Everyone Needs A Theme Song!
Title: Everyone Needs A Theme Song!
Author: synergyfox
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: I may have been watching a little to much... Xena... and... and... Joxer's jingles... might have gotten stuck in my head...
Disclaimer: Don't own 'um.
A/N: mrs_jack_turner said 1... so... *points* granted it kinda got mixed with Drunken!Kahlan... so... *shifty eyes* A word to the wise... just keep the Joxer the Mighty beat in your head throughout this, it can be listened to here... or ya know... *holds up Xena Soundtrack* sadly I don't have the Bordello version... *sniffle*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Cara groaned as she flopped face-first onto the lush bed, half-asleep when she nuzzled the cool, silk sheets, closing her eyes. When Richard had been dragged off by the Sisters of the Light so he could learn to touch his Han and be a Wizard, Kahlan had stepped up as the badass Mother Confessor she was. She demanded Zedd name the Mord'Sith the temporary Seeker of Truth, listing off numerous, logical reasons as to why Cara was the best choice.
After a couple of hours Zedd had agreed with the Mother Confessor whole heartedly; the first hour was spent with Cara tuning out the conversation, watching Kahlan make funny hand gestures (one of which involved twisting Zedd's ear). The second hour of the argument left Cara incredibly bored (one could only tune something out for so long), so she decided to practice her balancing skills. Unluckily for her this also happened to be when the argument ended and the other two reached an agreement. Cara had been doing a handstand (with one hand mind you) all the while balancing both of her Agiels on their ends, holding one handle in her free hand.
Cara burrowed deeper into the silk, thoroughly enjoying the fluffiness of the bed, her leather clad legs dangling off the edge of the bed. She still had a bruise on her backside from earlier that week when Kahlan had startled her in the middle of balancing. If it had not have been for the perfectly placed pine cone she wouldn't have said bruise in such an inconvenient location.
She sighed as she moved her hand down her side, gripping the small pouch attached to her belt where the Stone of Tears was resting. They were currently two days out from the Pillars of Creation (one if they road fast tomorrow) and upon reaching a relatively small town (one Cara knew very well from her days as a Mord'Sith at a nearby Temple) she made the command decision to stop for the night. Cara regretted her choice almost instantly in choosing to stay at the brothel she once frequented when Kahlan and the brothel owner hit it off.
Speaking of Kahlan and the brothel owner, Cara's purse pouch was immensely lighter due to having to bribe the owner not to reveal anything about Cara's earlier days when she went upstairs to rest.
Zedd and Kahlan were still down stairs, enjoying the food and the entertainment... well... Zedd was probably enjoying the food and entertainment. Knowing her luck Kahlan was still rubbing elbows with Adelyn.
The Mord'Sith closed her eyes, smiling tiredly and nuzzling the silk sheets.
Her head shot up, eyes widening at the sound of a familiar beat.
Cara lept from the bed, grabbing the Sword of Truth with one hand and slinging it across her back with ease, nearly ripping the door off of its hinges in her haste (and, loathe she was to admit it, fear). The beat was getting louder and she crashed rather animatedly into the railing, casting her glaze downwards.
Kahlan was sitting on top of the bar, one thigh thrown over the other (quite visible in her dark traveling dress and oh-so-sexy thigh-high boots just topped it off), holding a mug of mead in one hand and using her index and middle finger to "direct" the working women, a cute (yet drunken) smile plastered on her face.
Cara's face met the palm of her gloved hand and she visible wilted with embarrassment; Zedd was dancing around with three of the trollops. The Mord'Sith (and Seeker) scurried down the stairs and started towards Adelyn, moving to draw one of her Agiels and punish the woman for this atrocity.
"Ooh! Cara!" Kahlan jumped off of the bar and scrambled over to her, the mead sloshing over the edge of her mug and down Cara's leather-clad back as she threw her arms around the woman, a bit of it running down the back of her neck. She shuddered and Kahlan smiled sweetly before planting a sloppy, wet kiss on Cara's lips before yanking Cara flush against her body. The Mord'Sith normally would have been perfectly fine with her face pressed firmly against the chest of the Mother Confessor... at least when oxygen wasn't becoming an issue and there wasn't another Mord'Sith handy for the Breath of Life.
Kahlan gripped Cara's shoulders (just as she was starting to feel woozy from the lack of available air) and held the blonde at arm's length, mead sloshing into Cara's hair, running down the side of her face, down her neck and seeping into her leathers.
