(no subject)
drugs. are everywhere. it disgusts me. ah, the other side of abuse. kind of refreshing. and i dont waste as much money. especially ecstasy, its everywhere. EVERYWHERE. everyone is constantly on it. and everyone has lost their life. but i feel better, so maybe they will too. its just not a guarantee, and not everyone knows it yet or wants it enough or theyre too deep in. getting older is bittersweet. ive never been more...content? and yet not content at all. but I think I want good things now. competition is making me forget who i am, who i want to be. i made a list of things to remember. smile. be confident. be kind. be generous. its ok to be idealistic. be productive. love. hug friends. just everyone looks so cute, and everyone goes out all the time. being poor is going to save my grades and make me be ok with what i have. it might be the best thing to happen to me. but rush is kind of killing me. making these girls try and like me, want my sorority. i dont feel like these girls like me, in general. some girls yeah, but most girls who think "sorority" look at me and think "wait, what?" but I also think I don't like the idea of someone not liking me, and therefore atuomatically assume everyone thinks that way. so ive just been trying to say "fuck it." my best night out has been when I wasn't trying. I dont think I impressed anyone but I was happy. I dont think I make a good impression on people. I havent really thought too much into it, I think Im a little scared to where my brain will go with it. I'm just thankful for the friends I have. I just really want to be truly loved and appreciated as a human being. I think I am, just know one ever says it enough. I think I'm gonna try and make it a point to make it known to people i love that i love them. i worry about the simplest stupidest things but they are the things that give me the most anxiety. i slept from 730 last night to 1030 this morning. 15 hours. not too shabby.