Hormones and Emotional Sensitivity
When I started the hormones, I talked a lot about how the hormones had increased my emotional bandwidth. The net result was that I felt far more empathic and open to other people's emotions. I talked about how awesome it was and how much I loved it.
The flip side I've discovered is that, although it is awesome, I can't shut it off. So if I feel overwhelmed, I still have to pick up other people's emotions and feelings and understand what they want. This is horrible because, when I feel overwhelmed, like when I did with my grandfather, I can't just shut people away and come back to it later.
The problem is that this really reminds me of the period when the trans stuff first really started to go horribly wrong for me at the end of Oxford, start of Birmingham, about how I turned to other people and how things went horribly wrong because I got supported in the wrong way.
I can't feel what I'm feeling, but I can still feel what everyone else feels and I just really want people sometimes to fuck off and leave me alone, at least until my emotional system clears up the load and sorts itself out and I can balance what I want against what other people want.
The flip side I've discovered is that, although it is awesome, I can't shut it off. So if I feel overwhelmed, I still have to pick up other people's emotions and feelings and understand what they want. This is horrible because, when I feel overwhelmed, like when I did with my grandfather, I can't just shut people away and come back to it later.
The problem is that this really reminds me of the period when the trans stuff first really started to go horribly wrong for me at the end of Oxford, start of Birmingham, about how I turned to other people and how things went horribly wrong because I got supported in the wrong way.
I can't feel what I'm feeling, but I can still feel what everyone else feels and I just really want people sometimes to fuck off and leave me alone, at least until my emotional system clears up the load and sorts itself out and I can balance what I want against what other people want.