coming clean
dear everyone,
i'm terrified to write this post. i'm literally shaking.
but i have to. i can't hide anymore.
and i want everyone to know the truth.
me and michael met doug and effy through a mutual friend around late november/early december. all four of us hung out every so often doing what young people do.. hanging out, playing video games, casual drinking and such. nothing amazing. eventually i got both effy and doug's myspaces added to my friends list. doug and i talked alot. sending myspace messages every so often. we got along really well. we had alot in common. eventually we moved on to AIM and talked about almost anything you could think of. it was a good time.
around the time michael left for rocky ford, colorado & dallas, texas doug and i had started talking almost every night for hours on end. it seemed the conversation never stopped. when mike first left massachusetts it was really hard for me. but after a while i saw that i wasn't dieing. that i'm ok, and i can live a life without being attatched to him like a terrified child. that was huge for me.
after this revelation and alot of obvious flirting doug and i decided to hang out one day in late december. we met up at the north dartmouth mall on, went over to umass, and went for a walk around campus to see if we could get in. (apparently they occasionally leave doors open there for people who are going to school clubs and such.) we were going to see if we could find one of his friends, but to no avail. the doors were all locked. it was still a fun night though. we talked the whole time. which set aside fears of not being able to continue our awesome conversations outside of an AIM window.
after that day i was pretty confused. i still cared for michael very much, but suddenly had these new feelings for another. (i'd always had a crush on doug, but now i really liked him as a person.) i didn't want to lose michael, but it had been almost three years since i'd found somebody.. anybody.. i had such an amazing connection with. let alone some one who even interested me. i couldn't help but want to see where it would go. i felt terrible about it even though we hadn't done anything wrong at the time. i didn't want to be a homewrecker and ruin doug and effy's relationship. i didn't want to hurt effy either. she's a great girl, very sweet and funny. but i can't deny the way i felt. i didn't intend for any of the drama to happen the way it did.
we hung out once more at my house. again we had incredible conversation, laughs, it was a great time just hanging out. we have so much in common it's uncanny. when it was time to go doug went to leave. i ran up and kissed him. that's right. me. i did it. i jumped up, hugged him, and kissed him. he didn't fight it. it was amazing too. it was obvious we both liked each other quite the bit. later on we talked about it over AIM and how to go about it all without causing chaos between all four of us. that went out the window when doug broke it off with effy the next day.
shit hit the fan. effy ended up calling michael and told him. michael then called me from texas and questioned me about hanging out with doug and the kiss. i lied. i lied my fucking ass off. i was terrified. absolutely terrified. michael is my best friend in the world and i love him to death. the idea of him hating me or losing him was more than i could bare. (i was till a bit confused about how i felt at this point.) i didn't know what else to do. i did NOT have the heart to tell him the truth. he believed me after awhile. or believed me as much as he could at the time. i felt like such scum for it. but what else could i do?
doug and i stopped talking for a week or two until things cooled down. i was pretty upset with him for breaking it off with effy so soon. but that's his perrogative. eventually we hung out again at my house where we proceeded to take out our stress by beating the living daylights out of each other with some stuffed animals. yeah. i know. we're freaks.. anyway.. we ended up talking about it and reconciling. after awhile everything went back to the way it was before the sudden chaos. doug and i still talked as much as ever. sometimes all night long. i liked him more and more everyday. the same can be said for him about me. the only thing was that we had to keep it a secret. always lieing and making up excuses. i hated it, but i could see no other way around it. if i told michael the truth he would hate me with a passion. i can't live with that. if effy found out she'd tell michael as well.
from that point until now it has been a very delicate situation. eventually doug and i started dating more seriously a few weeks ago. i can NOT for the life of me.. bring myself to tell mike that i want to be with doug. i love michael and i care about him more than anyone. but i need a change. and this is my chance. i can't bare to crush him. but i'm not going to let a wonderful amazing person like doug pass me by. i really care about him alot now. we are now officially together and exclusive as a couple. now you know all know the truth about it all. i'm so sorry if i hurt you guys in the middle of all of this. i don't know what else to say. i hope we can all still be friends. if not then i understand completely. i never meant for any of this to happen this way. but i can't lie. i'm so incredibley glad i met doug and i'm exstatic to be with him.
i love you all. please, forgive us.
i only wanted to protect you from more pain michael, but i failed.
you'll always have a special place in my heart. you're still my best friend ever.
