(no subject)
my life is like a game of telephone
only its more like
EL TELEPHONO because everyone gets everything fucked up in translation
but i think we got it all figured out now
so purple monkey dishwaher to that
theres something i want and i cant have it
and its driving me insane
its all i want
and its all i see
and im fucking driven by the idea that someday
someday i will have it
and it will be good
and i will feel good
and i will be..
it doesnt matter because then it wont matter
because i will just be..
and that will be good enough
i cant really understand why its so easy to go out and buy something
and you can have whatever you want whenever you want it
but when you want a feeling
a fucking real raw human emotion
you need to strive your entire life to find it
and keep it
you need to give everything you have
all the time
and sometimes thats not enough
which is why
i will never be
.."that person"
to anyone
because im lazy and im stupid
and no matter how much i want to inside
i just cant find it in myself to put a decent amount of effort into things
i guess i just gave up
but didnt realize it till it was too late
and i hate it
because im always sad
and im always mad
and im always confused
why no man on earth would want to be the person there at the end of the day to make sure i was ok
and alright and would go to bed with a fucking smile on my face
maybe its because im always so scared
and i always feel so alone
and i dont understand why
well maybe its because i mask all these feelings in bottles and cans and tiny little one ounce glasses
maybe its because i cant go out in pubic and have a decent time because im too self concious
maybe its because no matter what i do or who im with
these thoughts always consume me
and make it so i cant be the person i want to be
which by the way one day i convinced myself was a good one
and maybe its because always no matter what
i cant hide it
even though i try very VERY hard at times...sometimes i think i do a good job
and little parts of it always show through
and it scares me
becuase i dont like people knowing things about me
it scares me
and it make me really uncomfterble to have people around me that know things about me that i wish they didnt
im not ashamed of them im just ashamed of what they make me
a fucking mess
im a fucking mess
im a fucking emotional wreak
and im losing fucking control of
everything
because i want
i want a fucking feeling
that im not even sure exsists
so fuck it
i dont know what im saying
and i dont know what im doing
and i dont fucking care anymore
becuase im a fucking MESS
oh poor me im alone
im going to sit in my basement and wine and cry and complain to myself
maybe thats why im alone
becuase all i do is wine and cry and complain to myself
and everyone else
i gotta get in the fucking game
get the fuck out there and make myself the goddamn mvp
one day i really hope ill be able to do that
ugh look at me a fat fucking moron
ugh look at me im a fucking retard
ugh look the fuck AT ME
ughh im writing this to make myself feel better
ughhhhhhh its not doing a very good job
so fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck you
fuck me
fuck you
fuck i dont know
this is stupid
i just made a really big ass out of myself
im fucking glad
only its more like
EL TELEPHONO because everyone gets everything fucked up in translation
but i think we got it all figured out now
so purple monkey dishwaher to that
theres something i want and i cant have it
and its driving me insane
its all i want
and its all i see
and im fucking driven by the idea that someday
someday i will have it
and it will be good
and i will feel good
and i will be..
it doesnt matter because then it wont matter
because i will just be..
and that will be good enough
i cant really understand why its so easy to go out and buy something
and you can have whatever you want whenever you want it
but when you want a feeling
a fucking real raw human emotion
you need to strive your entire life to find it
and keep it
you need to give everything you have
all the time
and sometimes thats not enough
which is why
i will never be
.."that person"
to anyone
because im lazy and im stupid
and no matter how much i want to inside
i just cant find it in myself to put a decent amount of effort into things
i guess i just gave up
but didnt realize it till it was too late
and i hate it
because im always sad
and im always mad
and im always confused
why no man on earth would want to be the person there at the end of the day to make sure i was ok
and alright and would go to bed with a fucking smile on my face
maybe its because im always so scared
and i always feel so alone
and i dont understand why
well maybe its because i mask all these feelings in bottles and cans and tiny little one ounce glasses
maybe its because i cant go out in pubic and have a decent time because im too self concious
maybe its because no matter what i do or who im with
these thoughts always consume me
and make it so i cant be the person i want to be
which by the way one day i convinced myself was a good one
and maybe its because always no matter what
i cant hide it
even though i try very VERY hard at times...sometimes i think i do a good job
and little parts of it always show through
and it scares me
becuase i dont like people knowing things about me
it scares me
and it make me really uncomfterble to have people around me that know things about me that i wish they didnt
im not ashamed of them im just ashamed of what they make me
a fucking mess
im a fucking mess
im a fucking emotional wreak
and im losing fucking control of
everything
because i want
i want a fucking feeling
that im not even sure exsists
so fuck it
i dont know what im saying
and i dont know what im doing
and i dont fucking care anymore
becuase im a fucking MESS
oh poor me im alone
im going to sit in my basement and wine and cry and complain to myself
maybe thats why im alone
becuase all i do is wine and cry and complain to myself
and everyone else
i gotta get in the fucking game
get the fuck out there and make myself the goddamn mvp
one day i really hope ill be able to do that
ugh look at me a fat fucking moron
ugh look at me im a fucking retard
ugh look the fuck AT ME
ughh im writing this to make myself feel better
ughhhhhhh its not doing a very good job
so fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck you
fuck me
fuck you
fuck i dont know
this is stupid
i just made a really big ass out of myself
im fucking glad