Deserving Chapter 50
It's a funny thing, isn't it? I have a few vague ideas of where I want to take these sporkings, just how to follow something like this... and then before I can decide, guess what appears. I CAN'T ESCAPE THIS FIC. Happy half-century, everyone.
Neville was attempting to control the wizards and witches in his cave that were anxious to see their children get their magic. Neville had explained that all the children had their magic. They had simply been given muggle medicine to stifle their magic. He explained that Madam Pomfrey had been giving out this same exact antidote for decades. But this did not change the fact that the witches and wizards in the cave were shoving and trying to get into the curtained rooms where Severus and Poppy were administrating the antidote.
The current state of play is that it's been determined that Muggle medicine interferes with people's magical power, which isn't a bad idea aside from raising the question of how uncontrolled magic ever manages to manifest itself in the Muggle world. To this end, Madam Pomfrey administers a potion to new Hogwarts students that never got mentioned in canon. The idea of Muggle technology affecting the wizarding world in the same way as Hogwarts (and by implication magic in general) messes with Muggle technology is quite a popular piece of fanon.
Harry looked at him and understood. His husband had driven himself to the blinks of madness trying to give the children back magic that they had never lost in the first place.
I know how he feels. I like to think that the "blinks of madness", rather than simply wrongworddammit fodder, are when you blink upon reading something that's about to drive you mad.
It all made sense now.
I wish.
This is why Single wanted to outlaw the children of the Marked Ones from going to Hogwarts. He knew that even when their magic was not apparent the Castle would not be fooled. He had not counted on the fact that the Castel had a mind of its own.
So basically Single is now a completely ineffectual villain. He can't go against the will of Hogwarts, and Harry can pwn him any day of the week.
When they got home Sly, Millicent and baby… that is Matthew were waiting for them.
“Is it really that easy?” asked Sly in haste.
That was the first thing he said?
“What happens now?” asked Sly turning to Harry.
“I get everything ready for Serena’s second birthday. You are coming; right? It is next Sunday.”
Wait, what? When was her first?
“NO ONE is going to penetrate my security charms,” said Harry trying not to lose his temper.
In the context of this fic, the word "penetrate" makes me giggle far more than it should.
Sly and Millicent still did not looked convinced.
“Would I put you guy’s life in danger?” he said approaching Millicent for her support.
She looked at him and then looked at Severus. Severus and her eyes locked. Harry felt that they were having a private conversation but to the best of his knowledge neither of them was capable of this feat.
In this fic they are. What happened to Millicent's not-at-all-Sueish prescience, anyway?
“Forgive me, Sir, but I do not understand why we have to delay my third pregnancy,” said Severus from the bench in front of the mirror in their bedroom.
Because then the author might have to finish.
“Sir? Harry? Are you paying any attention to my words?” Severus looked at Harry through the mirror and could see Harry’s eyes claiming stake on Severus. He loved the feeling.
“I am sorry Severus, but I tend to tune out when you question my judgment,” said Harry walking to the armoire.
Meow!
“Sir, I do not wish to be a nuisance, but you did promise I would carry three offspring in my womb.”
In his what the fuck now? (And does he point it?) Once again, how exactly does mpreg work in this fic?
Severus knew that it was a mute point. “Will you be plugging me, sir?” he asked through the mirror.
Where's the character development? I thought we'd gone past the whole "Severus calls Harry 'sir'" thing already, but we'll see that things aren't quite that simple.
Harry shook his head as he walked towards Severus. He helped his husband up and into his arms. He kissed Severus’ nose and smile. “No, I have something better in mind. Something that I hope will satisfy your need,” he said as he sat Severus on the bed.
Buggery! For once not:
Severus had no idea what Harry was up to, but it always made him uncomfortable to know that his husband had bothered to do something for him. That was after all Severus’ job. He was pulled from his thought when he saw Harry pull out a little jewelry box from his pocket. He immediately felt his body go rigid.
Oo-er!
Harry held out the small velvet box and began to explain: “You know how you would like something that told the world that you are mine and that I am proud to have you as my own?”
Severus looked blankly at him.
“And well the whole plug thing doesn’t work because unlike Amador no one can tell when you have it in.”
Once again, a centaur with a cork up his bum doesn't make for the most profound image ever.
“And I already explained why I can’t do the collar thing like Draco and Kings.”
More's the pity. Fucking Chapter 48.
Harry looked into Severus’ eyes but he could not read his expression. He could only hope he was not muddling up things.
“So… I thought this would be the perfect thing. People will know that it means that you belong to me and this is something that won’t hurt either of us. At least I don’t think it will,” said Harry a bit unsure of himself as he opened the little box.
