Errata -- Creativity
I rarely think of myself as an artist any more because I simply don't "do" art. I am bad at the creation of it and only passably good at the critique and analysis part. In fact, every time I remember that my BA is in art I both laugh and cringe. Laugh because, well, it's laughable that someone so untalented as I ended up with and art degree, and cringe because I remember some of the "work" I did in college. I was a terrible painter and potter. I think I might have made something of myself as a photographer if only the program hadn't completely screwed me (I was chemical, they went digital and said, "Your credits don't count, start again!" and in the interest of graduating in less than 6 years I said, "Fuck you!" and switched to painting) and I'd actually been able to LEARN something.
But that's (mostly) in the past. I still take out my camera from time to time and I still have a full painting studio in my parents' basement which I used to enjoy messing around it (it's amazing what you can create and the fun you can have with NO PRESSURE) and I still hope someday to find my creative voice. It's in there, somewhere...
To totally derail my own post, I think a lot of my blockage has to do with an internal juxtaposition. I am someone who usually has great success the FIRST time I try to do something. I have, I think, permanent beginners' luck. However, if I ever decide to "practice" in order to become better I instead become quantifiably worse. For example, I can sight-read a lot of easy-medium piano pieces quite well. However, the instant I begin to practice, repeat and focus on technique the quality degrades significantly until I sound like I've never sat in front of a piano before. The same goes for many of my sewing and craft projects, as well as card games, mind puzzles, etc. It seems that with me at least, repetition breeds a steady decline. Much like my method for writing academic papers, I just have to "do it" and not try to prepare because whatever "new" thing I'm trying will then go poorly.
I think, then, that I fail to TRY because I fear this pattern of degradation in quality and ability from trying too often. If I cannot produce on the first try I become fearful that ever subsequent try will only go worse for me. For example: writing. If I cannot sit down and WRITE something on the first try, the idea is often scrapped (or at least shelved indefinitely) because I fear that by going back and trying again each effort will produce only worse and worse dreck until the whole story I was attempting to tell is nothing but a morass of words, all drowning in the mire and muck for lack of cohesion (and, by extension, talent).
To sort of boil this whole mess down, then, I think that I have a lack of talent(s) that can occasionally be subverted by excitement, adrenaline and a very keen mind and eye. I mean, you should see my FIRST ever painting (of which I am still reasonably proud) or some of my one-shot, one-draft fiction. I remain prouder of those pieces than I have ever been of something I "worked on" (read: worked to death and then kept going).
Unfortunately, I don't really know what to do with this insight as it seems more damning than encouraging -- at least on creative fronts.
ANYway, what I actually wanted to say was this:
I wish I had thought of this in art school, because it is SO right up my alley of blurring the lines between art and reality and bringing ART to LIFE and vice versa.
Hyper-Realistic Acrylic Body Painting by Alexa Meade
I mean, seriously? Just amazingly cool!
But that's (mostly) in the past. I still take out my camera from time to time and I still have a full painting studio in my parents' basement which I used to enjoy messing around it (it's amazing what you can create and the fun you can have with NO PRESSURE) and I still hope someday to find my creative voice. It's in there, somewhere...
To totally derail my own post, I think a lot of my blockage has to do with an internal juxtaposition. I am someone who usually has great success the FIRST time I try to do something. I have, I think, permanent beginners' luck. However, if I ever decide to "practice" in order to become better I instead become quantifiably worse. For example, I can sight-read a lot of easy-medium piano pieces quite well. However, the instant I begin to practice, repeat and focus on technique the quality degrades significantly until I sound like I've never sat in front of a piano before. The same goes for many of my sewing and craft projects, as well as card games, mind puzzles, etc. It seems that with me at least, repetition breeds a steady decline. Much like my method for writing academic papers, I just have to "do it" and not try to prepare because whatever "new" thing I'm trying will then go poorly.
I think, then, that I fail to TRY because I fear this pattern of degradation in quality and ability from trying too often. If I cannot produce on the first try I become fearful that ever subsequent try will only go worse for me. For example: writing. If I cannot sit down and WRITE something on the first try, the idea is often scrapped (or at least shelved indefinitely) because I fear that by going back and trying again each effort will produce only worse and worse dreck until the whole story I was attempting to tell is nothing but a morass of words, all drowning in the mire and muck for lack of cohesion (and, by extension, talent).
To sort of boil this whole mess down, then, I think that I have a lack of talent(s) that can occasionally be subverted by excitement, adrenaline and a very keen mind and eye. I mean, you should see my FIRST ever painting (of which I am still reasonably proud) or some of my one-shot, one-draft fiction. I remain prouder of those pieces than I have ever been of something I "worked on" (read: worked to death and then kept going).
Unfortunately, I don't really know what to do with this insight as it seems more damning than encouraging -- at least on creative fronts.
ANYway, what I actually wanted to say was this:
I wish I had thought of this in art school, because it is SO right up my alley of blurring the lines between art and reality and bringing ART to LIFE and vice versa.
Hyper-Realistic Acrylic Body Painting by Alexa Meade
I mean, seriously? Just amazingly cool!