Dark Secrets Chapters 5-7
Previously on Dark Secrets, the author helpfully informed us that Draco and Jaiden-Sue had begun to fall in love with each other. I'll just leave this here.
Fair warning: this update involves a rape scene, albeit a clumsily written one (she should have stuck with the discretion cut as in Chapter 4*) and so is NSFW and usual warnings apply.
(* ETA: there do exist expurgated versions of the fic on sites other than the Uber-Pit that do just that and also eliminate the borderline-IKEA sex scene later on. Unfortunately they don't fix any of the other problems.)
In the Head Boy and Girl's non-canonical quarters, Jaiden-Sue has forgotten what day of the week it is. She really needs a calendar. Thursday: encounter Voldemort whilst creeping around at night. Friday: get dragged to the apparently now soundproofed Shrieking Shack. Saturday: get more angst heaped upon me. Sunday: get even more angst heaped upon me. Monday: restore canon. Okay, that last bit was wishful thinking on my part.
And what was worse was Ron had stolen her virginity, which she was saving for someone special, and he torn it from her so forcefully. What if he done it again?
Well, evidently she wasn't servicing his wand. Sorry about that; still, fair assumption to make in fanfic, and Ron was "someone special" until he suddenly morphed into evil!Ron. And I somehow doubt he's going to take her virginity again.
A nice cosy interlude with oh-so-clever dramatic irony as Harry and Hermione join Jaiden-Sue and evil!Ron at breakfast and are blissfully unaware that he's actually evil!Ron follows.
“ Is that so, ” Ron said cheerfully, “ Well Jaiden and I must be going, ”
“ Bu- ” Jaiden started she wanted to finish her breakfast, but was cut short when she was dragged sharply out of her chair but her wrist.
Looking backwards she caught the bewildered looks of Harry, Hermione, and Ginny’s faces. Outside the Great Hall she spun her around to face him.
“ I hope you didn’t tell Malfoy about our little night last night, ” Ron said smirking at the last bit.
Holy mood whiplash, Batman!
“ Go away and leave me alone, ” Jaiden said trying to get out of his grasp.
“ What did I just tell you, ” Ron said giving her a sharp clip to her already bruised cheek.
Where. Is. Your. Motherfucking. WAND?! *breathes* I mean really. In the immortal words of canon!Ron, are you a witch or not? We're supposed to believe that this weakling who doesn't even have the wit to perform a simple hex somehow became Head Girl at Hogwarts? And we're supposed to sympathise with her? Fuck that. Evil!Ron can go Reaver on her for all I care.
A few days had went past, Ron hadn’t done anything remotely abusive other than a few slaps here and there.
Oh, is that all? Nice job trivialising the horror of actual abusive relationships. *headdesk*
Jaiden-Sue wakes up the next morning to go to Potions. I half expected her to be going to maths or something, because there's been no evidence aside from Voldemort's Chapter 1 cameo that they're actually at a school for witches and wizards, because there's been no magic used at all. I'm not exaggerating. If you can stomach reading through Chapters 2-5 again, you'll notice that magic isn't even mentioned. What's the point of this fic being set in the Potterverse, exactly?
“ Today… we are going to concoct a healing potion, ” Snape told the class, “ This is a very complex potions and requires the utmost attention, ”
You've probably read enough by now to know that I won't be spoiling anything if I point out that Jaiden-Sue might find a healing potion quite useful later on. It doesn't get mentioned again after this scene. Apparently Chekhov's gun has jammed.
“ Mr. Weasley, Miss. Spencer care to tell the class what you are talking about that’s so interesting? “ Snape asked interrupting them.
“ No sir, ” Ron replied.
“ Then pay attention, ”Snape snapped, “ Your homework is to give definitions of the ingredients of the healing potions that you concocted today and hand into me next time, ” He instructed.
To give credit where it's due, Snape is actually in character in this scene.
Sitting down at a table she began to do her homework that Snape had assigned, little did she know a black raven had followed her in, and perched on top a bookshelf to watch her every move.
POV fail ahoy!
“ I thought I’d find you in here, ” A voice said sitting down next to her.
A voice can't sit.
Jaiden looked up, hoping it wasn’t Ron. It wasn’t. It was Draco, she sighed inwardly with relief.
Because Ron and Draco sound so alike.
“ You don’t know what he’s capable of, he’s dangerous, ”
He's capable, like everyone else in this godforsaken fic, of sweet fuck all.
Startled they both looked up at the raven. Draco looked at it curiously, while Jaiden paled at the sight of it.
“ Oh no, ”
“ What’s wrong? ” He asked.
“ That’s his bird, ” She told him, “ He’s watching me, ”
“ Who is he? ”
“ Ron that’s who, ” Jaiden said, and with that packed up her stuff and took off to her dorm.
