Cupid is a deliquent juvenile idiot who deserves an ASBO
Life has a tendency to really do strange things to you completely unexpectedly that completely mess up all your plans.
Well, you remember that transman, the one who was emigrating to Australia, leaving me a complete mess? He decided to come back. He decided he didn't want to emigrate after all and wanted to come back. At least part of that coming back seemed to be contingent on my becoming his girlfriend.
I had just gotten used to the fact that he was going to be gone. It hurt a lot and about the only way I managed to cope was to think that I might see him again and that I could pull my life together and head out to Australia. If things worked out, I might stay there, or convince him to come back. Alternatively, I might meet someone else in the meantime and it wouldn't hurt so much and I'd move on.
As many people have pointed out, him coming back for me is quite a flattering compliment. But it's also a bit scary, because one of the fun things about the relationship was that, in true Zen way, there was no relationship. My absolute fear of intimacy and closeness with people would have absolutely clobbered that. But because I wasn't paying attention, it kinda just happened, through the back door.
However, I'm terrified of hurting him and I've been trying to walk a delicate line. On one hand, I want to discourage him from coming back and doing something unutterably stupid. I am definitely not worth throwing away his whole life plan over and the relationship, such as it was, was still in its early stages. Not to mention, I'm about 16ish from what I can see, this counts more or less as my first relationship. As the Sound of Music states, I'd like to wait a year or two before doing anything drastic as settling down with someone. Not to mention, the odds of any early relationship lasting are never very good. So I have tried to tell him this and be a bit standoffish.
On the other hand, if he did come back anyway, I wouldn't want him to think I didn't care for him at all, because that would not be true. At the moment, he seems to be coming back anyway and has apparently made it clear that I am not the sole reason, which is very, very good. But he's only spending a week out there now instead of making a proper holiday of it and I feel that I'm not man-managing him well enough because I feel utterly overwhelmed by everything that's happened.
Actually, that's probably the whole crux of the problem. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and I don't really know how I feel about any of this. I keep trying to talk it out and think it through, but it's not really helping. And, he's made his decision, he's coming back so I'm going to get on and do other things in my life that I need to do before he comes back.
Well, you remember that transman, the one who was emigrating to Australia, leaving me a complete mess? He decided to come back. He decided he didn't want to emigrate after all and wanted to come back. At least part of that coming back seemed to be contingent on my becoming his girlfriend.
I had just gotten used to the fact that he was going to be gone. It hurt a lot and about the only way I managed to cope was to think that I might see him again and that I could pull my life together and head out to Australia. If things worked out, I might stay there, or convince him to come back. Alternatively, I might meet someone else in the meantime and it wouldn't hurt so much and I'd move on.
As many people have pointed out, him coming back for me is quite a flattering compliment. But it's also a bit scary, because one of the fun things about the relationship was that, in true Zen way, there was no relationship. My absolute fear of intimacy and closeness with people would have absolutely clobbered that. But because I wasn't paying attention, it kinda just happened, through the back door.
However, I'm terrified of hurting him and I've been trying to walk a delicate line. On one hand, I want to discourage him from coming back and doing something unutterably stupid. I am definitely not worth throwing away his whole life plan over and the relationship, such as it was, was still in its early stages. Not to mention, I'm about 16ish from what I can see, this counts more or less as my first relationship. As the Sound of Music states, I'd like to wait a year or two before doing anything drastic as settling down with someone. Not to mention, the odds of any early relationship lasting are never very good. So I have tried to tell him this and be a bit standoffish.
On the other hand, if he did come back anyway, I wouldn't want him to think I didn't care for him at all, because that would not be true. At the moment, he seems to be coming back anyway and has apparently made it clear that I am not the sole reason, which is very, very good. But he's only spending a week out there now instead of making a proper holiday of it and I feel that I'm not man-managing him well enough because I feel utterly overwhelmed by everything that's happened.
Actually, that's probably the whole crux of the problem. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and I don't really know how I feel about any of this. I keep trying to talk it out and think it through, but it's not really helping. And, he's made his decision, he's coming back so I'm going to get on and do other things in my life that I need to do before he comes back.