[snippety]
“It’s a wedding band,” he said stating the obvious.
“Yes, sir, I can see that, but my question is why?”
Harry shrugged. “I never gave you one.”
I kind of assumed that he had, considering they got married twice, but maybe we as readers wouldn't have been blindsided by the fact that they hadn't exchanged rings if either wedding had been shown. And considering that if he's looking at a way of showing the world that they're involved, it makes a lot more sense than a collar or a strategically inserted cork. Though it might be my mistake thinking that making sense is in any way a goal of the author.
Harry looked up at him and let a puff of air rumble his bangs. “You know, sometimes I think we have made so much progress then you go and say a stupid thing like this and I feel we are back to square one. So what does it take Severus Snape? What does it take to make you a worthy person? Because obviously saving all your little snakes. Giving them back their magic. Saving them from sure death. None of it seems to be good enough reasons for you. So PLEASE tell me, what does it take?” standing up and walking towards the mirror in frustration. He picked up the brush that Severus had been using. “You are your worst judge. I know of no one that deserves a symbol of decency more than you do.”
I'm not sure a wedding ring is a symbol of decency so much as a symbol of a bond between two people, but what do I know?
Serena came in with a great big smile on her face and ran to Dada’s arms.
Now which of them is Dada? I can only assume that she calls them the same as Richard does, especially as it looked as though the author was about to recycle his "learning to talk" plot before she thought better of it.
Serena wiggle herself out of Harry’s arms and walking towards the door began to call her big brother Richard. Richard was sure to know what was going on.
I'm no child psychologist, but I think this level of abstract reasoning is a bit too much for a two-year-old.
Harry and Severus heard as Richard reassured his sister that their parents did know that it was her birthday and that they had loads of surprises installed for her. When he noticed his dads looking at them he decided to make sure: “Right?”
If you're going to go with the whole Dada/Papa thing, at least be consistent.
Harry had gotten her a baby doll that cried when you laid her down. Serena didn’t like the fact that her baby doll was crying and decided to remedy the situation. The doll never cried again. Harry did not understand what had happened and wanted to take the doll back and get her a working one.
This is, of course, to show us what a magically adept Sue she is. Again. And not for the last time this chapter.
“Serena, did you make the doll stop crying?” asked Severus.
“No cry,” she said with glee.
“Hold on there,” said Kings grabbing two of the brooms away from the boys as Sly took the other one. “No flying at this birthday party. I am sure there will be plenty other things to do,” he said to the boys intimidating them with his height and voice.
I don't think Kingsley has to bully the children in order to get them to obey him, but with Deserving!Kingsley you never know. POTTERRR!
Soon Hermione and Ron where there with Hugo who decided that if they could not use the broom they should play a game laser tag. He explained that in muggle world you used pretend guns but they could use their play wands.
I can accept Hugo knowing about the Muggle world and technology from Hermione's side of the family, but how many kids that age play laser tag?
But Serena wanted to play with her brother now and she knew just how to get him. He loved to fly on the brooms so she looked at the shed and closed her eyes.
“No! Papa doesn’t want us to use the brooms. We will get in loads of trouble. Serena, please be reasonable. Go with the grownups. They love making a fuss over you. Go on go,” he said as he ran to catch up with the others.
If Serena is two then Richard is four, yet he talks like this.
Serena tried to run after him but he was way too fast for her. So she closed her eyes and scrunched up her face and right there and then and before everyone’s eyes she turned into a fawn.
Harry saw Severus turn pale and followed his line of vision to see what had drained the blood out of his husband. He could not believe it. His Serena. His little girl was an animagi!
She's a Mary Sue is what she is. And one of the worst cases I've ever seen. If she's messing with broomsticks and becoming an Animagus at age two, she'll probably destroy the world before she ever enters Hogwarts.
“Harry,” said Hermione being the first to break the silence. “Harry, this is not good. This is not good at all.”
“I am afraid Mrs. Weasley is correct, Mr. Potter. This is nothing to celebrate,” said Poppy just as gloomily as Hermione.
Witness Madam Pomfrey being kind and supportive and everything she should have been but hasn't for the previous 49 chapters.
“Mr. Potter, what you fail to understand is that there are very few wizard that are born animagi,” interjected Minerva.
“But I know for a fact that you are one of those rear cases,” interrupted Harry.
Well, there's plenty of rear cases in this fic. Minerva also seems to have renounced the Dark Side™, which is something. Regarding the dialogue tags, at least "interjected" is used for an actual interjection, even though the fact that this is what it is makes the tag redundant. I'm less sure about Harry interrupting her at the end of a sentence.
