Oh, I’m in here a lot right now!
Yeah, emotional wreck right now.
Well, for me it looks a lot like just being needy. But trust me, it’s tough, it’s about as wreck-y as I get.
Which is a blessing I suppose.
Why?
Oh where do I start xD
So lockdown has me closer than ever with people I work with. We’ve spent hours and hours together every weekend. Working through new problems, getting to know one another. And I’ve gone and done something stupid, and found people amongst those I work with I feel I could have a relationship with.
Or have a crush on, depends whether you’re of the “needy” or “wreck” school.
So being me, I make friends, spend time with them and grow attached.
So one I thought felt the same, spent a lot of laughs together, time outside work, personal chats and that kind of thing. Anyhow long story short, she didn’t feel the same. And is promptly freaking out.
Joy.
So one friend down.
It kinda mystifies me, it’s about the only truth you can tell that not only costs you trust but utterly annihilates any hope of it. :shrug:
Oh well, rejection is my forte. Alone, that means little to nothing, another day at the office.
But then another friend, yeah, I could have feelings, but she’s young, and has some serious social isolation issues that mean “fear to commit” would be her catchphrase. As far as I can tell she actually has no friends at all and works hard at keeping people away.
That’s fine, I can certainly understand it, especially given her background of moving around and being very different from everyone around her.
Anyhow, she’s smart, and we think a lot alike. I enjoy her company a lot, and I look forward to weekends when we can spend a few hours on a call, talk, and fight off the boredom together.
Beginning of this month she moved. From her student house to her new home. Knowing her, I’m pretty sure she means it to be a clean break from everything, work, learning and people. I should respect that. But I can’t.
Partially selfish, but I also see isolation, and that’s not good for anyone, and damnit I care enough not to want that. Pfft.
Anyway, ahead of myself.
I’ve come on this weekend and she doesn’t want to speak on Teams as we usually do, at least I’m assuming. As she says there’s no where quiet to do it.
I’m being over-sensitive, I know, but that’s because of the “needy”.
And the needy wants company, intelligent, far away, threat-free company. And I was :really: :really: looking forward to it.
I can’t twist anyone’s arm, nor would I want to. But damn I’m gutted today. Unreasonably so.
So I sent a slightly needy message, just a hand to see if she’d do the kind thing and reply. No such luck. So there’s another friend down. I’ve no desire to intrude on someone’s life when they don’t want me there. So I’ll take the hint, something I’m generally wilfully not good at, but I’m learning to let go gracefully. At least much better than I used to be.
Just one person left who I’ve got to know during the lockdown and actually want to keep as a friend. Guess we’ll see how that goes, but I’m going to remain as passive as possible there, easier on everyone.
Right, writing all that down seems to have helped a little. But meh, I’m in a sensitive mood, and I have no one to share them with any more. I’m pretty sure they do me more harm than any other mood I could have, yet it’s the one mood where anyone can actually see me for me.
Not something of value to anyone.
Ah well, before this boards the pity-train I’ll head out. I’ve washing up to do.
I’m hurting, a lot, as always, a little housework, some bad-for-me food and a computer will be my friend. It’ll turn around, and I’ll find some more people to be rejected by. Back to normal :-)
Well, for me it looks a lot like just being needy. But trust me, it’s tough, it’s about as wreck-y as I get.
Which is a blessing I suppose.
Why?
Oh where do I start xD
So lockdown has me closer than ever with people I work with. We’ve spent hours and hours together every weekend. Working through new problems, getting to know one another. And I’ve gone and done something stupid, and found people amongst those I work with I feel I could have a relationship with.
Or have a crush on, depends whether you’re of the “needy” or “wreck” school.
So being me, I make friends, spend time with them and grow attached.
So one I thought felt the same, spent a lot of laughs together, time outside work, personal chats and that kind of thing. Anyhow long story short, she didn’t feel the same. And is promptly freaking out.
Joy.
So one friend down.
It kinda mystifies me, it’s about the only truth you can tell that not only costs you trust but utterly annihilates any hope of it. :shrug:
Oh well, rejection is my forte. Alone, that means little to nothing, another day at the office.
But then another friend, yeah, I could have feelings, but she’s young, and has some serious social isolation issues that mean “fear to commit” would be her catchphrase. As far as I can tell she actually has no friends at all and works hard at keeping people away.
That’s fine, I can certainly understand it, especially given her background of moving around and being very different from everyone around her.
Anyhow, she’s smart, and we think a lot alike. I enjoy her company a lot, and I look forward to weekends when we can spend a few hours on a call, talk, and fight off the boredom together.
Beginning of this month she moved. From her student house to her new home. Knowing her, I’m pretty sure she means it to be a clean break from everything, work, learning and people. I should respect that. But I can’t.
Partially selfish, but I also see isolation, and that’s not good for anyone, and damnit I care enough not to want that. Pfft.
Anyway, ahead of myself.
I’ve come on this weekend and she doesn’t want to speak on Teams as we usually do, at least I’m assuming. As she says there’s no where quiet to do it.
I’m being over-sensitive, I know, but that’s because of the “needy”.
And the needy wants company, intelligent, far away, threat-free company. And I was :really: :really: looking forward to it.
I can’t twist anyone’s arm, nor would I want to. But damn I’m gutted today. Unreasonably so.
So I sent a slightly needy message, just a hand to see if she’d do the kind thing and reply. No such luck. So there’s another friend down. I’ve no desire to intrude on someone’s life when they don’t want me there. So I’ll take the hint, something I’m generally wilfully not good at, but I’m learning to let go gracefully. At least much better than I used to be.
Just one person left who I’ve got to know during the lockdown and actually want to keep as a friend. Guess we’ll see how that goes, but I’m going to remain as passive as possible there, easier on everyone.
Right, writing all that down seems to have helped a little. But meh, I’m in a sensitive mood, and I have no one to share them with any more. I’m pretty sure they do me more harm than any other mood I could have, yet it’s the one mood where anyone can actually see me for me.
Not something of value to anyone.
Ah well, before this boards the pity-train I’ll head out. I’ve washing up to do.
I’m hurting, a lot, as always, a little housework, some bad-for-me food and a computer will be my friend. It’ll turn around, and I’ll find some more people to be rejected by. Back to normal :-)