"Guess what!" The brunette exclaimed, grinning excitedly.
Cara blinked, making a face when she felt the mead continue to soak into her skin, leathers and hair, "What?"
"You're not guessing..." Kahlan whined, her smile falling as she began to pout.
Cara's brows furrowed and shit bit her lower lip, "Er... you're... pregnant?"
Kahlan smacked her shoulder, getting more mead onto her blonde companion, "No, silly goose..." She thrust her arm to the side, pointing at Adelyn around the mug, the last of the mead sloshing over her hand and onto the floor, "She taught me a song! I'ma sing it for you." She giggled, almost swooning.
Cara's eyes widened and and her cheeks flushed when she caught sight of the all to innocent looking redhead, "Oh... and... what song is that?" Cara asked, turning her head to look at Kahlan.
"Do you wanna hear it!?" Kahlan asked, jumping up and down excitedly, her blue eyes widening with hope.
Cara's stomach twisted, "Of course..."
Kahlan jumped away and skipped over to the bar, putting the mug down and throwing her arms up dramatically, making a perfect "Y" with her body, "Ladies!" She squealed and Zedd let out a loud snore as he slumped over the table, "Sleepy man and perverted males!" She twirled her wrists in the air, pointing a finger in Cara's direction, "Sit."
Cara did so, not wanting to aggravate the Mother Confessor in her tipsy state-of-mind, "Okay..."
"Now!" Kahlan grinned and twirled her wrists dramatically again and a few of the patrons (and trollops) started began to bang their mugs on the tables the were sitting at, striking up a very familiar (and mortifying) beat.
Kahlan bounced and took a breath, "Cara the Mord'Sith, Mistress of virility. Every woman wants her! Cara's so sexy it's a sin. If you want a special tryst she's the woman you can't resist! By every measure she's a prize!" All of the women in the brothel were singing.
Cara groaned and moved her hand to her face, utterly mortified, "Just check out the size of her Agiel! Ha-ha!" Kahlan exclaimed, jumping onto Cara's lap, an arm draping around Cara's neck, scissoring her legs a few times.
Kahlan planted a sloppy, wet kiss on Cara's cheek before jumping up and dancing around the room, stealing a mug of mead, "Cara the Mord'Sith, Mistress of debauchery. Never seems to get enough of our tantalizing stuff! If you need some company with Cara there's a guarantee!"
Zedd's head shot up, "Of the highest potency!" Cara groaned and scrunched her face up, she did not wish to hear Zedd say those words ever again.
"Heck, I'd even work for free!" Adelyn grinned and Cara shot her a withering glare.
"She's Cara--- Cara the Mord'Sith!" They all chimed in and Kahlan plopped onto Cara's lap again, smiling happily.
"Well?" Kahlan asked, looking for approval from the blonde woman.
Cara offered a small smile, "It was... wonderful..." She muttered and stood, lifting Kahlan as she stood with ease, "Pardon me..." She muttered, throwing a glare at the brothel owner, "I am never leaving you alone with her again."
"Mmhmm... have a good night Seeker."
"I am Mord'Sith." Cara snapped, "I am only the temporary Seeker." She muttered, stomping up the stairs with Kahlan securely in her arms.
Kahlan squealed and threw her arms around Cara's neck again, smiling happily as she pressed her nose to the blonde's now sticky neck, "And you owe me a free bath, harlot! Giving the Mother Confessor alcohol... ugh... teaching her that song... I am not the Mistress of debauchery!"
She almost missed a step when she felt Kahaln's lips (and tongue, oh Creator that tongue) on her neck, cleaning the leftover liquid from her skin, "Yes you are." Kahlan whispered into her ear, nipping at her earlobe, "... and you're the Seeker... which..." Kahlan paused, planting a kiss at Cara's pulse point, "... is incredibly sexy."
Cara's jaw dropped, she definitely was enjoying that particular perk to being the Seeker: Kahlan fawning over her, tipsy though she may be...
"Mistress of virility..." Kahlan whispered and Cara rolled her eyes.
"You're banned from singing that song ever again."
"But I like it..." Kahlan whined and Cara nudged the door open with her foot.
Cara rolled her eyes dramatically, "Only in private then..." She relented, moving into the room and kicking the door closed.
