanged glances before Jamie said, “We’re not cold. Let us help you locate her.”
Caitlin and her what?
Harry turned and ran toward the sound of Jamie’s voice. He ran past the point where they had exited the Great Hall, but when he got to the corner of the terrace, he just stopped and looked in disbelief and dismay. In front of him stood Caitlin and Jamie, both with tears flowing down their cheeks.
Their standard reaction to any plot complication. At least their characterisation is consistent.
Jamie was holding the sheath containing Hermione’s wand in her left hand. In her right hand she clutched a tiny pair of red knickers and Hermione’s red dress. Caitlin was kneeling next to her mum’s shoes and a small box. In one hand she held a necklace and a pair of earrings. With the other hand she had just picked up her mum’s engagement ring.
Hermione Granger had vanished.
Canon!Hermione has entered the fic and deleted her impostor for making her look bad.
WARNING: The next few chapters are quite intense and graphic. Read at your own risk.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Continued...