Layer: 134
its been such awhile since ive wrote.
only now do i feel like writing.
alot has happened since my last entry.
been decieved/lied to by my parents and family time and time again, the number is too great to remember or record...
ive taken in a friend who is taking my generosity for granted, raised my stress, brought items in my house of which i am not comfortable with, owed me money, and used my belongings without thanks
been troubled by neighbors who know not the meaning of shame or decency
stressed out, taken for granted, lied to, etc. by many,
ive been ill with some sickness that i am just now overcoming
been plagued by a drought of creativity and will to create art (in all forms that i create), filled with rage and anger (of which i have not seen in myself in sometime), grief, pain, sorrow.
at times i feel however there is an evergrowing emptiness grwoing inside of me. i can only speculate what is causing it but i know in all due time its true face shall be revealed and i shall confront it. if i search... it shall be fruitless as it always has been and always will be. til then i shall wait and gather strength for innerpeace.
i feel that that will never come. i am truly lost. i feel my spirit has abandoned me and i am just now nothing more than a shell of what i once was or what i was aspiring to be. if there is yet hope then for now i am blinded and cannot see anything infront of me.
i use to cry tears of water, then of blood, now nothing. for everything (almost...?) is drained
i have forgotten who i am
[ so many things still linger in the back of my mind... etc. ]
...
only now do i feel like writing.
alot has happened since my last entry.
been decieved/lied to by my parents and family time and time again, the number is too great to remember or record...
ive taken in a friend who is taking my generosity for granted, raised my stress, brought items in my house of which i am not comfortable with, owed me money, and used my belongings without thanks
been troubled by neighbors who know not the meaning of shame or decency
stressed out, taken for granted, lied to, etc. by many,
ive been ill with some sickness that i am just now overcoming
been plagued by a drought of creativity and will to create art (in all forms that i create), filled with rage and anger (of which i have not seen in myself in sometime), grief, pain, sorrow.
at times i feel however there is an evergrowing emptiness grwoing inside of me. i can only speculate what is causing it but i know in all due time its true face shall be revealed and i shall confront it. if i search... it shall be fruitless as it always has been and always will be. til then i shall wait and gather strength for innerpeace.
i feel that that will never come. i am truly lost. i feel my spirit has abandoned me and i am just now nothing more than a shell of what i once was or what i was aspiring to be. if there is yet hope then for now i am blinded and cannot see anything infront of me.
i use to cry tears of water, then of blood, now nothing. for everything (almost...?) is drained
i have forgotten who i am
[ so many things still linger in the back of my mind... etc. ]
...