Almost sweet fuck all: evil!Ron has super-special-awesome raven powers, in a rare concession to the fact that this fic is set in a magical world. I know super-special-awesome raven powers don't exactly fit the Potterverse, but it's something I guess. It goes without saying that neither Jaiden-Sue nor Draco have super-special-awesome raven-blasting powers.
Evil!Ron breaks into the Head Boy and Girl's quarters when Draco is away:
“ H-how did you get in here anyway? ” She asked.
“ It was very easy actually, being a Death Eater and all, ” Ron told her, “ Your passwords are to easy, ”
Fear the wrath of evil!Ron the 1337 h4x0r!
Ron let out a howl of rage, Jaiden saw him move sideways with his body, then she saw the outline of his arm raise up and his fist came through the door, shattering the glass. Jaiden shrieked at the deafening sound, she crouched down as felt the shards of glass shower down upon her.
The Dark Secrets drinking game might make this fic a bit more bearable: a shot for every time the characters don't use magic when they logically should. Why anyone with access to the Reductor Curse would slice his hand open punching through a glass door is a mystery for the ages.
“ I’ve been watching you, ” He told her.
“ H-how? ” She asked.
The super-special-awesome raven powers that she knew about when the bird was fluttering around in the library earlier this same chapter, maybe?
“ You have forgotten, I OWN YOU! ” Ron bellowed
Evil!Ron pwns j00!
“ Be quiet, ” He snarled, “ I do not want you to talk, be near, or even look at Malfoy, ”
A bit hard considering she, you know, lives with him. Henceforth evil!Ron shall be known as idiot!Ron.
“ Good girl, ” Ron said gleefully pulling her closer, “ Now onto our lesson ”
This conversation, it's worth noting, goes round in circles for most of the chapter. Idiot!Ron redundantly repeats every point he's trying to make about fifty times like a broken record. I think we knew he intended to "teach her a lesson" from the moment he entered.
With a smirk he slammed it to the hilt inside of her
His dick has a... forget it, I don't want to know. I'll let Squall sum up my feelings towards this scene:
And with that he took himself from inside her and threw her to the floor, putting his now spent member
The Honourable Member for Hogsmeade South?
“ I already do, ”
... wish she'd never "of" been born, that is. This isn't in the least bit foreshadowing a later scene, maybe one in which she does the whole Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way routine, no sir.
Continued...
Fair warning: this update involves a rape scene, albeit a clumsily written one (she should have stuck with the discretion cut as in Chapter 4*) and so is NSFW and usual warnings apply.
(* ETA: there do exist expurgated versions of the fic on sites other than the Uber-Pit that do just that and also eliminate the borderline-IKEA sex scene later on. Unfortunately they don't fix any of the other problems.)
In the Head Boy and Girl's non-canonical quarters, Jaiden-Sue has forgotten what day of the week it is. She really needs a calendar. Thursday: encounter Voldemort whilst creeping around at night. Friday: get dragged to the apparently now soundproofed Shrieking Shack. Saturday: get more angst heaped upon me. Sunday: get even more angst heaped upon me. Monday: restore canon. Okay, that last bit was wishful thinking on my part.
And what was worse was Ron had stolen her virginity, which she was saving for someone special, and he torn it from her so forcefully. What if he done it again?
Well, evidently she wasn't servicing his wand. Sorry about that; still, fair assumption to make in fanfic, and Ron was "someone special" until he suddenly morphed into evil!Ron. And I somehow doubt he's going to take her virginity again.
A nice cosy interlude with oh-so-clever dramatic irony as Harry and Hermione join Jaiden-Sue and evil!Ron at breakfast and are blissfully unaware that he's actually evil!Ron follows.
“ Is that so, ” Ron said cheerfully, “ Well Jaiden and I must be going, ”
“ Bu- ” Jaiden started she wanted to finish her breakfast, but was cut short when she was dragged sharply out of her chair but her wrist.
Looking backwards she caught the bewildered looks of Harry, Hermione, and Ginny’s faces. Outside the Great Hall she spun her around to face him.
“ I hope you didn’t tell Malfoy about our little night last night, ” Ron said smirking at the last bit.
Holy mood whiplash, Batman!
“ Go away and leave me alone, ” Jaiden said trying to get out of his grasp.
“ What did I just tell you, ” Ron said giving her a sharp clip to her already bruised cheek.
Where. Is. Your. Motherfucking. WAND?! *breathes* I mean really. In the immortal words of canon!Ron, are you a witch or not? We're supposed to believe that this weakling who doesn't even have the wit to perform a simple hex somehow became Head Girl at Hogwarts? And we're supposed to sympathise with her? Fuck that. Evil!Ron can go Reaver on her for all I care.
