Summer of Karma
I am struggling a lot right now. Old karma. Once again, I need to be earning more money than I currently am. Not, it would be nice to. Need. So I'm job hunting. As usual, I hate it. I hate trying to sell myself to people I don't know to do jobs I don't think should exist in the first place. But I don't yet have land or a house or a degree. So I need wages to buy food, pay rent, pay bills, and all those other pesky things I'm supposed to have. We're also moving. Again. This will be the fourth place in Western Mass, my seventh in Massachusetts, and who knows how many since I moved out of my parents. Basically, our house mates have decided that they'd rather live without house mates. They're moving and would prefer that we are out by June, but that's unlikely at this point, given the previously mentioned lack of money. One cool thing is that Katie G. is going to move in with us, with her sweet kitty, Pina. That's exciting. It's been a long time since I lived with someone (besides Daniel), that I chose to live with primarily because I want to. We're considering trying to find another housemate to bring costs down even further. So if anyone wants to live with us/move to Western Mass, lemme know.
This is all rather frustrating, because I really am wanting this to be the summer where I start making the Sunflower Village Initiative into a reality. I'm tired of waiting and slogging through the same stuff. I've made a goal. I've determined that by the end of May 2011, I want to have made the Sunflower Village Initiative into a nonprofit umbrella organization. I would like for this to include 501(c)(3) status, and I would like it to have some funding. I have a lot of ideas towards making this happen. I had been planning to set a day aside specifically to work on it, but with all this apartment/money/job stuff I dunno how it's going to happen.
I feel like my Buddhist practice has been hit and miss lately. I have been making lots of causes, and opportunities to share the practice have been falling into my lap. I've been going to meetings and holding meetings. Some days I chant a lot, some days a little. But I guess I am acknowledging more to myself that it's taking me too long to go to the Gohonzon when I'm feeling discouraged. And I'm not running there, I'm dragging myself there. I did last night. It was good. I think that I need to trust my life/Nam Myoho Renge Kyo a lot more. I am definitely struggling trusting that the causes I am making are enough.
Yesterday, Katie, Daniel, and I spent a lot of time apartment hunting. I was really anxious throughout most of it. Something occurred to me on the way home that might be obvious, but it struck a chord with me. I guess it just hit home how long I've been without a permanent home... 8 years. And it's always been a bit of a shock to me I guess. I want one.
More soon maybe. Big Bang Theory with Daniel now.
This is all rather frustrating, because I really am wanting this to be the summer where I start making the Sunflower Village Initiative into a reality. I'm tired of waiting and slogging through the same stuff. I've made a goal. I've determined that by the end of May 2011, I want to have made the Sunflower Village Initiative into a nonprofit umbrella organization. I would like for this to include 501(c)(3) status, and I would like it to have some funding. I have a lot of ideas towards making this happen. I had been planning to set a day aside specifically to work on it, but with all this apartment/money/job stuff I dunno how it's going to happen.
I feel like my Buddhist practice has been hit and miss lately. I have been making lots of causes, and opportunities to share the practice have been falling into my lap. I've been going to meetings and holding meetings. Some days I chant a lot, some days a little. But I guess I am acknowledging more to myself that it's taking me too long to go to the Gohonzon when I'm feeling discouraged. And I'm not running there, I'm dragging myself there. I did last night. It was good. I think that I need to trust my life/Nam Myoho Renge Kyo a lot more. I am definitely struggling trusting that the causes I am making are enough.
Yesterday, Katie, Daniel, and I spent a lot of time apartment hunting. I was really anxious throughout most of it. Something occurred to me on the way home that might be obvious, but it struck a chord with me. I guess it just hit home how long I've been without a permanent home... 8 years. And it's always been a bit of a shock to me I guess. I want one.
More soon maybe. Big Bang Theory with Daniel now.