medieval sex rulessyntonic_commaAugust 23 2007, 12:18:03 UTC
Seriously?
Seriously! This is what the Church was teaching about when and how to have sex. There's a whole lot of holy days blocked out there, and then you've got to hope your cycle doesn't block out any days that are left!
Married more than three days? This must have been a regional variant. It wasn't mentioned in the classes I took; rather, you were expected to get right to it that first night. In some places, you were expected to keep at it for a few days, and that would be the only vacation you got your whole life.
Is it daylight? I don't remember this one either, but average peons had tasks to keep them busy all day anyway.
Are you naked? That's right, you weren't supposed to be naked with each other!
Are you in Church? A couple of teachers remarked on this one, about why they would even need such a rule. You've got to conclude that with so many rules about when, people must not have been so shy about where, in general. (Or maybe it was the only place you could get some privacy, if you lived in a hovel.)
Plus ca change...realinterrobangAugust 23 2007, 18:09:33 UTC
The thing is, you could remove some of the text in some of those boxes, and replace them with a few more updated rules, and you wouldn't be too far off the modern-day funnymentalists' view of sex; to wit, that anything that isn't something that you do basically under duress because you want to have children with your lawfully-wedded opposite-sex spouse is automatically sin, sin, sin, and possibly perversion, degeneracy, and incipient societal destruction to boot.
sex joke in my email today....syntonic_commaAugust 24 2007, 12:35:13 UTC
A modern, Orthodox, Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding, meets with their rabbi for counseling. The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
"Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the reception. But, we'd like your permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not. It's immodest. Men and women always dance separately."
"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
"No. It's forbidden."
"Well, okay, what about sex? Can we finally have sex?"
"Of course! Sex is a mitzvah [good thing] within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?"
"No problem. "It's a mitzvah!"
"Woman on top?"
"Sure. Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"
"Doggy style?"
"Sure! Another mitzvah!"
"On the kitchen table?"
"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"
"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"
Comments 7
Btw, how's your mom?
Reply
Seriously! This is what the Church was teaching about when and how to have sex. There's a whole lot of holy days blocked out there, and then you've got to hope your cycle doesn't block out any days that are left!
Married more than three days? This must have been a regional variant. It wasn't mentioned in the classes I took; rather, you were expected to get right to it that first night. In some places, you were expected to keep at it for a few days, and that would be the only vacation you got your whole life.
Is it daylight? I don't remember this one either, but average peons had tasks to keep them busy all day anyway.
Are you naked? That's right, you weren't supposed to be naked with each other!
Are you in Church? A couple of teachers remarked on this one, about why they would even need such a rule. You've got to conclude that with so many rules about when, people must not have been so shy about where, in general. (Or maybe it was the only place you could get some privacy, if you lived in a hovel.)
No fondling! ( ... )
Reply
Reply
I've been making a few backdated posts. ( ... )
Reply
*chuckles some more*
Reply
Reply
"Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the reception. But, we'd like your permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not. It's immodest. Men and women always dance separately."
"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
"No. It's forbidden."
"Well, okay, what about sex? Can we finally have sex?"
"Of course! Sex is a mitzvah [good thing] within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?"
"No problem. "It's a mitzvah!"
"Woman on top?"
"Sure. Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"
"Doggy style?"
"Sure! Another mitzvah!"
"On the kitchen table?"
"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"
"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"
"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"
"Can we do it standing up?""No ( ... )
Reply
Leave a comment