The Ex-Beauty Queen Has Got a Gun
[You don't want to follow this link (NSFW), but it's where I found the lyrics.]
This is probably funnier if you're familiar with the original parody (lyrics, video), also by Julie Brown.
The Ex-Beauty Queen Has Got a Gun
By: Julie Brown
It was election year in the USA.
John McCain chose Sarah to save the day.
We were real excited, what a maverick choice!
Her only flaw was that annoying voice.
Sarah Palin (SP): “Oh Hi! I’m Sarah Pain!”
She looked so cool, with glasses and a gun,
Just like a nasty librarian.
She brought her kids for all of us to see.
They even licked each other on TV.
It’s a little gross but totally adorable!
The crowd was cheering. Everyone was stoked.
It was like the whole convention was totally coked!
(except for Joe Lieberman… douche!)
But when she talked, I saw the country go to Hell.
And all of a sudden somebody yelled:
“Look Out! The girl VP’s got a gun!!”
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen’s got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!
“Is this really happening??
I don’t believe it!!”
Sarah’s smiling and waving her gun,
sucking in Republicans one-by-one!
Does the GOP stand for gullible old party?
Can’t they see she’s just Alaskan Barbie?
And poor pregnant Bristol! I think I heard her shriek,
“Stop it Mom! You’re such a freak!
Why do you think I have a bun in the oven?
Do you blame me for getting some hockey player lovin’?”
Everybody run!
The girl VP’s got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!
Stop Sarah, I’m so afraid!
Don’t turn back Roe versus Wade!
She always gets excited when someone mentions drilling,
except the kind that gays do; then she’s really chilling.
SP: “Sex is just for guys and gals the Bible clearly states.
If you would just pray harder God would make you straight!”
Some guy: “I swear I’m gonna slap that lipstick OFF that pig!”
How could people think she’s the answer to their prayers?
She wants to pop a cap in all the polar bears!
And what’s with all this talk of her shooting caribou?
How could McNoBrain pick her? Is he sniffing glue?
Everybody run!
The girl VP’s got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!
You’re not that hot, I hate to be rude.
OK you’re better than Dick Cheney nude.
Last night I had a dream that she became Commander-in-Chief!
McLame had choked to death on a piece of un-chewed beef!
Then someone pissed her off. Was it Iraq or maybe Spain?
She said, “let’s nuke ‘em all ’cause all ferriners are the same!”
Then she started bombing France and Mexico and China!
OH MY GOD - She’s like Hitler with a vagina!
So then they started bombing back and I crawled into the oval office and I found Sarah under a desk…
(which is probably how she got the nomination in the first place)
…and I whispered in her face
“Sarah, why’d you do it?”
She lifted her singed beehive smiled and said,
“Oh gosh. I guess I did it for the children.”
“The children? The children?!?
What do you mean you did it for the children?
There are no children!! You killed them all, they’re dead!!!
You didn’t do it for the children!!!!!”
Then I woke up.
And I thought, Oh God!
This is like that story, that Christmas Carol, where the ghost of Christmas Future was going to amputate Tiny Tim’s leg.
But we can still vote for Barack and Joe and we’ll all be saved!
YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!
Unless we elect Barbie and Grampy McSame!
OH GOD No!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Everybody run!
The girl VP’s got a gun!
RUN!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!
(gunshots)
Run, Polar Bears, Run!
(gunshots)
Go, Gay Guys!
Get those assless chaps into gear!!
(gunshots)
Run knocked-up teens, you’re running for two!!!
She’s INSANE!
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!
(gunshots)
SP: “Oh I think I got one.”
SP: “Oh look, I winged a homo.”
(gunshots)
(gunshots)
SP: “Ooh, this is fun!”
(gunshots)
SP: “I got that one in the butt!”
(gunshots)
SP: “Whoo! Ye-HAAA! WhooHooHooHOO!!”
(gunshots)
This is probably funnier if you're familiar with the original parody (lyrics, video), also by Julie Brown.
The Ex-Beauty Queen Has Got a Gun
By: Julie Brown
It was election year in the USA.
John McCain chose Sarah to save the day.
We were real excited, what a maverick choice!
Her only flaw was that annoying voice.
Sarah Palin (SP): “Oh Hi! I’m Sarah Pain!”
She looked so cool, with glasses and a gun,
Just like a nasty librarian.
She brought her kids for all of us to see.
They even licked each other on TV.
It’s a little gross but totally adorable!
The crowd was cheering. Everyone was stoked.
It was like the whole convention was totally coked!
(except for Joe Lieberman… douche!)
But when she talked, I saw the country go to Hell.
And all of a sudden somebody yelled:
“Look Out! The girl VP’s got a gun!!”
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen’s got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!
“Is this really happening??
I don’t believe it!!”
Sarah’s smiling and waving her gun,
sucking in Republicans one-by-one!
Does the GOP stand for gullible old party?
Can’t they see she’s just Alaskan Barbie?
And poor pregnant Bristol! I think I heard her shriek,
“Stop it Mom! You’re such a freak!
Why do you think I have a bun in the oven?
Do you blame me for getting some hockey player lovin’?”
Everybody run!
The girl VP’s got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!
Stop Sarah, I’m so afraid!
Don’t turn back Roe versus Wade!
She always gets excited when someone mentions drilling,
except the kind that gays do; then she’s really chilling.
SP: “Sex is just for guys and gals the Bible clearly states.
If you would just pray harder God would make you straight!”
Some guy: “I swear I’m gonna slap that lipstick OFF that pig!”
How could people think she’s the answer to their prayers?
She wants to pop a cap in all the polar bears!
And what’s with all this talk of her shooting caribou?
How could McNoBrain pick her? Is he sniffing glue?
Everybody run!
The girl VP’s got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!
You’re not that hot, I hate to be rude.
OK you’re better than Dick Cheney nude.
Last night I had a dream that she became Commander-in-Chief!
McLame had choked to death on a piece of un-chewed beef!
Then someone pissed her off. Was it Iraq or maybe Spain?
She said, “let’s nuke ‘em all ’cause all ferriners are the same!”
Then she started bombing France and Mexico and China!
OH MY GOD - She’s like Hitler with a vagina!
So then they started bombing back and I crawled into the oval office and I found Sarah under a desk…
(which is probably how she got the nomination in the first place)
…and I whispered in her face
“Sarah, why’d you do it?”
She lifted her singed beehive smiled and said,
“Oh gosh. I guess I did it for the children.”
“The children? The children?!?
What do you mean you did it for the children?
There are no children!! You killed them all, they’re dead!!!
You didn’t do it for the children!!!!!”
Then I woke up.
And I thought, Oh God!
This is like that story, that Christmas Carol, where the ghost of Christmas Future was going to amputate Tiny Tim’s leg.
But we can still vote for Barack and Joe and we’ll all be saved!
YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!
Unless we elect Barbie and Grampy McSame!
OH GOD No!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Everybody run!
The girl VP’s got a gun!
RUN!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!
(gunshots)
Run, Polar Bears, Run!
(gunshots)
Go, Gay Guys!
Get those assless chaps into gear!!
(gunshots)
Run knocked-up teens, you’re running for two!!!
She’s INSANE!
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!
(gunshots)
SP: “Oh I think I got one.”
SP: “Oh look, I winged a homo.”
(gunshots)
(gunshots)
SP: “Ooh, this is fun!”
(gunshots)
SP: “I got that one in the butt!”
(gunshots)
SP: “Whoo! Ye-HAAA! WhooHooHooHOO!!”
(gunshots)