A few days had went past, Ron hadn’t done anything remotely abusive other than a few slaps here and there.
Oh, is that all? Nice job trivialising the horror of actual abusive relationships. *headdesk*
Jaiden-Sue wakes up the next morning to go to Potions. I half expected her to be going to maths or something, because there's been no evidence aside from Voldemort's Chapter 1 cameo that they're actually at a school for witches and wizards, because there's been no magic used at all. I'm not exaggerating. If you can stomach reading through Chapters 2-5 again, you'll notice that magic isn't even mentioned. What's the point of this fic being set in the Potterverse, exactly?
“ Today… we are going to concoct a healing potion, ” Snape told the class, “ This is a very complex potions and requires the utmost attention, ”
You've probably read enough by now to know that I won't be spoiling anything if I point out that Jaiden-Sue might find a healing potion quite useful later on. It doesn't get mentioned again after this scene. Apparently Chekhov's gun has jammed.
“ Mr. Weasley, Miss. Spencer care to tell the class what you are talking about that’s so interesting? “ Snape asked interrupting them.
“ No sir, ” Ron replied.
“ Then pay attention, ”Snape snapped, “ Your homework is to give definitions of the ingredients of the healing potions that you concocted today and hand into me next time, ” He instructed.
To give credit where it's due, Snape is actually in character in this scene.
Sitting down at a table she began to do her homework that Snape had assigned, little did she know a black raven had followed her in, and perched on top a bookshelf to watch her every move.
POV fail ahoy!
“ I thought I’d find you in here, ” A voice said sitting down next to her.
A voice can't sit.
Jaiden looked up, hoping it wasn’t Ron. It wasn’t. It was Draco, she sighed inwardly with relief.
Because Ron and Draco sound so alike.
“ You don’t know what he’s capable of, he’s dangerous, ”
He's capable, like everyone else in this godforsaken fic, of sweet fuck all.
Startled they both looked up at the raven. Draco looked at it curiously, while Jaiden paled at the sight of it.
“ Oh no, ”
“ What’s wrong? ” He asked.
“ That’s his bird, ” She told him, “ He’s watching me, ”
“ Who is he? ”
“ Ron that’s who, ” Jaiden said, and with that packed up her stuff and took off to her dorm.
Almost sweet fuck all: evil!Ron has super-special-awesome raven powers, in a rare concession to the fact that this fic is set in a magical world. I know super-special-awesome raven powers don't exactly fit the Potterverse, but it's something I guess. It goes without saying that neither Jaiden-Sue nor Draco have super-special-awesome raven-blasting powers.
Evil!Ron breaks into the Head Boy and Girl's quarters when Draco is away:
“ H-how did you get in here anyway? ” She asked.
“ It was very easy actually, being a Death Eater and all, ” Ron told her, “ Your passwords are to easy, ”
Fear the wrath of evil!Ron the 1337 h4x0r!
Ron let out a howl of rage, Jaiden saw him move sideways with his body, then she saw the outline of his arm raise up and his fist came through the door, shattering the glass. Jaiden shrieked at the deafening sound, she crouched down as felt the shards of glass shower down upon her.
The Dark Secrets drinking game might make this fic a bit more bearable: a shot for every time the characters don't use magic when they logically should. Why anyone with access to the Reductor Curse would slice his hand open punching through a glass door is a mystery for the ages.
“ I’ve been watching you, ” He told her.
“ H-how? ” She asked.
The super-special-awesome raven powers that she knew about when the bird was fluttering around in the library earlier this same chapter, maybe?
“ You have forgotten, I OWN YOU! ” Ron bellowed
Evil!Ron pwns j00!
“ Be quiet, ” He snarled, “ I do not want you to talk, be near, or even look at Malfoy, ”
A bit hard considering she, you know, lives with him. Henceforth evil!Ron shall be known as idiot!Ron.
“ Good girl, ” Ron said gleefully pulling her closer, “ Now onto our lesson ”
This conversation, it's worth noting, goes round in circles for most of the chapter. Idiot!Ron redundantly repeats every point he's trying to make about fifty times like a broken record. I think we knew he intended to "teach her a lesson" from the moment he entered.
With a smirk he slammed it to the hilt inside of her
His dick has a... forget it, I don't want to know. I'll let Squall sum up my feelings towards this scene:
And with that he took himself from inside her and threw her to the floor, putting his now spent member
The Honourable Member for Hogsmeade South?
“ I already do, ”
... wish she'd never "of" been born, that is. This isn't in the least bit foreshadowing a later scene, maybe one in which she does the whole Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way routine, no sir.
Continued...