Deserving Chapter 29
Chapter 29 is very short, again by the writer's own admission, so I'm hoping to get 30 done later tonight or tomorrow. I initially intended it to be a double bill, but the author has managed to cram a lot of fail into not many words. By the way, triple-spacing your text so it looks longer doesn't work.
“Sir, may I ask that we go upstairs where you can cast a silencing spell.”
For whatever reason, the silencing spell seems to be the only one the author doesn't refer to by its incantation. Is it canon Muffliato or another one of her own invention?
Harry felt a hole in the pit of his stomach. He walked up to Snape and, taking him in his arms, aparated up to the bedroom.
It's amazing that the characters in this fic aren't all 200 kilos with how much they rely on Apparition.
Ron’s words came rushing into Harry’s mind. “You knew something would upset me, but you did it anyway?”
“That was not my rational at all. I had to weigh my options and took the one that would only affect me,” Snape tried to explain.
Harry took a deep calming breath. “Let’s try this from the beginning, what did you give her?”
Snape straightened up. “Money.”
Three guesses as to the source of the money. Anyway, it's so that the refugees can take their children to the park:
“Yes, Sir, [parks are free], but the treats sold there are not. I can remember plenty of times when my mum would take me to a park to get me away from him. I can remember seeing the other children with ice cream dripping down their hands and knowing it would hurt my mum if I asked for a treat she could not provide.”
Snape’s words dug deeply into Harry’s heart. He could remember similar incidents only his mum was not present.
This call-back to Harry and Severus' own upbringings actually does work.
“I told you I am not upset,” reassured Harry.
“It was my whoring money,” Snape confessed in a whisper.
OH NOES!
Harry felt as if someone had sucked the air out of the bedroom.
Explosive decompression! The End.
“What! Why! She is one of your snakes. Why would you humiliate her like that?” yelled Harry.
“There is no humiliation if she does not know where the money came from and I had nowhere else to obtain the money,” Snape tried to argue.
I don't see how Severus is meant to be the person in the wrong in this scene. He really does have a point.
“Nowhere else? I had Kreacher open a direct money bag from my Gringotts account and you are telling me you had nowhere else to take the money from,” said Harry, trying not to lose control.
Because losing control would be so OOC for Deserving!Harry, wielder of the ALLCAPS OF DOOM.
“I HAVE not accused you of such a thing,” countered Snape controlling his volume.
He clearly wasn't controlling his volume, because he lapsed into ALLCAPS OF DOOM himself.
Now it was Harry who hesitated. Snape didn’t know, did he?
“I think there is something you should know. You put into that account as much or more as I do.”
Severus looked at him with a puzzled look.
“You get a Headmaster’s pension and they placed all your life savings into my account. And let me tell you it was a hefty amount and there is also a deed of a house that you own and don’t forget the little treasure that Hogwarts sent you when we got married.”
Severus could not believe what he was hearing. He thought he had lost everything when he was made a Marked One. His savings, his property, his pension, they were all there.
And now he tells him.
“Snape, you might not believe me or understand, but your whoring money protects you.”
Severus did not understand, but life with Harry had taught him that ‘time’ had a way of explaining Harry’s actions.
She's actually going to do this, isn't she? The author is actually going to make the whoring money, the silliest of many silly things in this fic, into an important plot element.
“Snape, I want to make something clear. We have already established your punishment, remember, two more conceptions and birth without any help. That’s it, but it has to be enough not only for me, but for you too.”
Because one Gary Stu isn't enough for a badfic of this magnitude.
It was almost daybreak when they finally went to sleep and only after three hours of doing so Harry felt someone trying to pry his eyes open.
“Wake up, dada, we go up, up, up,” announced Richard, obviously wanting to go flying.
You reckon?
“Snape, your son is awake,” said Harry with closed eyes.
“Silly Dada, Papa cannot fly,” said Richard, giggling at his father’s absurd thought.
How old is this kid meant to be, exactly?
“Wake up, dada, wake up. Bring broom, zoom, zoom,” said Richard, handing his Dada his wand.
