It's the ADD kicking in...
I will not let you, cough cough MEN, rule the way I think. I wanted to have sex with you, your yummy and delicious and beautiful. But now that I have slept with you, that by no means I want to do it again. And to insinuate we will, well that's really not your decision. I feel I boldly and stupidly, made the choice to fuck you. Doing it once does not mean it is going to happen again.
If anyone really knew how fast and wild my brain was going, I'm exhausted by with myself after an hour of thinking and conversations with myself. I cannot see truthfully how anyone, unless they too are insane, can be friends with me? And people who are my friends, well I give them serious credit for dealing with me. So how am I supposed to find a man who loves me more intricately than my friends can? And most of my friends have had years of practice and time, most relationships start so quickly. I'm afraid of scaring people off but even more afraid of not being wholly myself. If I'm doing anything these days, it accepting who I am from faults to positive attributes. Don't get me wrong, I am exhausting, but I do love myself nonetheless. It just takes a lot of energy. And maybe that's why I'm sleepy all the time, because I do expend a very large portion of my energy into analyzing myself and my relationships to people and the world around me.
So you, you beautiful yummy delicious person. I am warning you, for your own sanity. Take the sex and leave it at that. Your safest if I can control when I come and go. I have the power. It's horrible I know, but at this point in time, that's how it must be I think. Your funny, smart, kind, good looking and you have obvious, normal faults. And your sanity is so attractive. But at the same time, it is the one thing that makes me worry. Can insane and sane really coincide in a peaceful manner? And I am so afraid to feel positively about it because if something does happen and then I screw it up....ya know, I really like when people like me. I'm not sure if it's worth the risk.
I am either here or there. I am a person of extremes and bouncing back and forth can wear anyone out. I am absurd, and I love to laugh. I feel my sanest when I'm laughing. Keep my laughing, you keep me sane - you keep me sane, I will love you until the end of time most loyally. It's a simple equation really...but it is so hard to master. I am so complex and yet So simple. I baffle myself, I wonder how people must think of me? But then again, maybe most of the population does not analyze persons the way I do, constantly and vigorously. So maybe my questions are that, MY questions, not "the people's" questions, and no one really gives a hoot or a holler.
I love to watch people and try and figure out this really ridiculous logic puzzle called "living as a human." We are so animalistic, but pretend to be so much greater. When my mow our lawns and brush our hair...we are just like wolves in the woods making out dens neat and soft and rubbing in dirt to pick up whatever scent we feel like smelling like. Our highways are our tracks that we follow, rarely straying from what we know. And this obsession with people and myself...it stems from wanting to try and understand it. I know that I will never get it, not even close to it, but I find it thoroughly enjoyable. And as for people, here I am one of them, with my whole brain to rack and pick apart and so I am constantly thinking on myself to put together the pieces.
But I'm sure I am not the only one...actually I know I'm not...who is fascinated as much as I am with the human existence. And therefore my ponderings cannot be as varied as I might imagine and if that's the case, why am I so ashamed of my thought process, my emotional calculator? It's our odd social structure....
my toes bleeding, my thoughts move too quickly, typing is now too slow of a format for putting together ideas. Wacky!
If anyone really knew how fast and wild my brain was going, I'm exhausted by with myself after an hour of thinking and conversations with myself. I cannot see truthfully how anyone, unless they too are insane, can be friends with me? And people who are my friends, well I give them serious credit for dealing with me. So how am I supposed to find a man who loves me more intricately than my friends can? And most of my friends have had years of practice and time, most relationships start so quickly. I'm afraid of scaring people off but even more afraid of not being wholly myself. If I'm doing anything these days, it accepting who I am from faults to positive attributes. Don't get me wrong, I am exhausting, but I do love myself nonetheless. It just takes a lot of energy. And maybe that's why I'm sleepy all the time, because I do expend a very large portion of my energy into analyzing myself and my relationships to people and the world around me.
So you, you beautiful yummy delicious person. I am warning you, for your own sanity. Take the sex and leave it at that. Your safest if I can control when I come and go. I have the power. It's horrible I know, but at this point in time, that's how it must be I think. Your funny, smart, kind, good looking and you have obvious, normal faults. And your sanity is so attractive. But at the same time, it is the one thing that makes me worry. Can insane and sane really coincide in a peaceful manner? And I am so afraid to feel positively about it because if something does happen and then I screw it up....ya know, I really like when people like me. I'm not sure if it's worth the risk.
I am either here or there. I am a person of extremes and bouncing back and forth can wear anyone out. I am absurd, and I love to laugh. I feel my sanest when I'm laughing. Keep my laughing, you keep me sane - you keep me sane, I will love you until the end of time most loyally. It's a simple equation really...but it is so hard to master. I am so complex and yet So simple. I baffle myself, I wonder how people must think of me? But then again, maybe most of the population does not analyze persons the way I do, constantly and vigorously. So maybe my questions are that, MY questions, not "the people's" questions, and no one really gives a hoot or a holler.
I love to watch people and try and figure out this really ridiculous logic puzzle called "living as a human." We are so animalistic, but pretend to be so much greater. When my mow our lawns and brush our hair...we are just like wolves in the woods making out dens neat and soft and rubbing in dirt to pick up whatever scent we feel like smelling like. Our highways are our tracks that we follow, rarely straying from what we know. And this obsession with people and myself...it stems from wanting to try and understand it. I know that I will never get it, not even close to it, but I find it thoroughly enjoyable. And as for people, here I am one of them, with my whole brain to rack and pick apart and so I am constantly thinking on myself to put together the pieces.
But I'm sure I am not the only one...actually I know I'm not...who is fascinated as much as I am with the human existence. And therefore my ponderings cannot be as varied as I might imagine and if that's the case, why am I so ashamed of my thought process, my emotional calculator? It's our odd social structure....
my toes bleeding, my thoughts move too quickly, typing is now too slow of a format for putting together ideas. Wacky!