love, whitney <3
i'm terrified to write this post. i'm literally shaking.
but i have to. i can't hide anymore.
and i want everyone to know the truth.
me and michael met doug and effy through a mutual friend around late november/early december. all four of us hung out every so often doing what young people do.. hanging out, playing video games, casual drinking and such. nothing amazing. eventually i got both effy and doug's myspaces added to my friends list. doug and i talked alot. sending myspace messages every so often. we got along really well. we had alot in common. eventually we moved on to AIM and talked about almost anything you could think of. it was a good time.
around the time michael left for rocky ford, colorado & dallas, texas doug and i had started talking almost every night for hours on end. it seemed the conversation never stopped. when mike first left massachusetts it was really hard for me. but after a while i saw that i wasn't dieing. that i'm ok, and i can live a life without being attatched to him like a terrified child. that was huge for me.
after this revelation and alot of obvious flirting doug and i decided to hang out one day in late december. we met up at the north dartmouth mall on, went over to umass, and went for a walk around campus to see if we could get in. (apparently they occasionally leave doors open there for people who are going to school clubs and such.) we were going to see if we could find one of his friends, but to no avail. the doors were all locked. it was still a fun night though. we talked the whole time. which set aside fears of not being able to continue our awesome conversations outside of an AIM window.
after that day i was pretty confused. i still cared for michael very much, but suddenly had these new feelings for another. (i'd always had a crush on doug, but now i really liked him as a person.) i didn't want to lose michael, but it had been almost three years since i'd found somebody.. anybody.. i had such an amazing connection with. let alone some one who even interested me. i couldn't help but want to see where it would go. i felt terrible about it even though we hadn't done anything wrong at the time. i didn't want to be a homewrecker and ruin doug and effy's relationship. i didn't want to hurt effy either. she's a great girl, very sweet and funny. but i can't deny the way i felt. i didn't intend for any of the drama to happen the way it did.
we hung out once more at my house. again we had incredible conversation, laughs, it was a great time just hanging out. we have so much in common it's uncanny. when it was time to go doug went to leave. i ran up and kissed him. that's right. me. i did it. i jumped up, hugged him, and kissed him. he didn't fight it. it was amazing too. it was obvious we both liked each other quite the bit. later on we talked about it over AIM and how to go about it all without causing chaos between all four of us. that went out the window when doug broke it off with effy the next day.
shit hit the fan. effy ended up calling michael and told him. michael then called me from texas and questioned me about hanging out with doug and the kiss. i lied. i lied my fucking ass off. i was terrified. absolutely terrified. michael is my best friend in the world and i love him to death. the idea of him hating me or losing him was more than i could bare. (i was till a bit confused about how i felt at this point.) i didn't know what else to do. i did NOT have the heart to tell him the truth. he believed me after awhile. or believed me as much as he could at the time. i felt like such scum for it. but what else could i do?
doug and i stopped talking for a week or two until things cooled down. i was pretty upset with him for breaking it off with effy so soon. but that's his perrogative. eventually we hung out again at my house where we proceeded to take out our stress by beating the living daylights out of each other with some stuffed animals. yeah. i know. we're freaks.. anyway.. we ended up talking about it and reconciling. after awhile everything went back to the way it was before the sudden chaos. doug and i still talked as much as ever. sometimes all night long. i liked him more and more everyday. the same can be said for him about me. the only thing was that we had to keep it a secret. always lieing and making up excuses. i hated it, but i could see no other way around it. if i told michael the truth he would hate me with a passion. i can't live with that. if effy found out she'd tell michael as well.
from that point until now it has been a very delicate situation. eventually doug and i started dating more seriously a few weeks ago. i can NOT for the life of me.. bring myself to tell mike that i want to be with doug. i love michael and i care about him more than anyone. but i need a change. and this is my chance. i can't bare to crush him. but i'm not going to let a wonderful amazing person like doug pass me by. i really care about him alot now. we are now officially together and exclusive as a couple. now you know all know the truth about it all. i'm so sorry if i hurt you guys in the middle of all of this. i don't know what else to say. i hope we can all still be friends. if not then i understand completely. i never meant for any of this to happen this way. but i can't lie. i'm so incredibley glad i met doug and i'm exstatic to be with him.
i love you all. please, forgive us.
i only wanted to protect you from more pain michael, but i failed.
you'll always have a special place in my heart. you're still my best friend ever.
love, whitney <3