Foxxie has a real life story to tell, oh noes. Hopefully people learn from it though.
Saying you're sorry does not always make up for past transgressions. The saying actions speak louder than words actually does have meaning. Foxxie has recently had experience with this so Foxxie has a tale to tell and hopefully some learn. The only reason Foxxie is speaking of this is because Foxxie needs to get it off of her chest and she hopes ( Read more... )
Foxxie, you are a sweetheart and a brave and awesome-hearted person. I hope you know that. I am sorry this story was so painful to share; I can feel your loneliness in it - when you stand for something you know is just right and you want to be able to stand proud for yourself and for your right-heartedness toward others, but then some evil person [a COWARD] goes and demolishes dear parts of your world.
And I - I've been where you were at, before, once, too. I am so glad that you didn't, that you haven't, done anything 'stupid' either; though in my own way I do very much get it; and I'm not standing here in judgment or criticizing that feeling, by any means. No way.
I know I'm a relative stranger still, but even so - I would ask: If you ever do have a 'next time' that you feel like that, please force, push yourself, to telling one or two of your closest (wherever they are) friends outright? Please? Okay? Because you are beautiful. You're a beautiful person. I'm pretty sure I can safely speak for a whole bunch of people when I say "We all love you here!"
Personally: You're a delight. And sweet. And I like you all the more for reading this post. I feel like there's more to admire about someone I was already feeling fondness for. So now I like you A LOT. ♥ :)
I would like to say that experiences of what humanity can be like in life doesn't get harder, or more shocking, but, as I have a few years on you, I want to hug you now as a co-traveler in life - because we all need it - and say: Just hold on to your dear, *real* friends, "with both hands" as the saying goes - because I'm sorry to say that my experience has been eye-opening and rough. Especially over the last year.
But also, to encourage you: I've been really amazed almost as equally at some of the displays of courage, heart, and selflessness that I have witnessed alongside of it.
Just...the last thought, that I want to leave with you? ~ Whatever happens going forward with that gentleman (the would-be suitor/spouse) - I believe there will be a day, if it hasn't come already, when he will think on you and believe that in part he owes you part of his life, or at least some inner shred he retains of himself, his dignity, as a result of your humaneness and rightness, & courage and kindness. You gave him something he will be able to believe in, in other people, that will sustain him in his life. It may not be what he's focused on now, or right away - but I know from personal experience that just holding on to the goodness you've seen & experienced in even just a few individuals can be enough to hold your head that crucial inch above water, when otherwise you'd drown.
I want you to take that into your heart, and know that you loved another human being selflessly, and know and feel that you're loved (if you do not believe in God, then by '?' out there) back.
Because surely you are.
♥
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I've got to say that I am pretty lucky, I haven't been that depressed in a very long time (quite a few months), and now I'm engaged to the awesomest woman out there (individual_68) who makes me smile and manages to cheer me up when I'm feeling even the slightest bit of down. Now that I look back on it I'm glad that I stood up for what I thought was right because when I have kids or something like that I can point to that and say that's why you should stand up for what you believe in.
To this day I haven't actually told the three people who pretty much saved my life that they did, I keep trying to find the right words but never can form them properly. You know? I mean it's not something you can just jump on messenger and exclaim, "hey, you saved my life! Thought you ought to know." Maybe one day.
Oh yeah, my real friends are never going to get let go... and my new friends are made with reservations. It was defiantly one of those things that gets slotted in the "life lessons" category.
Anymore I just try to look at things positively (which irritates some people sometimes because I've gone and dumped most of my programming for looking at the depressing things in life - not much gets me down to that level anymore).
It really is something to hold onto - the goodness in people, I mean to say. Whenever I'm down there are friends who figure it out and make me smile.
The guy [Gary], he's doing really good now... he's moved on a bit and even has a girlfriend [his own age]. He's not back to the financial stability that he was at... but he's getting there.
I don't really have a good ending other than a thanks, lol.
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I'm very glad things are better.
You had me worried...your whole journal page turned green & all... xD
(But I hafta admit, that red hurt my eyes. LOL)
And Congratulations on the engagement! That's very cool.
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Lol, I swear I didn't visit the Keeper even if Rahlsikens has arm pr0n and Cara is nekkid.
That's the reason I turned it from red to green, a few of my friends begged me to change it and then my professor said that green on black is proven to not hurt eyes (which is why programmers who write code in command prompt stick with green on black).
Thanks, am pretty da-gawn excited.
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