wow and I suprise myself yet again.
and I thought I would never write in this yet again, I think that was fairly similar to one of the last posts that I wrote in this thing.
well the last year has been completely unmemorable unless you count all the times I took fits at my job and scared everyone away as news. although on the plus side because of all my wonderful tirades people avoided me like the plague it was super mega awesome, I got so much work done after that.
so yes ultimately my life has been revolving around work sleep and pot, great combination of things to plunge one into a rut.
I would also say I have hit that mythical quarter life crisis. the one where you examine your life up until this point and realise that you really don't have anything to show for it except for hands that look like used cutting boards, the occasional neck twinge
and a lot of stories that begin with "there was this one time i was high on (insert drug of choice) and did (insert something mildly amusing here).
I guess i'm starting to feel like a memory in my own life if that makes any sense, I've stopped really actively participating in life and have begun to take a more passive role. The whole sense of identity is lost on me because I find that I spend more time on other people then I spend on myself. This really frustrates me because I know that I need to spend more time on myself but I feel compelled to help people with their problems. I think that the desire to help others is genuine but I also believe that I'm using it as an excuse to ignore myself and my own personal needs (whatever the hell they are, i'm still working on that one). I don't necessarily know what i'm trying to accomplish for myself by engaging in this sort of behaviour but i'm sure i'll figure it out. I think i'm just looking for some type of purpose in this life when in reality I don't really even think there is one.
I dunno, life confuses me and while I would like to take it one day at a time it almost seems like that would be like walking blind into a slap in the face y'know.
I guess I'll just continue to develop into a wallflower and try to sleep my way to an answer... maybe I'll get somewhere. who knows.
well the last year has been completely unmemorable unless you count all the times I took fits at my job and scared everyone away as news. although on the plus side because of all my wonderful tirades people avoided me like the plague it was super mega awesome, I got so much work done after that.
so yes ultimately my life has been revolving around work sleep and pot, great combination of things to plunge one into a rut.
I would also say I have hit that mythical quarter life crisis. the one where you examine your life up until this point and realise that you really don't have anything to show for it except for hands that look like used cutting boards, the occasional neck twinge
and a lot of stories that begin with "there was this one time i was high on (insert drug of choice) and did (insert something mildly amusing here).
I guess i'm starting to feel like a memory in my own life if that makes any sense, I've stopped really actively participating in life and have begun to take a more passive role. The whole sense of identity is lost on me because I find that I spend more time on other people then I spend on myself. This really frustrates me because I know that I need to spend more time on myself but I feel compelled to help people with their problems. I think that the desire to help others is genuine but I also believe that I'm using it as an excuse to ignore myself and my own personal needs (whatever the hell they are, i'm still working on that one). I don't necessarily know what i'm trying to accomplish for myself by engaging in this sort of behaviour but i'm sure i'll figure it out. I think i'm just looking for some type of purpose in this life when in reality I don't really even think there is one.
I dunno, life confuses me and while I would like to take it one day at a time it almost seems like that would be like walking blind into a slap in the face y'know.
I guess I'll just continue to develop into a wallflower and try to sleep my way to an answer... maybe I'll get somewhere. who knows.