“Yes, Mr. Potter, I am but my abilities did not manifest themselves until I was an adolescent.
But of course Serena-Sue is so much better than Minerva McGonagall, who's only one of the most powerful witches in the Potterverse.
Harry caught Severus dropping his head in shame.
For what? That seems to be his default reaction to anything at all that happens in this fic.
“This is all nonsense. So we simply don’t let the Ministry know until she is older,” said Harry wanting to bring the festivities back to what they should be.
“Mate, this is getting out of hand. You are really going to have to keep Serena inside the house. You saw what they did to Kings…”
“NO! I will not hide my daughter or keep her as a prisoner in her own home. I will not do it. Let the Ministry try to come near my family.”
Single needs to do something drastic to re-establish himself as a credible threat, because as things stand this isn't a cliffhanger.
As a footnote, this update is accompanied by a vitriolic review from the former beta. Now normally I'd stay away from such drama as being irrelevant to the actual story, but when even as a reader I couldn't help but notice a tug of war going on between the author and the beta I feel it sheds some light on that situation:
Huh, still not done? Well thanks so much for the unending revisions that keep circling the nail but never actually hit it, that keep inflating an already overinflated work, for pushing characters to the brink for no reason,* the being so sorry to your readers that after weeks of not sending me anything, i couldn't get back to you within 24 hours and then dropping me without telling me because I dared to voice that i thought something was unneeded. You certainly know how to treat your betas. Good luck to the person you work with next time.
* Gentle readers, this is a conversation I've had to have more than once:
[snip discussion of the I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK potion]
So whatever pros and cons of this story (and good for you those who like the story, and were faithful even at its middle section), trust me, it was much worst in rough draft. Be warned though: don't work with MotS. She's an ungrateful writer.
o_0 Though despite all this, the last few chapters seem to be an author's saving throw against the entire I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK saga with Harry practically worshipping Severus' "manhood". I can't help wondering if there's a new uncredited beta, or else the author is reading this (if so, hi!) or the four-month gap was spent perfecting her writing, because Chapter 50 has passed with noticeably fewer of the usual issues. The epithet use is reasonable, even the dreaded "Dada", as are the dialogue tags with the few exceptions I pointed out above. The POV is still about as stable as a pencil balanced on its point, but you can't have everything.
Continued...
Neville was attempting to control the wizards and witches in his cave that were anxious to see their children get their magic. Neville had explained that all the children had their magic. They had simply been given muggle medicine to stifle their magic. He explained that Madam Pomfrey had been giving out this same exact antidote for decades. But this did not change the fact that the witches and wizards in the cave were shoving and trying to get into the curtained rooms where Severus and Poppy were administrating the antidote.
The current state of play is that it's been determined that Muggle medicine interferes with people's magical power, which isn't a bad idea aside from raising the question of how uncontrolled magic ever manages to manifest itself in the Muggle world. To this end, Madam Pomfrey administers a potion to new Hogwarts students that never got mentioned in canon. The idea of Muggle technology affecting the wizarding world in the same way as Hogwarts (and by implication magic in general) messes with Muggle technology is quite a popular piece of fanon.
Harry looked at him and understood. His husband had driven himself to the blinks of madness trying to give the children back magic that they had never lost in the first place.
I know how he feels. I like to think that the "blinks of madness", rather than simply wrongworddammit fodder, are when you blink upon reading something that's about to drive you mad.
It all made sense now.
I wish.
This is why Single wanted to outlaw the children of the Marked Ones from going to Hogwarts. He knew that even when their magic was not apparent the Castle would not be fooled. He had not counted on the fact that the Castel had a mind of its own.
So basically Single is now a completely ineffectual villain. He can't go against the will of Hogwarts, and Harry can pwn him any day of the week.
When they got home Sly, Millicent and baby… that is Matthew were waiting for them.
“Is it really that easy?” asked Sly in haste.
That was the first thing he said?
“What happens now?” asked Sly turning to Harry.
“I get everything ready for Serena’s second birthday. You are coming; right? It is next Sunday.”
Wait, what? When was her first?
“NO ONE is going to penetrate my security charms,” said Harry trying not to lose his temper.
In the context of this fic, the word "penetrate" makes me giggle far more than it should.
Sly and Millicent still did not looked convinced.
“Would I put you guy’s life in danger?” he said approaching Millicent for her support.
She looked at him and then looked at Severus. Severus and her eyes locked. Harry felt that they were having a private conversation but to the best of his knowledge neither of them was capable of this feat.