Okay, you know how I said in Chapter 27 about the line between cute and cutesy? Richard has just charged straight through it with the force of a jumbo jet on full thrust.
Harry covered his head in a vain attempt to continue his slumber. And it was then when Severus took pity of his husband and woke to take care of Richard. Getting up and picking Richard up to go change his nappy and feed him breakfast.
Apparently his hyper-accelerated learning doesn't extend to potty training.
The winter holidays had come and gone and it was a cold day in January when Harry came home and as always took Richard in his [Harry's] arms for a kiss and a hug, but when he [Harry] placed Richard back on the floor he [Harry or Richard?] had a bouquet of flowers in his [whose?] hands and took them over to his [Richard's by context] Papa.
Pronouns do not work that way!
Severus couldn’t understand how Harry had found out but one look at Millicent’s proud stance gave him the answer. Year after year his little snakes had insisted on celebrating his birthday. Dumbledore must have given the information to his first students and they made it a point to pass the information from year to year. Of course they only did it because it gave them a reason to stay up late and get extra treats from the elves.
His "little snakes" were perfect model students. You wouldn't catch anyone from Slytherin misbehaving.
Severus was puzzled by this.
This puzzled him.
“Cheers,” toasted Harry.
I don't have to say what's wrong with this, do I?
“They were from Richard. It is my job to teach him about these things.”
Isn't it a bit soon? I mean, I know he's a Stu and all but really.
Severus looked at the content fearing he had missed something then looked up at Harry who was still smiling.
“Well, obviously you can’t plant them outside in the middle of the winter, but you can
plant them in planters in the house. At least that is what Professor Coates said.”
“Professor Coates?” asked an even more confused Severus.
“Yea, apparently Professor Sprout is running for some post in the Ministry and therefore had to ask for asabbatical, but Minerva assured me that Coates is as competent as Sprout.”
This clumsy exposition won't be relevant later.
Well obviously this woman didn’t know that he had never had the need to plant because Sprout and Hagrid had always provided him with the necessary ingredients. And why was Harry giving him gifts that were for a Potions Master a title that he no longer possessed.
If he no longer possesses that title, and the author and all the characters recognise this fact, why is he referred to as "the Potions Master" in narration?
“Well, I figure now that you will be brewing again you will want to have some ingredients handy.”
Snape looked at him waiting for the punch line. It never came.
This entire fic is a punchline.
Severus bowed his head. He did not deserve this but he had to take it. He had to find a cure for Mathew and all the other little children that had been robbed of their magic.
[snip]
“Will I be able to work on a cure for the children?” asked Severus, shaking Harry to the core. He had forgotten about the children of the Marked Ones that had been denied their magic.
So had the author, considering how long it's been since she mentioned it. Months passed by with bugger all going on. There's no urgency to the plot; the events just form an orderly queue, and this:
He had just wanted to make Snape’s birthday as nice as Snape had made his.
is considered more important than restoring children's magic.
Severus realized he had acted in haste and sat down. They had a nice dinner and then chocolate cake with one candle in the middle. Harry made Snape make a wish but you didn’t have to be Trelawney to guess what he had wished for.
Trelawney is a Seer, not a Legilimens. Severus himself would have been a better comparison.
When Harry apparated them to the bedroom Snape rushed out of his hands but Harry caught him before he could escape.
“Snape, focus, you can start all the preparations tomorrow,” said Harry into Snape’s ear suggestively.
“Sir, I was going to the bathroom to tie myself. I was not expecting this and therefore I am unprepared.”
“I hate that you have
... a cock! The author does another merciful fade to black on this scene.
It was Easter Sunday
What? It was January last scene, now it's suddenly Easter and there's still no progress on helping the kids!
and Harry, Severus, Milly, Sly, Richard and Mathew were having dinner after a very exciting day for the children.
Very wonderfully described it was too. Sly collars Harry:
“Harry, you have been kind enough to take care of Millicent and Mathew for almost a year and for that I will always be grateful. Because of your care for them I think it is only just that I ask your permission to marry Millicent.”
