Stuff
I managed to come down with some new kind of cold/flu illness. I've been feeling pretty run down, a combination of the epic month I had before and the previous illness. I'm not sure if this one is more serious than the last, but it's hit me a lot harder than the other one. Oh, yeah, and I have a bladder infection.
At the same time, there's some weird added mental fallout from the epic month. I think I touched on a whole load of things, and as long as I kept them in my head, it was OK. But the minute I tried to talk about them, my paranoia/fear got in the way. It was really quite surprising, because it felt like I'd been thinking about these things for a long time, and felt a level of familiarity with them. Having my brain go into lockdown was a bit scary and it seemed to come out of nowhere, and it took me a while to work out that this was what was happening.
Then I ran out of energy to deal with all of this stuff, even before the illness hit, and the illness just made it worse. As a result, I haven't been in a happy mental space for the last few days, and I have no way of getting out of it at the moment. And to add to the fun, I'm probably making my illness worse by doing all the wrong things. I seem to be exhibiting the minor symptoms of depression, and I keep trying to repress a bit, but that no longer works and gives me severe head aches.
However, it's not all bad. I think I just need some time and space. I'm fairly sure that my body will fight off the illness, even if it's taking it a while. Cranberry juice is helping with the bladder infection and, otherwise I just need so time for my emotions to get back into some kind of balance.
So I bought myself a nice big book as a treat and I've been slowly reading it for the last couple of days. As well, I've managed to do a whole load of chores that have been outstanding due to my insane hectic schedule. It's really irritated me, but I've been so busy looking after everyone else that I haven't had any time to look after myself, and my parents utterly failed to do even the minimum of small things that I asked them to do that I am quite put out with them, and even seem to be getting in the way. I've also been sleeping. A lot. Initially I couldn't seem to get through a day without collapsing on the couch and passing out for several hours at all kinds of weird times. However, that seems to have stabilised a little, and I tend to sleep once a night, if not necessarily at a predictable time each night.
In the meantime, I just need a couple of more days where no one wants much out of me. So far I'm beginning to get that, as all major crises have either been solved or are in abeyance. Today should be fun: it's granddad's official birthday, and we're going to go out and eat lots of stuff.
At the same time, there's some weird added mental fallout from the epic month. I think I touched on a whole load of things, and as long as I kept them in my head, it was OK. But the minute I tried to talk about them, my paranoia/fear got in the way. It was really quite surprising, because it felt like I'd been thinking about these things for a long time, and felt a level of familiarity with them. Having my brain go into lockdown was a bit scary and it seemed to come out of nowhere, and it took me a while to work out that this was what was happening.
Then I ran out of energy to deal with all of this stuff, even before the illness hit, and the illness just made it worse. As a result, I haven't been in a happy mental space for the last few days, and I have no way of getting out of it at the moment. And to add to the fun, I'm probably making my illness worse by doing all the wrong things. I seem to be exhibiting the minor symptoms of depression, and I keep trying to repress a bit, but that no longer works and gives me severe head aches.
However, it's not all bad. I think I just need some time and space. I'm fairly sure that my body will fight off the illness, even if it's taking it a while. Cranberry juice is helping with the bladder infection and, otherwise I just need so time for my emotions to get back into some kind of balance.
So I bought myself a nice big book as a treat and I've been slowly reading it for the last couple of days. As well, I've managed to do a whole load of chores that have been outstanding due to my insane hectic schedule. It's really irritated me, but I've been so busy looking after everyone else that I haven't had any time to look after myself, and my parents utterly failed to do even the minimum of small things that I asked them to do that I am quite put out with them, and even seem to be getting in the way. I've also been sleeping. A lot. Initially I couldn't seem to get through a day without collapsing on the couch and passing out for several hours at all kinds of weird times. However, that seems to have stabilised a little, and I tend to sleep once a night, if not necessarily at a predictable time each night.
In the meantime, I just need a couple of more days where no one wants much out of me. So far I'm beginning to get that, as all major crises have either been solved or are in abeyance. Today should be fun: it's granddad's official birthday, and we're going to go out and eat lots of stuff.