Not All Bad
Meh, so I've been feeling a bit down at the moment, as the last post shows, but I'm not really sure everything is doom and gloom just yet.
I get the impression that, despite how it might sometimes come across, I think I feel pretty happy about having gotten the job I did. I think it will do me a lot of good and I'll learn a lot of useful things, as well as it'll push me to do various things that I want to do but I'm a bit too scared. I do feel a bit like time is running out for me: there's so much I need to do and so little time to get it done in, but that's probably not true and I'm probably making things worse by trying to go straight from A to Z without trying any of the letters in between.
I seem to be reacting rather strongly to past work or child related stuff at the moment, but I think that's also settling down or going to settle down, as sometimes my brain does seem to be able to cope with it all. The last week and a bit I had was also very demanding, with SJA, training and then family. I can probably feel a little proud of handling so much, although I'd really rather not do that again any time soon.
The operation is stressing me out a lot and even that's generally being dealt with, as by visiting the person whose surgery is now, I got to confront the whole thing and realise that will be me. I even seen to be catching up with some of the stuff from the last year. I'm not really sure how I feel, and it's been very difficult without a therapist to talk things through regularly. It's not fun, but, well, I'm still alive and just about coping, which is good.
If anything, it just seems I need time. Time seems to heal everything and it seems to be what I need right now. Also, notice how the transition tag has come out again? I think I may have been a bit naive in thinking I was done. It seems I have a long way to go still.
I get the impression that, despite how it might sometimes come across, I think I feel pretty happy about having gotten the job I did. I think it will do me a lot of good and I'll learn a lot of useful things, as well as it'll push me to do various things that I want to do but I'm a bit too scared. I do feel a bit like time is running out for me: there's so much I need to do and so little time to get it done in, but that's probably not true and I'm probably making things worse by trying to go straight from A to Z without trying any of the letters in between.
I seem to be reacting rather strongly to past work or child related stuff at the moment, but I think that's also settling down or going to settle down, as sometimes my brain does seem to be able to cope with it all. The last week and a bit I had was also very demanding, with SJA, training and then family. I can probably feel a little proud of handling so much, although I'd really rather not do that again any time soon.
The operation is stressing me out a lot and even that's generally being dealt with, as by visiting the person whose surgery is now, I got to confront the whole thing and realise that will be me. I even seen to be catching up with some of the stuff from the last year. I'm not really sure how I feel, and it's been very difficult without a therapist to talk things through regularly. It's not fun, but, well, I'm still alive and just about coping, which is good.
If anything, it just seems I need time. Time seems to heal everything and it seems to be what I need right now. Also, notice how the transition tag has come out again? I think I may have been a bit naive in thinking I was done. It seems I have a long way to go still.