"Yay!" Kahlan exclaimed as Cara dropped her on the bed and grabbed Cara by the collar of her leather top, green eyes widened, "Sexytimes!" She yanked the blonde down on top of her, kissing her sloppily.
Cara pulled back, panting slightly, "I'll be right back..." She stood quickly and Kahlan whined momentarily; the Mord'Sith moved to freshen up at the basin of water.
Kahlan smiled happily, kicking in the air, "Cara the Mord'Sith, Mistress of virility. Every woman wants her! Cara's so sexy it's a sin..." She continued to smile, pulling one of the pillows to her chest, nuzzling it contently, soft snores filling the room within seconds.
"You don't get to touch alcohol anymore..." Cara muttered, moving back to her Confessor to get the woman's boots off so she could sleep more comfortably.
It took a good 10 minutes but Cara finally got the thigh-high boots off, climbing slowly in next to her (now rid of the leathers and a little less devoid of sticky skin), pulling the silk sheets up. Cara sighed and threw an arm (and a leg) over Kahlan, closing her eyes, hopefully she won't remember that ridiculous song.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And since I love being cruel to Cara in cracky-ways...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Cara groaned as she sat atop her horse, the Sword of Truth hanging across her back, Agiels at her thigh as Kahlan and Zedd hummed, occasionally inputting words as they did so.
"How many versions of that song did she teach you?!" Cara shouted, finally loosing it.
Kahlan's eyes twinkled with amusement as she cleared her throat and took a breath, "Cara the Seeker, Mistress of the Mord'Sith, here to always save the day. Stick with her you'll never stray if there's a hungry Shadrin. She's the woman who'll get you through, even if you're slightly nude - she's Cara! Cara the Seeker!"
Cara let out another groan, letting her head drop forward.
"What? I just thought of that one!"
"Oh! Let me give it a whirl." Zedd exclaimed and cleared his own throat.
"Whyyyyyyyyyyy?" Cara wailed, gripping the reigns of her horse, "Why did you do this to me Lord Rahl?" She asked, looking up at the clear sky.
"Every self-respecting Seeker needs a theme song, Cara..." Kahlan grinned.
"You owe me... so much... Lord Rahl..." She hissed up at the sky as Zedd began to belt out a few lines.
A/N: First reviewer get's the next one :)
Author: synergyfox
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: I may have been watching a little to much... Xena... and... and... Joxer's jingles... might have gotten stuck in my head...
Disclaimer: Don't own 'um.
A/N: mrs_jack_turner said 1... so... *points* granted it kinda got mixed with Drunken!Kahlan... so... *shifty eyes* A word to the wise... just keep the Joxer the Mighty beat in your head throughout this, it can be listened to here... or ya know... *holds up Xena Soundtrack* sadly I don't have the Bordello version... *sniffle*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Cara groaned as she flopped face-first onto the lush bed, half-asleep when she nuzzled the cool, silk sheets, closing her eyes. When Richard had been dragged off by the Sisters of the Light so he could learn to touch his Han and be a Wizard, Kahlan had stepped up as the badass Mother Confessor she was. She demanded Zedd name the Mord'Sith the temporary Seeker of Truth, listing off numerous, logical reasons as to why Cara was the best choice.
After a couple of hours Zedd had agreed with the Mother Confessor whole heartedly; the first hour was spent with Cara tuning out the conversation, watching Kahlan make funny hand gestures (one of which involved twisting Zedd's ear). The second hour of the argument left Cara incredibly bored (one could only tune something out for so long), so she decided to practice her balancing skills. Unluckily for her this also happened to be when the argument ended and the other two reached an agreement. Cara had been doing a handstand (with one hand mind you) all the while balancing both of her Agiels on their ends, holding one handle in her free hand.
Cara burrowed deeper into the silk, thoroughly enjoying the fluffiness of the bed, her leather clad legs dangling off the edge of the bed. She still had a bruise on her backside from earlier that week when Kahlan had startled her in the middle of balancing. If it had not have been for the perfectly placed pine cone she wouldn't have said bruise in such an inconvenient location.
She sighed as she moved her hand down her side, gripping the small pouch attached to her belt where the Stone of Tears was resting. They were currently two days out from the Pillars of Creation (one if they road fast tomorrow) and upon reaching a relatively small town (one Cara knew very well from her days as a Mord'Sith at a nearby Temple) she made the command decision to stop for the night. Cara regretted her choice almost instantly in choosing to stay at the brothel she once frequented when Kahlan and the brothel owner hit it off.
