Illegitimate Rape?

[syrjustus]

Since this has been in the news so much of late Ive been meditating on the trouble with our words and understanding of them.

Todd Akin is not the first person to be lead into trouble by the tongue. I will try to keep from getting into trouble myself but I do want to talk about this. I remember Whoopi Goldberg recently got into trouble by trying to

Comments

[ext_1363308]

I completely agree with you, I have been in situations similar to the one you experienced and I know that it was difficult wondering if the authorities were going to come knocking on my door. I think that the people who make the laws need to put on their big people undies and discuss like adults what 'rape' is and is not. I do think that there should be degrees of rape, because you are right, there are different levels of rape, all of them bad of course but different levels non the less. I dont think people really consider it until it is presented to them, like most law makers they say "thats a horrible topic, we cant talk about that." and they just let it go by the way side simply because its uncomfortable for them to discuss, and other people suffer for it.

[saint_of_me]

I guess it is stupid to get into a situation where you have to say 'no.' Isn't that sort of like saying it's stupid to go to a restaurant that has food you might not like? Maybe I'm being too casual. Let's see

[llelwyn]

Part of the issue I see with this stance is that it presumes men and women are approaching relationships and sex on an even footing as "just two adults." This doesn't take into account the way most girls and women are socialized to respond to men. "Slow no's," humor, diffusion and ignoring their own feelings are socialized in and are part of the power dynamic that fosters the possibility of rape in our society. None of that means that women shouldn't know themselves well enough to know what they do and don't want and to talk about it it early and directly and often, but it does make having that knowledge and communicating it much, much harder. Not communicating leaves everyone involved in danger of being hurt, but there are also situations where the mood genuinely changes or a person thought something would be ok until it started to all of a sudden not be. There are also situations where a person may not feel safe saying what she wants until it gets to the point where it's intolerable or may not believe that anything short of a flat “

[saint_of_me]

It's completely illogical to never gently ask the victim, "What will you do differently next time?" It's like we can ask that question in every situation except for rape. Do I intimidate people? Yes. I've caught flak for learning kick-boxing and carrying pepper spray (where legal, which is also crap because wouldn't you rather I had a weapon where you could see it? I've been studying terrorism since before it was cool and I bet I could name 50 things that will make it past airport security that can be used to kill some one with varying levels of effectiveness. But I digress.), and certain rather mundane segments of the population regularly call me 'sir' when I'm clearly not a 'sir.' But guess what? I've never been raped!* Mission accomplished

[llelwyn]

I don't think I said that people shouldn't be asked what they might do differently in the future, after they're at a point where they could take that question. I also don't think I ever said that we should define things that are classed as sexual assault (touching without consent, for example) as rape. I do disagree that bodily harm differentiates rape and sexual assault, there are plenty of "forceful" rapes, to use that definition, that don't leave bruises or cuts or even necessarily much in the way of forensic evidence period. I also don't think the survivor is under the obligation to have struggled to the point of near death to have her rape be considered something that is "really rape." I think I get what you're saying, that you feel that the word rape has been weakened, but I also know that human beings don't always respond with physical resistance to every situation. The reaction is fight/flight/freeze for a reason, and a lot of people do the latter two, and I cannot agree with you that the way someone responds to that kind

[crysanthemums]

That is a more thoughtful outlook on this subject than I have heard in years. Rape is one of those topics that starts people foaming at the mouth and gibbering, I suspect. Thank you.

-A

[beatrixherald]

Justus

[syrjustus]

I'm very sorry for what happened to you when you were 16, and your brother could not be more wrong for not supporting and defending you but I believe it is going too far to call what happened rape. Rape is supposed to be a powerful word, a word that describes a very serious crime. If we use it to describe everything from unwelcome touching to sexual battery it creates the grey area around sexual assault that allows bad men the shelter they need to justify their actions

[syrjustus]

Men and women are not the same and we are foolish to pretend that they are. When I walk home from the metro late at night I am at risk for being robbed. When my wife walks home from the metro late at night she is at risk for being robbed and raped. Is that fair? Should it be that way in a civilized society? No, but wishing it were not so does not decrease the risk. If I leave my car door unlocked and someone steals my GPS the thief is the criminal, but I was foolish for not locking my car. If I lock my car and the thief breaks a window and stals my GPS then I am just SoL

[beatrixherald]

I love how articulate you are on this topic. And thank you again for your kind words and sensitivity