don't read this.
these days i just don't know why i bother anymore.
i'm beginning to think that it's not just me, that everyone is split in half. i think i've figured out what went wrong. nothing. we just brought out the characteristics in each other and in ourselves that started to piss everyone off. think about it. it's like everyone meets for the first time and we're all stoked about being such good friends because we're all awesome. and then the uglies start coming out and we lose the desire to try because it's not easy anymore.
i'm putting this thought on hold now to delve into another subject.
nineteen year olds are not prepared to love. at least from what i can see and from who i know. and that's totally a broad statement but just go with it for a second. let's investigate that further through comparison to an excerpt from a popular tonic song:
"Love is tragic, Love is bold, You will always do what you are told
Love is hard, Love is strong, You will never say that you were wrong
I dont know when I got bitter
Love is sure better when it's gone
Because you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
And a life that I can't live
Love is color, Love is love, Love is never saying you're too proud
Love is trusting, Love is honest, Love is not a hand that holds you down..."
i really just want to get all the shit out of my head that would keep me from doing anything that jeopardizes love. and i'm not emotionally prepared to do that. i can't do anything without people being cynical about it and it's boxing me in. people keep readjusting the parameters and i'm closing in a space i shouldn't be in.
let me get it out of my system before they turn into the big mistakes. shit's been hard this far.
it all brings me to a question - why ask someone what they want when you know that they don't know? why hold on? why hurt yourself? why pressure them, even?
sucks. it sucks. love sucks but the feeling is awesome.
i don't even know where i'm going with this. love is an extreme commitment and i don't think i'll be able to make that for a while. fuck.
there is no why.
i'm beginning to think that it's not just me, that everyone is split in half. i think i've figured out what went wrong. nothing. we just brought out the characteristics in each other and in ourselves that started to piss everyone off. think about it. it's like everyone meets for the first time and we're all stoked about being such good friends because we're all awesome. and then the uglies start coming out and we lose the desire to try because it's not easy anymore.
i'm putting this thought on hold now to delve into another subject.
nineteen year olds are not prepared to love. at least from what i can see and from who i know. and that's totally a broad statement but just go with it for a second. let's investigate that further through comparison to an excerpt from a popular tonic song:
"Love is tragic, Love is bold, You will always do what you are told
Love is hard, Love is strong, You will never say that you were wrong
I dont know when I got bitter
Love is sure better when it's gone
Because you wanted more
More than I could give
More than I could handle
And a life that I can't live
Love is color, Love is love, Love is never saying you're too proud
Love is trusting, Love is honest, Love is not a hand that holds you down..."
i really just want to get all the shit out of my head that would keep me from doing anything that jeopardizes love. and i'm not emotionally prepared to do that. i can't do anything without people being cynical about it and it's boxing me in. people keep readjusting the parameters and i'm closing in a space i shouldn't be in.
let me get it out of my system before they turn into the big mistakes. shit's been hard this far.
it all brings me to a question - why ask someone what they want when you know that they don't know? why hold on? why hurt yourself? why pressure them, even?
sucks. it sucks. love sucks but the feeling is awesome.
i don't even know where i'm going with this. love is an extreme commitment and i don't think i'll be able to make that for a while. fuck.
there is no why.