Speaking of Kahlan and the brothel owner, Cara's purse pouch was immensely lighter due to having to bribe the owner not to reveal anything about Cara's earlier days when she went upstairs to rest.
Zedd and Kahlan were still down stairs, enjoying the food and the entertainment... well... Zedd was probably enjoying the food and entertainment. Knowing her luck Kahlan was still rubbing elbows with Adelyn.
The Mord'Sith closed her eyes, smiling tiredly and nuzzling the silk sheets.
Her head shot up, eyes widening at the sound of a familiar beat.
Cara lept from the bed, grabbing the Sword of Truth with one hand and slinging it across her back with ease, nearly ripping the door off of its hinges in her haste (and, loathe she was to admit it, fear). The beat was getting louder and she crashed rather animatedly into the railing, casting her glaze downwards.
Kahlan was sitting on top of the bar, one thigh thrown over the other (quite visible in her dark traveling dress and oh-so-sexy thigh-high boots just topped it off), holding a mug of mead in one hand and using her index and middle finger to "direct" the working women, a cute (yet drunken) smile plastered on her face.
Cara's face met the palm of her gloved hand and she visible wilted with embarrassment; Zedd was dancing around with three of the trollops. The Mord'Sith (and Seeker) scurried down the stairs and started towards Adelyn, moving to draw one of her Agiels and punish the woman for this atrocity.
"Ooh! Cara!" Kahlan jumped off of the bar and scrambled over to her, the mead sloshing over the edge of her mug and down Cara's leather-clad back as she threw her arms around the woman, a bit of it running down the back of her neck. She shuddered and Kahlan smiled sweetly before planting a sloppy, wet kiss on Cara's lips before yanking Cara flush against her body. The Mord'Sith normally would have been perfectly fine with her face pressed firmly against the chest of the Mother Confessor... at least when oxygen wasn't becoming an issue and there wasn't another Mord'Sith handy for the Breath of Life.
Kahlan gripped Cara's shoulders (just as she was starting to feel woozy from the lack of available air) and held the blonde at arm's length, mead sloshing into Cara's hair, running down the side of her face, down her neck and seeping into her leathers.
"Guess what!" The brunette exclaimed, grinning excitedly.
Cara blinked, making a face when she felt the mead continue to soak into her skin, leathers and hair, "What?"
"You're not guessing..." Kahlan whined, her smile falling as she began to pout.
Cara's brows furrowed and shit bit her lower lip, "Er... you're... pregnant?"
Kahlan smacked her shoulder, getting more mead onto her blonde companion, "No, silly goose..." She thrust her arm to the side, pointing at Adelyn around the mug, the last of the mead sloshing over her hand and onto the floor, "She taught me a song! I'ma sing it for you." She giggled, almost swooning.
Cara's eyes widened and and her cheeks flushed when she caught sight of the all to innocent looking redhead, "Oh... and... what song is that?" Cara asked, turning her head to look at Kahlan.
"Do you wanna hear it!?" Kahlan asked, jumping up and down excitedly, her blue eyes widening with hope.
Cara's stomach twisted, "Of course..."
Kahlan jumped away and skipped over to the bar, putting the mug down and throwing her arms up dramatically, making a perfect "Y" with her body, "Ladies!" She squealed and Zedd let out a loud snore as he slumped over the table, "Sleepy man and perverted males!" She twirled her wrists in the air, pointing a finger in Cara's direction, "Sit."
Cara did so, not wanting to aggravate the Mother Confessor in her tipsy state-of-mind, "Okay..."
"Now!" Kahlan grinned and twirled her wrists dramatically again and a few of the patrons (and trollops) started began to bang their mugs on the tables the were sitting at, striking up a very familiar (and mortifying) beat.
Kahlan bounced and took a breath, "Cara the Mord'Sith, Mistress of virility. Every woman wants her! Cara's so sexy it's a sin. If you want a special tryst she's the woman you can't resist! By every measure she's a prize!" All of the women in the brothel were singing.
Cara groaned and moved her hand to her face, utterly mortified, "Just check out the size of her Agiel! Ha-ha!" Kahlan exclaimed, jumping onto Cara's lap, an arm draping around Cara's neck, scissoring her legs a few times.
