Christmas in Review
Wigilia went well yesterday. We've all opened our presents and I went to sleep early because I was very tired. I don't know what time my parents went to bed, but mum slept in the longest she'd managed all year. I'm hoping we're all getting over the mad Christmas rush and getting a better grip on things.
As I said earlier, this Christmas went quite well on the whole. Even with the absolute screw-ups of the past few days, things weren't that bad. For one thing, everyone had sorted their presents early. As a result, no one really got caught out by the snow and ice. Even I'd done all the presents for my immediate family somewhere early in the 20s of December when the Central London shops were deserted due to the weather and didn't have to wrap them at the last minute on Christmas Eve. While I did go out shopping on the 24th for presents, it was for extended family and friends who I've often failed to be organised and remember presents for and who I needed to find small things for.
Christmas decorations were also something that went particularly well this year. I think because I decorated the house, the place already looked ok, that meant a little less pressure on dad to make the Christmas tree do all the work, so it didn't have to be massively decorated. I think we'll do more decorating of the house next year at about the same time.
Cleaning didn't happen so well. On a general cosmetic clean-up, we started a week early and did well, but it was all undone by the addition of Christmas trees and decorations, so that nearer Christmas, things had to be redone. On Christmas Eve, I vacuumed the whole floor again, and it looked like it could have done with a mop, despite it being mopped less than a week before. But the deeper clean didn't quite happen. I managed to clear the floor in my room, but not enough to make the things in the hall disappear into it. Likewise, neither mum nor dad could really solve the clutter problem in other parts of the house.
As for shopping. Well, it sucked that Christmas fell on a Friday, which is the worst day for mum to deal with things, seeing as she works. It meant there was massive amounts of pressure on her to do things in a very short amount of time that couldn't be avoided even with decent organisation. I wish I knew more of what to do at Christmas, as I could have tried to do more. But I don't. So mum was too tired to tell us what to do and also too tired to do it all herself. Also, her workplace was really nasty to her on the 24th. Because she's Christian, she doesn't get any religious holiday and because she's Polish Catholic having the 24th off would help. All the non-Christians in the bank booked the holiday season early for normal holiday which she wasn't quick enough to do. Someone also tried to foist onto her the keys for closing. She ended up in tears and eventually one of the managers let her go home half and hour early at that point.
As for me, Christmas has been particularly fraught. It pushed me to be more active than I usually am. That forced me to background the gender problems and get on with things. Initially this was good, but towards the end (and now) I feel like a complete nervous wreck.
It's brought good with bad. I've been more physically active over a sustained period than I would normally be, but the stress of the end meant I wasn't sleeping in a relaxed way, and I'm very tense so I pulled my shoulders lugging things and my RSI is threatening to flare up again, after months of absence. I started doing some Qi Gong and that's the only think that's keeping me going.
The backgrounding of my gender problems was good for my mental balance. It got me to deal with other things, and made me realise I could. With a lot of my gender problems sorted, many things were strangely easy this year, and not at all stressful, even though they have been in the past. However, even though I did more than I thought I could, it was also obvious that there are still enough latent issues swirling in my head that it seriously interfered with my ability to help out as much as I was needed to.
Dealing with things also has raised a whole host of new issues and my mind has reversed its priorities, with the gender issues back at the fore. I really, really need some time to sit down and talk through some of the things that happened, things I realised and the new issues that have been dredged up by dealing with the old ones. Little moments like this where I can write stuff out are precious and I'm not sure how many of them I'll have in the coming days.
As I said earlier, this Christmas went quite well on the whole. Even with the absolute screw-ups of the past few days, things weren't that bad. For one thing, everyone had sorted their presents early. As a result, no one really got caught out by the snow and ice. Even I'd done all the presents for my immediate family somewhere early in the 20s of December when the Central London shops were deserted due to the weather and didn't have to wrap them at the last minute on Christmas Eve. While I did go out shopping on the 24th for presents, it was for extended family and friends who I've often failed to be organised and remember presents for and who I needed to find small things for.
Christmas decorations were also something that went particularly well this year. I think because I decorated the house, the place already looked ok, that meant a little less pressure on dad to make the Christmas tree do all the work, so it didn't have to be massively decorated. I think we'll do more decorating of the house next year at about the same time.
Cleaning didn't happen so well. On a general cosmetic clean-up, we started a week early and did well, but it was all undone by the addition of Christmas trees and decorations, so that nearer Christmas, things had to be redone. On Christmas Eve, I vacuumed the whole floor again, and it looked like it could have done with a mop, despite it being mopped less than a week before. But the deeper clean didn't quite happen. I managed to clear the floor in my room, but not enough to make the things in the hall disappear into it. Likewise, neither mum nor dad could really solve the clutter problem in other parts of the house.
As for shopping. Well, it sucked that Christmas fell on a Friday, which is the worst day for mum to deal with things, seeing as she works. It meant there was massive amounts of pressure on her to do things in a very short amount of time that couldn't be avoided even with decent organisation. I wish I knew more of what to do at Christmas, as I could have tried to do more. But I don't. So mum was too tired to tell us what to do and also too tired to do it all herself. Also, her workplace was really nasty to her on the 24th. Because she's Christian, she doesn't get any religious holiday and because she's Polish Catholic having the 24th off would help. All the non-Christians in the bank booked the holiday season early for normal holiday which she wasn't quick enough to do. Someone also tried to foist onto her the keys for closing. She ended up in tears and eventually one of the managers let her go home half and hour early at that point.
As for me, Christmas has been particularly fraught. It pushed me to be more active than I usually am. That forced me to background the gender problems and get on with things. Initially this was good, but towards the end (and now) I feel like a complete nervous wreck.
It's brought good with bad. I've been more physically active over a sustained period than I would normally be, but the stress of the end meant I wasn't sleeping in a relaxed way, and I'm very tense so I pulled my shoulders lugging things and my RSI is threatening to flare up again, after months of absence. I started doing some Qi Gong and that's the only think that's keeping me going.
The backgrounding of my gender problems was good for my mental balance. It got me to deal with other things, and made me realise I could. With a lot of my gender problems sorted, many things were strangely easy this year, and not at all stressful, even though they have been in the past. However, even though I did more than I thought I could, it was also obvious that there are still enough latent issues swirling in my head that it seriously interfered with my ability to help out as much as I was needed to.
Dealing with things also has raised a whole host of new issues and my mind has reversed its priorities, with the gender issues back at the fore. I really, really need some time to sit down and talk through some of the things that happened, things I realised and the new issues that have been dredged up by dealing with the old ones. Little moments like this where I can write stuff out are precious and I'm not sure how many of them I'll have in the coming days.