Don't mind me, I'm PMSing
My japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 久美子 Kumiko (eternal beautiful child).
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From kyo667
Put your playlist on shuffle. Pick the first 15 songs that come up and add "in my pants". [Actually, I put every song I have and put it in the playlist and hit shuffle coz if I did every song in my playlist, I'd get like...the same four or five songs [All Diru] over and over...soooo...yeah]
1. The Phantom of the Opera Sdtk - The Phantom of the Opera in my pants
2. Dir en grey - Mazohyst of Decedance in my pants
3. Rasputina - Tourniquet in my pants
4. Social Distortion - Reach for the Sky in my pants
5. Takui - True Mind in my pants
6. Final Fantasy X - Game Over in my pants
7. The Phantom of the Opera Sdtk - Angel of Music in my pants
8. Dir en grey - Jealous in my pants
9. Lady Blacksmith Mambo - Swing Low Sweet Chariot in my pants
10. L'arc~en~Ciel - Hitomi no Juunin in my pants
11. Koda Kumi - Feel Me in my pants [KODA!!]
12. Gackt - ~seki-ray~ in my pants
13. Final Fantasy X-2/Jade from Sweetbox - real Emotion in my pants
14. Ayumi Hamasaki - Vogue in my pants
15. Ayumi Hamasaki - You (Agressive Mix) in my pants
*Dies* Man...Ayumi!! I would've expected more sluttation from Gackuto-san...*Shakes head*
Anyway. I'm feeling really...rather awful. Not that anyone cares, really. I feel...really abandoned and..not good enough. And I feel ignored and hated and I don't know why. I know why I feel it, but I don't know why whomever is involved is making me feel that way. I...don't know what I did.
But whatever anyway. I don't think I'm gonna eat today because I completely made a pig out of myself yesterday. Stephanie wants to go out and I...really...don't feel like doing that. I just wanna lay on my bed and just..gah. I just don't want to be bothered.
I just feel like shit because I try to talk to people and...I feel ignored, like what I say isn't important enough for them to think about it and respond...and then...the few people who did make me feel important...are ignoring me. So...*Shrugs* What's a girl to do...
I mean, is it because I'm speaking Japanese, trying to familiarize myself and make it part of who I am? I know I wasn't "blessed" enough to be born in Japan or be semi-Japanese but what the fuck? Does that mean I can't be interested in it? Does that land me in the "poser" catagory? Well if it does, so be it.
And if it's not my Japanese, then what is it? My depression, angst, sexuality, babbling, obsessions, fandoms, happiness, saddness, life or lack thereof, my jokes, my wit, my humor, my incorrect spelling, my laugh, my typing, cursing and swearing, teasing, yelling, random moments of ADD, explainations of WHY I had the random moment of ADD, my lack-of enthusiasm for things I'm not into yet still showing endless support and interest for those who are? Do tell, please? Maybe I can better myself to make you more happy with me. Because God knows all I ever wanted to do in life was have people maybe actually like me. I try to make people laugh and get them to like me and be interested in what they say and I get shit in return. Hmm.
And really, I hope no one tells me, "Well, if they're doing that...they're not really a friend" because if I got rid of all the friends that I have because I felt ignored by them, I'd...have probably maybe two or three friends. Tops. And I don't mean aquantences. I mean people I talk to [or at least try to talk to] on a semi-regular basis.
I'd rather you tell me to my face that you hate me, don't like me, are annoyed by me, find a habbit I have distasteful and obnoxious, or just find me generally stupid and boring and don't want to be my friend, then charade and pretend like everything's fine and lie to me.
And I'm going to end this relatively soon because...well, let's face it, how many times have I said, "I'm going to stop/end/finish this now" and it went on for hours? Mm? Yeah. So. I'm going to finish this relatively soon because I really don't feel like bitching anymore. And I know this made more than one person squirm and if it did, it was probably pointed at you, but you'll notice I at least didn't mention names, dates, places, feelings, times, specifics and the like. I never intentionally attack anyone, but when I'm PMSing and I feel the need to bitch and show the people who are involved in this just exactly what it is they're doing to me, I go for it. Because really, if you make me feel like shit, then I find myself to be more important to me than you are. Sorry, but that's how it goes. Tough shit, deal with it, I don't care. I'd rather be honest with myself and vent, than degrade myself because you treat me like an asshole would treat a friend.
And yes. There, I said it.