Utterly Helpless
At least, that's how I feel. 250 miles away. May as well have been a million. I can't hold them. I can't get there faster. Governed at 65 and all. I remember the morning mom woke me with a call of your dads not moving.... I was in lakewood. I barely remember racing up the 605 and getting home fifteen minutes later. I can't even say how fast I must have been going. Jill is driving now and I have called to let my dispatcher know that I will get with him in the morn when I know but right now I feel worthless. Useless. Lost. Her phone not functioning and even if it was what good would it have done? I can't hold her. not yet. reached out to what was a close friend years ago and I feel like an asshole for doing it. who do I have now? who can I lay my head on and cry to when I am tired and need to recharge and breathe before I have to be the pillar for my girls again? please tell me if I am pestering. if its too much after so much neglect, time and distance. again, I wish we weren't three states apart.
Breathe. Center. Calm. Time to be the rock in less than an hour.
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