feeding on the need for you to know me
Lj-in' at work again, because I hate the internet at home, and also because I spend all of my time at home playing video games and sleeping. I think I'm turning into Josh, who by the way, has been confusing the hell out of me lately.
He spent about two weeks being utterly listless.. not even wanting to get out of bed. It made me miserable, because I had to pretend to be all energetic to get him to do anything with me, even go see X-3 or get something to eat. I also felt like he wasn't feeling good mentally, like he was depressed (well, more than usual). I tried talking to him about it and he blew me off saying "I'm always depressed, I have depression. I'm no more depressed now than I normally am" which made me a little angry. Having depression does not mean you are "always depressed". Well, not for me anyway.
He's getting out of his Brian Wilson phase and we've spent the past two days arguing. Not really about anything in particular, but also not in the way we normally do where it's more of a game than an agrument. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive and it still is a game, I just can't see it because I'm focused on other things like work, France and Angela. She's having a better time of things since she and Baun split, but it's still rough for her and I worry that she's hiding what she's really feeling from me because she doesn't want me to get upset or kill Baun. Ehrm.. back to Josh. I guess what's really got my knickers in a twist is what he said to me yesterday at dinner. I don't remember the exact quote, but basically it came out like: The main reason I'm still with you is because you don't try to stop me from playing Magic and D&D.
Whaaa? That was seriously my response. I got upset and told him I didn't think that was a good reason. I said that maybe loving me should be the main reason to stay with me. To which I got the reply that being okay with gaming was a pre-requisite for being loved by Josh. Yargh.. I don't get him sometimes. I don't know what he really means when he says this stuff. Is he trying to tell me that there's someone else he wants to be with but won't because she's not okay with him having dork-time? Is he saying that's the only thing I have going for me in this relationship? It's confusing as hell. I'm taking a couple days to figure it out if I can and have a talk with him about it tomorrow maybe.
Work. Is. Borring. Saturday is a slow email day, and people who've been sending them in are total dust-cunts.
Also- I like candy and going for walks in the cemetary with Angela. I like gossiping about the people we graduated with and swinging on the swingset at the elementary school. I like my town, even with all it's politics and back-biting. It's a beautiful place. It would make an awesome hippie-town if it weren't for all the conservative a-holes.
He spent about two weeks being utterly listless.. not even wanting to get out of bed. It made me miserable, because I had to pretend to be all energetic to get him to do anything with me, even go see X-3 or get something to eat. I also felt like he wasn't feeling good mentally, like he was depressed (well, more than usual). I tried talking to him about it and he blew me off saying "I'm always depressed, I have depression. I'm no more depressed now than I normally am" which made me a little angry. Having depression does not mean you are "always depressed". Well, not for me anyway.
He's getting out of his Brian Wilson phase and we've spent the past two days arguing. Not really about anything in particular, but also not in the way we normally do where it's more of a game than an agrument. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive and it still is a game, I just can't see it because I'm focused on other things like work, France and Angela. She's having a better time of things since she and Baun split, but it's still rough for her and I worry that she's hiding what she's really feeling from me because she doesn't want me to get upset or kill Baun. Ehrm.. back to Josh. I guess what's really got my knickers in a twist is what he said to me yesterday at dinner. I don't remember the exact quote, but basically it came out like: The main reason I'm still with you is because you don't try to stop me from playing Magic and D&D.
Whaaa? That was seriously my response. I got upset and told him I didn't think that was a good reason. I said that maybe loving me should be the main reason to stay with me. To which I got the reply that being okay with gaming was a pre-requisite for being loved by Josh. Yargh.. I don't get him sometimes. I don't know what he really means when he says this stuff. Is he trying to tell me that there's someone else he wants to be with but won't because she's not okay with him having dork-time? Is he saying that's the only thing I have going for me in this relationship? It's confusing as hell. I'm taking a couple days to figure it out if I can and have a talk with him about it tomorrow maybe.
Work. Is. Borring. Saturday is a slow email day, and people who've been sending them in are total dust-cunts.
Also- I like candy and going for walks in the cemetary with Angela. I like gossiping about the people we graduated with and swinging on the swingset at the elementary school. I like my town, even with all it's politics and back-biting. It's a beautiful place. It would make an awesome hippie-town if it weren't for all the conservative a-holes.