In this fic they are. What happened to Millicent's not-at-all-Sueish prescience, anyway?
“Forgive me, Sir, but I do not understand why we have to delay my third pregnancy,” said Severus from the bench in front of the mirror in their bedroom.
Because then the author might have to finish.
“Sir? Harry? Are you paying any attention to my words?” Severus looked at Harry through the mirror and could see Harry’s eyes claiming stake on Severus. He loved the feeling.
“I am sorry Severus, but I tend to tune out when you question my judgment,” said Harry walking to the armoire.
Meow!
“Sir, I do not wish to be a nuisance, but you did promise I would carry three offspring in my womb.”
In his what the fuck now? (And does he point it?) Once again, how exactly does mpreg work in this fic?
Severus knew that it was a mute point. “Will you be plugging me, sir?” he asked through the mirror.
Where's the character development? I thought we'd gone past the whole "Severus calls Harry 'sir'" thing already, but we'll see that things aren't quite that simple.
Harry shook his head as he walked towards Severus. He helped his husband up and into his arms. He kissed Severus’ nose and smile. “No, I have something better in mind. Something that I hope will satisfy your need,” he said as he sat Severus on the bed.
Buggery! For once not:
Severus had no idea what Harry was up to, but it always made him uncomfortable to know that his husband had bothered to do something for him. That was after all Severus’ job. He was pulled from his thought when he saw Harry pull out a little jewelry box from his pocket. He immediately felt his body go rigid.
Oo-er!
Harry held out the small velvet box and began to explain: “You know how you would like something that told the world that you are mine and that I am proud to have you as my own?”
Severus looked blankly at him.
“And well the whole plug thing doesn’t work because unlike Amador no one can tell when you have it in.”
Once again, a centaur with a cork up his bum doesn't make for the most profound image ever.
“And I already explained why I can’t do the collar thing like Draco and Kings.”
More's the pity. Fucking Chapter 48.
Harry looked into Severus’ eyes but he could not read his expression. He could only hope he was not muddling up things.
“So… I thought this would be the perfect thing. People will know that it means that you belong to me and this is something that won’t hurt either of us. At least I don’t think it will,” said Harry a bit unsure of himself as he opened the little box.
[snippety]
“It’s a wedding band,” he said stating the obvious.
“Yes, sir, I can see that, but my question is why?”
Harry shrugged. “I never gave you one.”
I kind of assumed that he had, considering they got married twice, but maybe we as readers wouldn't have been blindsided by the fact that they hadn't exchanged rings if either wedding had been shown. And considering that if he's looking at a way of showing the world that they're involved, it makes a lot more sense than a collar or a strategically inserted cork. Though it might be my mistake thinking that making sense is in any way a goal of the author.
Harry looked up at him and let a puff of air rumble his bangs. “You know, sometimes I think we have made so much progress then you go and say a stupid thing like this and I feel we are back to square one. So what does it take Severus Snape? What does it take to make you a worthy person? Because obviously saving all your little snakes. Giving them back their magic. Saving them from sure death. None of it seems to be good enough reasons for you. So PLEASE tell me, what does it take?” standing up and walking towards the mirror in frustration. He picked up the brush that Severus had been using. “You are your worst judge. I know of no one that deserves a symbol of decency more than you do.”
I'm not sure a wedding ring is a symbol of decency so much as a symbol of a bond between two people, but what do I know?
Serena came in with a great big smile on her face and ran to Dada’s arms.
Now which of them is Dada? I can only assume that she calls them the same as Richard does, especially as it looked as though the author was about to recycle his "learning to talk" plot before she thought better of it.
Serena wiggle herself out of Harry’s arms and walking towards the door began to call her big brother Richard. Richard was sure to know what was going on.
I'm no child psychologist, but I think this level of abstract reasoning is a bit too much for a two-year-old.
Harry and Severus heard as Richard reassured his sister that their parents did know that it was her birthday and that they had loads of surprises installed for her. When he noticed his dads looking at them he decided to make sure: “Right?”
If you're going to go with the whole Dada/Papa thing, at least be consistent.
Harry had gotten her a baby doll that cried when you laid her down. Serena didn’t like the fact that her baby doll was crying and decided to remedy the situation. The doll never cried again. Harry did not understand what had happened and wanted to take the doll back and get her a working one.
This is, of course, to show us what a magically adept Sue she is. Again. And not for the last time this chapter.
“Serena, did you make the doll stop crying?” asked Severus.
“No cry,” she said with glee.
