...
I miss you.
I miss the hugs over MSN, the late night conversations when I'm at work and you're suffering a bout of insomnia. I miss the in-jokes, the stupid little things that we always got a laugh at. I miss the advice, the comfort, the lectures on how I should stop overthinking shit and just relax. I miss the way you filled up that little void in my heart, that little hole that constantly gnaws at me now that you're absent from my life.
I'm not sorry for what I said, though I'm sorry I couldn't work past my own jealousy and frustration to word things better. I'm sorry I snapped at you the way that I did, but my emotions are what they are - I can't change the way I feel any more than you can. All I can do is tell you the honest truth as I know it, because honesty is something everyone deserves.
It's been ten days since we talked last and I'm sitting here crying because I see your name on my MSN list and I'm torn between standing my ground and sticking to what I said about waiting for you to come to me, and saying fuck it and giving you a poke to say hi. Either way, I feel like I'm slowly losing something I prayed with all my heart I would never have to say goodbye to - our friendship, the way it used to be before all of this shit happened.
... I want my friend back. I just wish I had the courage to tell you directly. As it is, I'm just too scared that I'll fuck things up even worse if I try to salvage our friendship and put this whole thing in the past where it belongs. It terrifies me to think that I've crossed that line and gone into the realm of those you want nothing to do with, because the thought of a life without your friendship in it is something that leaves me lying awake in bed in the middle of the night, unable to sleep against the fear that makes me feel dead inside.
Please... I don't want to lose you. Not like this. Anything but this...
I miss the hugs over MSN, the late night conversations when I'm at work and you're suffering a bout of insomnia. I miss the in-jokes, the stupid little things that we always got a laugh at. I miss the advice, the comfort, the lectures on how I should stop overthinking shit and just relax. I miss the way you filled up that little void in my heart, that little hole that constantly gnaws at me now that you're absent from my life.
I'm not sorry for what I said, though I'm sorry I couldn't work past my own jealousy and frustration to word things better. I'm sorry I snapped at you the way that I did, but my emotions are what they are - I can't change the way I feel any more than you can. All I can do is tell you the honest truth as I know it, because honesty is something everyone deserves.
It's been ten days since we talked last and I'm sitting here crying because I see your name on my MSN list and I'm torn between standing my ground and sticking to what I said about waiting for you to come to me, and saying fuck it and giving you a poke to say hi. Either way, I feel like I'm slowly losing something I prayed with all my heart I would never have to say goodbye to - our friendship, the way it used to be before all of this shit happened.
... I want my friend back. I just wish I had the courage to tell you directly. As it is, I'm just too scared that I'll fuck things up even worse if I try to salvage our friendship and put this whole thing in the past where it belongs. It terrifies me to think that I've crossed that line and gone into the realm of those you want nothing to do with, because the thought of a life without your friendship in it is something that leaves me lying awake in bed in the middle of the night, unable to sleep against the fear that makes me feel dead inside.
Please... I don't want to lose you. Not like this. Anything but this...