Kahlan planted a sloppy, wet kiss on Cara's cheek before jumping up and dancing around the room, stealing a mug of mead, "Cara the Mord'Sith, Mistress of debauchery. Never seems to get enough of our tantalizing stuff! If you need some company with Cara there's a guarantee!"
Zedd's head shot up, "Of the highest potency!" Cara groaned and scrunched her face up, she did not wish to hear Zedd say those words ever again.
"Heck, I'd even work for free!" Adelyn grinned and Cara shot her a withering glare.
"She's Cara--- Cara the Mord'Sith!" They all chimed in and Kahlan plopped onto Cara's lap again, smiling happily.
"Well?" Kahlan asked, looking for approval from the blonde woman.
Cara offered a small smile, "It was... wonderful..." She muttered and stood, lifting Kahlan as she stood with ease, "Pardon me..." She muttered, throwing a glare at the brothel owner, "I am never leaving you alone with her again."
"Mmhmm... have a good night Seeker."
"I am Mord'Sith." Cara snapped, "I am only the temporary Seeker." She muttered, stomping up the stairs with Kahlan securely in her arms.
Kahlan squealed and threw her arms around Cara's neck again, smiling happily as she pressed her nose to the blonde's now sticky neck, "And you owe me a free bath, harlot! Giving the Mother Confessor alcohol... ugh... teaching her that song... I am not the Mistress of debauchery!"
She almost missed a step when she felt Kahaln's lips (and tongue, oh Creator that tongue) on her neck, cleaning the leftover liquid from her skin, "Yes you are." Kahlan whispered into her ear, nipping at her earlobe, "... and you're the Seeker... which..." Kahlan paused, planting a kiss at Cara's pulse point, "... is incredibly sexy."
Cara's jaw dropped, she definitely was enjoying that particular perk to being the Seeker: Kahlan fawning over her, tipsy though she may be...
"Mistress of virility..." Kahlan whispered and Cara rolled her eyes.
"You're banned from singing that song ever again."
"But I like it..." Kahlan whined and Cara nudged the door open with her foot.
Cara rolled her eyes dramatically, "Only in private then..." She relented, moving into the room and kicking the door closed.
"Yay!" Kahlan exclaimed as Cara dropped her on the bed and grabbed Cara by the collar of her leather top, green eyes widened, "Sexytimes!" She yanked the blonde down on top of her, kissing her sloppily.
Cara pulled back, panting slightly, "I'll be right back..." She stood quickly and Kahlan whined momentarily; the Mord'Sith moved to freshen up at the basin of water.
Kahlan smiled happily, kicking in the air, "Cara the Mord'Sith, Mistress of virility. Every woman wants her! Cara's so sexy it's a sin..." She continued to smile, pulling one of the pillows to her chest, nuzzling it contently, soft snores filling the room within seconds.
"You don't get to touch alcohol anymore..." Cara muttered, moving back to her Confessor to get the woman's boots off so she could sleep more comfortably.
It took a good 10 minutes but Cara finally got the thigh-high boots off, climbing slowly in next to her (now rid of the leathers and a little less devoid of sticky skin), pulling the silk sheets up. Cara sighed and threw an arm (and a leg) over Kahlan, closing her eyes, hopefully she won't remember that ridiculous song.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And since I love being cruel to Cara in cracky-ways...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Cara groaned as she sat atop her horse, the Sword of Truth hanging across her back, Agiels at her thigh as Kahlan and Zedd hummed, occasionally inputting words as they did so.
"How many versions of that song did she teach you?!" Cara shouted, finally loosing it.
Kahlan's eyes twinkled with amusement as she cleared her throat and took a breath, "Cara the Seeker, Mistress of the Mord'Sith, here to always save the day. Stick with her you'll never stray if there's a hungry Shadrin. She's the woman who'll get you through, even if you're slightly nude - she's Cara! Cara the Seeker!"
Cara let out another groan, letting her head drop forward.
"What? I just thought of that one!"
"Oh! Let me give it a whirl." Zedd exclaimed and cleared his own throat.
"Whyyyyyyyyyyy?" Cara wailed, gripping the reigns of her horse, "Why did you do this to me Lord Rahl?" She asked, looking up at the clear sky.
"Every self-respecting Seeker needs a theme song, Cara..." Kahlan grinned.
"You owe me... so much... Lord Rahl..." She hissed up at the sky as Zedd began to belt out a few lines.
A/N: First reviewer get's the next one :)