Click to view“Hold on there,” said Kings grabbing two of the brooms away from the boys as Sly took the other one. “No flying at this birthday party. I am sure there will be plenty other things to do,” he said to the boys intimidating them with his height and voice.
I don't think Kingsley has to bully the children in order to get them to obey him, but with Deserving!Kingsley you never know. POTTERRR!
Soon Hermione and Ron where there with Hugo who decided that if they could not use the broom they should play a game laser tag. He explained that in muggle world you used pretend guns but they could use their play wands.
I can accept Hugo knowing about the Muggle world and technology from Hermione's side of the family, but how many kids that age play laser tag?
But Serena wanted to play with her brother now and she knew just how to get him. He loved to fly on the brooms so she looked at the shed and closed her eyes.
“No! Papa doesn’t want us to use the brooms. We will get in loads of trouble. Serena, please be reasonable. Go with the grownups. They love making a fuss over you. Go on go,” he said as he ran to catch up with the others.
If Serena is two then Richard is four, yet he talks like this.
Serena tried to run after him but he was way too fast for her. So she closed her eyes and scrunched up her face and right there and then and before everyone’s eyes she turned into a fawn.
Harry saw Severus turn pale and followed his line of vision to see what had drained the blood out of his husband. He could not believe it. His Serena. His little girl was an animagi!
She's a Mary Sue is what she is. And one of the worst cases I've ever seen. If she's messing with broomsticks and becoming an Animagus at age two, she'll probably destroy the world before she ever enters Hogwarts.
“Harry,” said Hermione being the first to break the silence. “Harry, this is not good. This is not good at all.”
“I am afraid Mrs. Weasley is correct, Mr. Potter. This is nothing to celebrate,” said Poppy just as gloomily as Hermione.
Witness Madam Pomfrey being kind and supportive and everything she should have been but hasn't for the previous 49 chapters.
“Mr. Potter, what you fail to understand is that there are very few wizard that are born animagi,” interjected Minerva.
“But I know for a fact that you are one of those rear cases,” interrupted Harry.
Well, there's plenty of rear cases in this fic. Minerva also seems to have renounced the Dark Side™, which is something. Regarding the dialogue tags, at least "interjected" is used for an actual interjection, even though the fact that this is what it is makes the tag redundant. I'm less sure about Harry interrupting her at the end of a sentence.
“Yes, Mr. Potter, I am but my abilities did not manifest themselves until I was an adolescent.
But of course Serena-Sue is so much better than Minerva McGonagall, who's only one of the most powerful witches in the Potterverse.
Harry caught Severus dropping his head in shame.
For what? That seems to be his default reaction to anything at all that happens in this fic.
“This is all nonsense. So we simply don’t let the Ministry know until she is older,” said Harry wanting to bring the festivities back to what they should be.
“Mate, this is getting out of hand. You are really going to have to keep Serena inside the house. You saw what they did to Kings…”
“NO! I will not hide my daughter or keep her as a prisoner in her own home. I will not do it. Let the Ministry try to come near my family.”
Single needs to do something drastic to re-establish himself as a credible threat, because as things stand this isn't a cliffhanger.
As a footnote, this update is accompanied by a vitriolic review from the former beta. Now normally I'd stay away from such drama as being irrelevant to the actual story, but when even as a reader I couldn't help but notice a tug of war going on between the author and the beta I feel it sheds some light on that situation:
Huh, still not done? Well thanks so much for the unending revisions that keep circling the nail but never actually hit it, that keep inflating an already overinflated work, for pushing characters to the brink for no reason,* the being so sorry to your readers that after weeks of not sending me anything, i couldn't get back to you within 24 hours and then dropping me without telling me because I dared to voice that i thought something was unneeded. You certainly know how to treat your betas. Good luck to the person you work with next time.
* Gentle readers, this is a conversation I've had to have more than once:
[snip discussion of the I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK potion]
So whatever pros and cons of this story (and good for you those who like the story, and were faithful even at its middle section), trust me, it was much worst in rough draft. Be warned though: don't work with MotS. She's an ungrateful writer.
o_0 Though despite all this, the last few chapters seem to be an author's saving throw against the entire I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK saga with Harry practically worshipping Severus' "manhood". I can't help wondering if there's a new uncredited beta, or else the author is reading this (if so, hi!) or the four-month gap was spent perfecting her writing, because Chapter 50 has passed with noticeably fewer of the usual issues. The epithet use is reasonable, even the dreaded "Dada", as are the dialogue tags with the few exceptions I pointed out above. The POV is still about as stable as a pencil balanced on its point, but you can't have everything.
Continued...