And who didn't see this coming?
Continued...
“Sir, may I ask that we go upstairs where you can cast a silencing spell.”
For whatever reason, the silencing spell seems to be the only one the author doesn't refer to by its incantation. Is it canon Muffliato or another one of her own invention?
Harry felt a hole in the pit of his stomach. He walked up to Snape and, taking him in his arms, aparated up to the bedroom.
It's amazing that the characters in this fic aren't all 200 kilos with how much they rely on Apparition.
Ron’s words came rushing into Harry’s mind. “You knew something would upset me, but you did it anyway?”
“That was not my rational at all. I had to weigh my options and took the one that would only affect me,” Snape tried to explain.
Harry took a deep calming breath. “Let’s try this from the beginning, what did you give her?”
Snape straightened up. “Money.”
Three guesses as to the source of the money. Anyway, it's so that the refugees can take their children to the park:
“Yes, Sir, [parks are free], but the treats sold there are not. I can remember plenty of times when my mum would take me to a park to get me away from him. I can remember seeing the other children with ice cream dripping down their hands and knowing it would hurt my mum if I asked for a treat she could not provide.”
Snape’s words dug deeply into Harry’s heart. He could remember similar incidents only his mum was not present.
This call-back to Harry and Severus' own upbringings actually does work.
“I told you I am not upset,” reassured Harry.
“It was my whoring money,” Snape confessed in a whisper.
OH NOES!
Harry felt as if someone had sucked the air out of the bedroom.
Explosive decompression! The End.
“What! Why! She is one of your snakes. Why would you humiliate her like that?” yelled Harry.
“There is no humiliation if she does not know where the money came from and I had nowhere else to obtain the money,” Snape tried to argue.
I don't see how Severus is meant to be the person in the wrong in this scene. He really does have a point.
“Nowhere else? I had Kreacher open a direct money bag from my Gringotts account and you are telling me you had nowhere else to take the money from,” said Harry, trying not to lose control.
Because losing control would be so OOC for Deserving!Harry, wielder of the ALLCAPS OF DOOM.
“I HAVE not accused you of such a thing,” countered Snape controlling his volume.
He clearly wasn't controlling his volume, because he lapsed into ALLCAPS OF DOOM himself.
Now it was Harry who hesitated. Snape didn’t know, did he?
“I think there is something you should know. You put into that account as much or more as I do.”
Severus looked at him with a puzzled look.
“You get a Headmaster’s pension and they placed all your life savings into my account. And let me tell you it was a hefty amount and there is also a deed of a house that you own and don’t forget the little treasure that Hogwarts sent you when we got married.”
Severus could not believe what he was hearing. He thought he had lost everything when he was made a Marked One. His savings, his property, his pension, they were all there.
And now he tells him.
“Snape, you might not believe me or understand, but your whoring money protects you.”
Severus did not understand, but life with Harry had taught him that ‘time’ had a way of explaining Harry’s actions.
She's actually going to do this, isn't she? The author is actually going to make the whoring money, the silliest of many silly things in this fic, into an important plot element.
“Snape, I want to make something clear. We have already established your punishment, remember, two more conceptions and birth without any help. That’s it, but it has to be enough not only for me, but for you too.”
Because one Gary Stu isn't enough for a badfic of this magnitude.
It was almost daybreak when they finally went to sleep and only after three hours of doing so Harry felt someone trying to pry his eyes open.
“Wake up, dada, we go up, up, up,” announced Richard, obviously wanting to go flying.
You reckon?
“Snape, your son is awake,” said Harry with closed eyes.
“Silly Dada, Papa cannot fly,” said Richard, giggling at his father’s absurd thought.
How old is this kid meant to be, exactly?
“Wake up, dada, wake up. Bring broom, zoom, zoom,” said Richard, handing his Dada his wand.
Okay, you know how I said in Chapter 27 about the line between cute and cutesy? Richard has just charged straight through it with the force of a jumbo jet on full thrust.
