Life at Work
I had flu over the weekend and ended up taking two days off work. I'm still a little tired and maybe I went to work one day earlier than I should have, but I also had a quiet and nice day at work today.
One of the nice things about having a quiet day is that I got to do some preparation for teaching. I tutor a little in maths and physics and recently there's been a lot of examination related stuff. The week before half-term was exam mocks. It turns out that the maths exams went horrendously badly and the results were dire, such that the first week back from holiday was a lot like a counseling session with maths involved. It was a bit more common for me to take a student, sit them in front of the paper and tell them not to be scared of it and to show me the most difficult question and that together, we'd show them they could do it.
School is still very difficult for me at the moment, but it's something that I'm coming to understand I need to do. I'm a lot less overwhelmed by it all than I was and half-term was a breath of fresh air. I do need more time than I've got, but if I can last until Christmas, I things should get better. In the meantime, I'm actually able to spend some of my money on me, which is a bit of a novel experience, and that' managed to make my life unexpectedly easier. I have enough money to buy books, games or anime series when I want, which I'm starting to leverage to keep me sane. I also have more money for Christmas presents this year than ever before.
Money is also still quite difficult. The minute I started earning, benefits are cut, which I expected, but my parents also immediately started getting me to pay for my own counseling and therapy. Added to that I have a sense of responsibility and so I've been contributing to food and petrol. Added to that, I also have to buy clothing and things for work itself. The net result is that I don't seem to be ahead. All my money gets spent as soon as it comes in.
But, I did some big shopping over half term and I actually have bras that fit me which I can parcel among my washing loads quite nicely, I have two new nightshirts, making that situation a lot better and making the washing a lot easier to manage. I also got myself a pair of really nice trousers for work and the feeling of looking good at work in a feminine jacket and trouser combo is pretty indescribable. It's not going to be forever that I'll be spending insane amounts of clothing, something which makes me glad, and it's nice to have the feeling that work is making my life better.
My mother also picked up some hints that the sudden fiscal cliff of earning meant I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere in terms of money and suggested that I contribute a little less and enjoy a little more the money I've got now. A bit more responsibility can come later.
In the meantime, I've been feeling like I'm a little more competent at work. I can successfully use the library system now to do basic things like get books in and out. I can handle some of the really strange queries that crop up all the time and the way the children try to unbalance me in order to get what they want.
Equally, though, I'm starting to handle the behavioural side of being in a school, which up to now, I was completely failing at. It's been a bit weird, because on the first week back after half term, I'd noticed that I was losing control of the sixth form library beforehand, and that the Year 7-11s were taking advantage of me. So i made an effort to be very firm and this seems to have had results. Combined with a general calming of my sense of self in which I've settled down within myself a lot more, and today they were positively doing what I said without me having to scream at them at all or even repeat myself. The trick, indeed, is to tell them to do something and believe they'll do it. Belief, though is not something that one can just make happen.
One of the nice things about having a quiet day is that I got to do some preparation for teaching. I tutor a little in maths and physics and recently there's been a lot of examination related stuff. The week before half-term was exam mocks. It turns out that the maths exams went horrendously badly and the results were dire, such that the first week back from holiday was a lot like a counseling session with maths involved. It was a bit more common for me to take a student, sit them in front of the paper and tell them not to be scared of it and to show me the most difficult question and that together, we'd show them they could do it.
School is still very difficult for me at the moment, but it's something that I'm coming to understand I need to do. I'm a lot less overwhelmed by it all than I was and half-term was a breath of fresh air. I do need more time than I've got, but if I can last until Christmas, I things should get better. In the meantime, I'm actually able to spend some of my money on me, which is a bit of a novel experience, and that' managed to make my life unexpectedly easier. I have enough money to buy books, games or anime series when I want, which I'm starting to leverage to keep me sane. I also have more money for Christmas presents this year than ever before.
Money is also still quite difficult. The minute I started earning, benefits are cut, which I expected, but my parents also immediately started getting me to pay for my own counseling and therapy. Added to that I have a sense of responsibility and so I've been contributing to food and petrol. Added to that, I also have to buy clothing and things for work itself. The net result is that I don't seem to be ahead. All my money gets spent as soon as it comes in.
But, I did some big shopping over half term and I actually have bras that fit me which I can parcel among my washing loads quite nicely, I have two new nightshirts, making that situation a lot better and making the washing a lot easier to manage. I also got myself a pair of really nice trousers for work and the feeling of looking good at work in a feminine jacket and trouser combo is pretty indescribable. It's not going to be forever that I'll be spending insane amounts of clothing, something which makes me glad, and it's nice to have the feeling that work is making my life better.
My mother also picked up some hints that the sudden fiscal cliff of earning meant I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere in terms of money and suggested that I contribute a little less and enjoy a little more the money I've got now. A bit more responsibility can come later.
In the meantime, I've been feeling like I'm a little more competent at work. I can successfully use the library system now to do basic things like get books in and out. I can handle some of the really strange queries that crop up all the time and the way the children try to unbalance me in order to get what they want.
Equally, though, I'm starting to handle the behavioural side of being in a school, which up to now, I was completely failing at. It's been a bit weird, because on the first week back after half term, I'd noticed that I was losing control of the sixth form library beforehand, and that the Year 7-11s were taking advantage of me. So i made an effort to be very firm and this seems to have had results. Combined with a general calming of my sense of self in which I've settled down within myself a lot more, and today they were positively doing what I said without me having to scream at them at all or even repeat myself. The trick, indeed, is to tell them to do something and believe they'll do it. Belief, though is not something that one can just make happen.