Harry covered his head in a vain attempt to continue his slumber. And it was then when Severus took pity of his husband and woke to take care of Richard. Getting up and picking Richard up to go change his nappy and feed him breakfast.
Apparently his hyper-accelerated learning doesn't extend to potty training.
The winter holidays had come and gone and it was a cold day in January when Harry came home and as always took Richard in his [Harry's] arms for a kiss and a hug, but when he [Harry] placed Richard back on the floor he [Harry or Richard?] had a bouquet of flowers in his [whose?] hands and took them over to his [Richard's by context] Papa.
Pronouns do not work that way!
Severus couldn’t understand how Harry had found out but one look at Millicent’s proud stance gave him the answer. Year after year his little snakes had insisted on celebrating his birthday. Dumbledore must have given the information to his first students and they made it a point to pass the information from year to year. Of course they only did it because it gave them a reason to stay up late and get extra treats from the elves.
His "little snakes" were perfect model students. You wouldn't catch anyone from Slytherin misbehaving.
Severus was puzzled by this.
This puzzled him.
“Cheers,” toasted Harry.
I don't have to say what's wrong with this, do I?
“They were from Richard. It is my job to teach him about these things.”
Isn't it a bit soon? I mean, I know he's a Stu and all but really.
Severus looked at the content fearing he had missed something then looked up at Harry who was still smiling.
“Well, obviously you can’t plant them outside in the middle of the winter, but you can
plant them in planters in the house. At least that is what Professor Coates said.”
“Professor Coates?” asked an even more confused Severus.
“Yea, apparently Professor Sprout is running for some post in the Ministry and therefore had to ask for asabbatical, but Minerva assured me that Coates is as competent as Sprout.”
This clumsy exposition won't be relevant later.
Well obviously this woman didn’t know that he had never had the need to plant because Sprout and Hagrid had always provided him with the necessary ingredients. And why was Harry giving him gifts that were for a Potions Master a title that he no longer possessed.
If he no longer possesses that title, and the author and all the characters recognise this fact, why is he referred to as "the Potions Master" in narration?
“Well, I figure now that you will be brewing again you will want to have some ingredients handy.”
Snape looked at him waiting for the punch line. It never came.
This entire fic is a punchline.
Severus bowed his head. He did not deserve this but he had to take it. He had to find a cure for Mathew and all the other little children that had been robbed of their magic.
[snip]
“Will I be able to work on a cure for the children?” asked Severus, shaking Harry to the core. He had forgotten about the children of the Marked Ones that had been denied their magic.
So had the author, considering how long it's been since she mentioned it. Months passed by with bugger all going on. There's no urgency to the plot; the events just form an orderly queue, and this:
He had just wanted to make Snape’s birthday as nice as Snape had made his.
is considered more important than restoring children's magic.
Severus realized he had acted in haste and sat down. They had a nice dinner and then chocolate cake with one candle in the middle. Harry made Snape make a wish but you didn’t have to be Trelawney to guess what he had wished for.
Trelawney is a Seer, not a Legilimens. Severus himself would have been a better comparison.
When Harry apparated them to the bedroom Snape rushed out of his hands but Harry caught him before he could escape.
“Snape, focus, you can start all the preparations tomorrow,” said Harry into Snape’s ear suggestively.
“Sir, I was going to the bathroom to tie myself. I was not expecting this and therefore I am unprepared.”
“I hate that you have
... a cock! The author does another merciful fade to black on this scene.
It was Easter Sunday
What? It was January last scene, now it's suddenly Easter and there's still no progress on helping the kids!
and Harry, Severus, Milly, Sly, Richard and Mathew were having dinner after a very exciting day for the children.
Very wonderfully described it was too. Sly collars Harry:
“Harry, you have been kind enough to take care of Millicent and Mathew for almost a year and for that I will always be grateful. Because of your care for them I think it is only just that I ask your permission to marry Millicent.”
And who didn't see this coming?
Continued...